New Webinar Series + Personal Updates

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Hey there -

See that guy to your right?  That’s me in Bali last May, on my honeymoon.  That pic was taken by my amazing wife in a Starbucks in Ubud.  I realize it’s a bit tacky to go to Starbucks while in SE Asia, but they are everywhere, and I basically live on coffee…thus, the shit-eating grin on my face.

Anyway, life’s good and I hope it is by you too.

So, I’m starting a new webinar series where I walk through the specific phases of how to get a girlfriend.  This Thursday at 7pm, we’ll be talking thru phase 1 – Identifying Your Purpose.

Talking about your purpose or aim can easily become scattered and impractical.  But, I have some direct experience to share which I think will prove to be very useful.

So, that talk is taking place this Thursday night at 7pm.  BUT, if you register, I will send you the audio after the fact too in case that timing doesn’t work for you.  This will launch a regular webinar series too, but more on that later.

Here’s where to register:

Register for Stephen Nash’s “How to Get a Girlfriend” Webinar Series Here

Join me!

Next!

I’ve started a new, long-term non-profit project here in Brooklyn (in fact, I’m nearly 3 years in to it).  AND, I’m married now.  So, my time is even more in demand (a very good thing btw).

My basic schedule going forward is to be available for 1-1′s, phone coaching and my month-long Platinum coaching program from November thru April.  After that, my availability for coaching reduces significantly and I will not be available for the Platinum program – as it’s so intense and involved.

Oh, and if you’re interested in the Platinum program, it’s booked thru the end of the year.  I can only now accept applications for January thru April.  If interested, fill-out the form etc.

Finally!

I’ve retooled the website and would LOVE your feedback.  Do you like the comments system here? Do you like the direction I am taking with the look and feel?  Lemme know.  I do read the site and respond to all comments so would love to interact with you here, if you’re down for that.

Otherwise, hope to see you Thursday on the call and be sure to come armed with your great questions!

Thanks as always…

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Tips on Talking to Women on the Phone

She definitely looks like this when you call :)

She definitely looks like this when you call :)

Tips for Talking with Women on the Phone

I had this GREAT question in my email this morning from a guy questioning how to talk to women on the phone. So many guys get flustered and freaked out when they have to place that first call to a woman.

What do you say?
What do you talk about?
How do you transition into securing plans for a date?

Here’s the great question from Darryl:

Since reading your ebook, I have been trying things out and have been meeting LOTS of new women. Recently, I was talking to this gorgeous brunette in line at a coffee shop. I got her number, and promised I would call her to hang out. The meeting was brief (like 5 minutes), and we had a really fun interaction. However, before I picked up the phone, I got totally nervous – she was so HOT. I started thinking, should I say something different??

 

 

What is your advice on phone calls? I mean, I don’t want to treat her like one of the boys, and honestly I hate talking to women on the phone. I feel so insecure without being able to see the visual feedback. What is a good plan of action for when you get a really attractive woman on the phone??

Darryl, Santa Fe, NM

YES! Great question, and I totally relate.  If I can’t SEE someone, I have a hard time talking to them.  No worries though, there is a solution…

First of all, lets not forget that beautiful women are PEOPLE. OK? I know it is natural to be a bit freaked out, but honestly Darryl – if she gave you her number, and had a fun conversation with you, she is INTO you man! So, stop worrying about her beauty, and remember that she might be nervous about talking to you too. The dating scene is tough for everyone, so don’t make it tougher on yourself here. Before you call her try to relax, take a couple of deep breaths, and follow this little plan of action:

1) Don’t introduce yourself on the phone like this, “Hey it’s Darryl, you know – from Starbucks?? Remember me??” Bad, bad, bad – here is what you say:

So, I was back in the same Starbucks, and I remembered what you said about the Soy Chai Frappa Latte Mocha Ventis, and decided to give it a shot. I haven’t even blinked in four hours. I am completely wired – how can you handle these things??

So, this is obviously in jest – made clear by the ridiculous sounding name of the coffee drink. Here, I remind her who I am, I reset her current emotional reality by also reminded her of my impeccable sense of humor. See how that works? You want her to recall the emotions felt when she met you and gave you her number. The best way to do that is to simply reengage using your brand of humor. Got it?

2) Bring her into your world by simply describing how great your day and life are. If you feel miserable, depressed and aimless then definitely DO NOT pour this negativity onto her! Instead, see the glass of your life as half-full and tell her about the great life you have. Chapter II & III of my ebook should completely settle this issue for you, so reread if you have to.

3) Wrap it up with a version of the following:

I am going to a great event on Saturday night. And I will give you three clues: one, it is on a boat; two, it is under the stars; three, it is not formal, but cool. Would love it if you joined me.

Here, you once again reset the feelings accompanied with humor (by only giving her clues to the event), and invite her out to spend the evening with you. I believe in being straightforward when going for the date. Others may tell you to ask her out a certain way, but I believe the real work is done BEFORE the question. If she is into you, you could send her smoke signals and she would say yes. OK?

That’s it! Want to thank you for your question, and hopefully it will help other guys out too!

Please feel free to post any questions or comments below.  I do actually read these!

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The Art of Genuine Interest

I don't think she's getting through!

I don’t think she’s getting through!

A client of mine spent some time together a few weeks ago, and a very interesting question came up which I thought I would share.

