How to be a “nice” guy, AND be attractive to women
There is a difference between being a nice MAN and being a nice CHUMP.
We’ve all heard it – and, to a degree, it’s true – nice guys finish last.
Why is that? I mean, wouldn’t YOU be flattered with someone who buys you everything you want, arrives promptly on time, thinks of you day and night, and always answers the phone on the first ring??
Actually, NO, I wouldn’t at all!
See where I am going with this??
Guys – women want us to be nice to them, but more importantly they want us to have our own LIVES. When, we shower and flatter them constantly, well that just shows them that they are VERY important to us – which might just scare the hell out of them.
Perhaps we need to rethink this word “nice” and frame it in the context of being attractive. OK?
An attractive guy is someone whose life is in balance, and is focused on an aim. In fact, each area of a guy’s life should be focused on an aim: his career; his health; his relationships; his hobbies etc. In fact, a guy who begins to realize on a deeper level his true nature might even feel a sense of harmony with all of these areas, creating the necessary “balance” of autonomy.
Now, don’t let me lose you here. I realize I am getting a bit heady, but just know that aiming towards a goal is something we truly need in each area of our lives.
The feeling many guys project is a sense of desperation, and a lack of a strong footing. Once a guy can arrange his lifestyle in such a way as to help harness his focus (and energy) the sense of desperation tends to wane. His relationships with women lose the desperate importance that they once had. Interestingly enough, he then is more attractive (READ: less desperate) to women.
Once a guy is centered in this place of, dare I say, personal power, he can then be truly nice to women. The former example is mere manipulation (actions designed to get someone to “like me”), and any woman with a head on her shoulders will smell you from ten miles away. So, stop seeking validation from women, and get your life in order. Once this happens, feel free to be as nice and considerate as you want.
I even tell some guys to STOP dating for some time while they get the rest of their lives in order. Only then is it fair to put yourself on the market. Until then, you will not attract a healthy mate to you, and will instead be looking for someone to fill a hole which they can not fill – that hole is your responsibility, not theirs.
So, just now, take a look at the following areas of your life:
And score yourself from 1 to 10. We have a more sophisticated way of breaking this down with our clients, and in our seminars, but for now this should suffice. Based on your HONEST answers, where do you need to put some focus? How much time do you realistically need to meet some goals? Also, if you were to raise your level in each of these areas, would you attract someone different than you might be now?
I think that’s enough for now – and you thought you were going to hear a discourse on how to be nice. Trust me, each of you knows how to be nice, but what your missing is a self connected with a true source of masculine power. Until you reach that, you will settle across the board, for less than you deserve.
Don’t do it! Post any questions or comments below.