This guy’s challenge is CLASSIC, and one that I see everyday in the men that I work with. He has a naturally wry sense of humor, and gets “flirting” very easily. He is very skilled at, dare I say it, cocky & funny. This often leads him to getting phone numbers from women. In fact, he averages (without even trying) a couple of new numbers per WEEK. So, this is done without even trying OK?

However, when he phones these women a few days later, they are mildly interested, courteous, but they essentially blow him off. He rarely gets an actual date with them.

What the &%$# is happening here?

This is a COMMON problem.

Well, there is a long answer and a short answer. The short answer is that he is not spending enough time with her. So, I told him, give yourself five more minutes with her, so she feels that she knows you better. But, that is only the beginning.

I think we need to realize that women are much more sensitive socially than men. Men often barrel their way through a conversation much like a bull in a china shop. We need to consider what this situation must be like from her point of view.

She probably WANTS to believe that she will have a comfortable, enjoyable time with you – particularly if she gives you her number. But, unless she feels that comfort while with you, your chances of seeing her again are very slim.

She needs to both know a little (not a lot) more about you, as well as she needs to see on some level that you will lead her out of the inevitable awkwardness of a first date.

So, when I say take five more minutes with her, I REALLY mean – demonstrate to her that you are someone she can trust, and that you have things in common.

This all boils down to being comfortable with yourself as well as being genuinely interested in this new person in front of you.

If you’ve only begun this conversation with her because you are interested in sex, your chances of demonstrating a genuine interest are very low because you are only engaged from your loins. Getting laid is a practice which used to engage me, but not anymore – been there, done that.

My work now is about helping guys understand the nature of attraction, and then how to develop that in themselves in an empowering way.

My suggestion to guys is to find some way to discover more about this woman based on what attracted you to her in the first place. Perhaps she has an interesting personal style, or she is wearing something which catches your eye. Even better are the less visible things like energy, posture and radiance.

My clients’ challenge, as well as many others, is how to inquire into this without being overly needy, awkward or just downright weird. Here are some examples of how to ask questions, demonstrating both social confidence as well as an authentic interest in her:

I couldn’t help but notice that you have a keen eye for color. My sister was a redhead, and also got away with wearing green and orange. She was also into punk rock, so she could get away with wearing really LOUD outfits. Your taste is more subtle, and yet it really works. Do you work in fashion, or were you just blessed with a sensitive eye?

I used to manage a dance company, this was years ago, but I grew to recognize the poise and posture these dancers carried themselves with. They also smoked and drank constantly- amazing right? You have that same body sense – don’t tell me you’re jonezing for a Marlboro just now?

Both of these comments do a number of things.

First, they allow her a glimpse into your world. So, you reveal to her certain aspects of your life which give her a better idea of WHO you are. This is very important, because she has JUST met you and knows nothing about you. If you want to see her again, you’ll want to do this a lot with her. Remember, she needs to feel some comfort with you. By letting her know who you are, and some elements from your past, you begin to become an actual person to her.

Second, these comments are complimentary. Anytime you are getting to know a new woman, you want her to feel GOOD and POSITIVE feelings around you. By complimenting her, in particular on things other than how hot she is, you reveal that you have presence and social confidence. Also, you are inquiring into her background, and the best way to open that door is with a compliment.

Third, you are asking about her in ways that are very different from the average guy. These are not the standard buffet of questions women are bombarded with by men in social settings: “Where are you from?”, “What is your sign?”, “Can I buy you a drink?”

If you need to use these, you are both not paying attention and lack social confidence. This combo is highly unattractive, and normally leaves guys home alone.

Well, I hope this helps. Having social confidence is something I will focus on in the future, as a larger concept. For now though, try to see past the surface of the words of these examples, and digest the real SKILLS that I discuss.

In my experience, most guys really want a girlfriend and they could care less about playing games.

The essence of my work with guys on meeting and dating women is in learning social skills. These skills can translate into any social setting, not just dating. They help guys network, cultivate friendships, and empower their overall social lifestyle. Learning these skills can radically transform a man’s ability to meet and socialize with people in any setting. What is commonly missing in a guys repertoire is POWER. By learning the skills, you harness a more organic, authentic power. This is not about pretending to be something that you aren’t, it’s about really presenting yourself as you are – with intelligence.

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News from Stephen Nash

Hey man -

So, I”ve been a bit quiet recently in this “space”.  Here”s why:

I”ve been working on something else, something I”m really passionate about and something that means a great deal to me.  It”s a non-profit here in NYC, and it revolves around the performing arts.

My consulting work with guys is still super important to me – don”t worry.  In fact, 1-1 time with you guys is what makes me the happiest.  There is NOTHING I enjoy more than seeing the lights go on in a guy”s eyes that tells me “he is starting to get it”.

But, for me to have any integrity with what I teach, I have to build my passion in the world.  That”s happening my man – and right now, too.

So, in case you were wondering about where I went and what I”m up to – I”m still here!  Just building my world one brick at a time – and it”s going incredibly well.  I hope the same can be said for you too.

One question I”d love for you to ponder here…and feel free to leave me some feedback below:

Is it better to “build attraction” or “become attractive”?

Fire away!  I”ve been thinking about this a lot, particularly on a few phone coaching sessions I’ve done recently.  I”d love to hear from you on this, before I share my thoughts (which I”ll do next week).

Cool?  Hope to hear from ya!

Sn.