Style (Neil Strauss) was in New York in September to promote his book “The Game”. He asked me to say a few words about Project Hollywood. Unfortunately, I did not have enough time to get to my Top 10 list (below). But, I did save it and I think it’s pretty funny even if slightly dated.

So, here we go from 10 to 1…

10) Mystery, the great peacocker, owns a pair of white New Balance tennis shoes;

9) Style is learning guitar. The only problem is, he likes to sing when he plays;

8) Mystery is meticulously clean, except for the doors he kicks off their hinges;

7) Calling Playboy’s room the Maid’s quarters is a bit of an overstatement - it was the clothes folding room at best;

6) Courtney Love is totally nuts when she is stoned;

5) Q: What of Tyler Durden’s was slightly larger than that of Sickboy’s?

A: His closet

4) RSD guys, except Playboy, don’t wash their dishes;

3) Herbal has horrible taste in carpets, but has a very nice car;

2) Papa is a terrible driver, and has a very ugly car;

1) The Two and The Three were two of the greatest PUAs of all time - second and third, to “The One” and only Style…

Forgive the tiny homage to Style at the end, but it was his event. Ultimately, I’d bet on Mystery, but I haven’t been in their world for some time now.

Hope you got a laugh out of this…

My friend Donovan at Attraction Chronicles asked me some weeks ago to do an interview with him for his blog. I gladly obliged. You can find it by clicking here. I really believe that the best I have to offer the PUA community is how to leave the “game” mentality, incorporating many skills learned in the field, but now evolve into a trustworthy, autonomous man. I hope that comes through in the interview. Feel free to let me know what you think, or ask questions via the comments link on this post. Thanks - S.

So many words in our lexicon are tossed around with such a variety of meaning, that it’s a true wonder that we understand each other in this culture. This is PARTICULARLY true in the world of dating. One basic concept that you guys HAVE to grasp is the nature of ATTRACTION.

Attraction, in brief, is simply when someone feels a romantic impulse towards another. It is the first step in building a meaningful relationship. What follows are chemistry, connection, compromise and commitment. Initially, if a woman is attracted to you and you to her, you have accomplished the simplest and most elusive building block in a relationship.

I have met many men over the years, and have studied the nature of what is attractive to women. Initially, each woman (and man) has a certain “type” that triggers the potential for attraction. This does not mean that if you don’t fit that type that you are out of luck. It does mean that your chances of engaging her in a flirtatious conversation increase. As a man, it is very hard to know what type a particular woman is attracted to – and there is only one way to find out – initiate a conversation with her. The best way to increase your chances with women, is to increase the attractiveness of your world and the daily life you lead.

Women, intuitively, are looking for a man that fulfills her innate need for security. This is why insecure men have trouble attracting a mate. A secure man tends to embody a sense of humor, focus/determination (he lives with purpose), leadership, humility and vulnerability. Healthy, attractive women crave this combination. These traits are challenging for many men, which is why I believe a guy who struggles with women is living out of balance with himself. His outlook is normally negative, and he seems to respond to life, rather than act or move towards it. Insecurity is a result of being prey to negative emotions, such as depression, anger, envy, greed, lust etc. If a guy struggles with envy, he will find himself walking through the world comparing himself to everyone he meets, subtly fulfilling his internal prophecy of “I am not enough, look at that guy, he’s got it all…”

The essence to being an attractive man is being a positive man. If you are a guy who struggles with dating and relationships, you must ask yourself these essential questions:

• Do you see problems in front of you, or challenges?

• Are you willing to accept yourself as you are, for the moment, and take on the responsibility of creating a life that is truly your own?

• Are you focused on short-term survival, or long-term prosperity?

History proves that, biologically – and therefore, intuitively - women seek out men that give them a sense of security. In order for a man to provide this, he must be secure in himself. A secure man is an autonomous man…he is the elusive one within each of us who craves to call his life his own.

If you desire to persuade people into your life in order to build relationships, you will be far more compelling to others if what you are offering promises to be a positive experience for them. This is a simple sales model – in order to sell a product, it needs to promise a positive experience for the consumer. If your world is filled with positive emotions (humor, happiness, passion, to name a few) you will magnetically bring like-minded people into your life. For example, when you are talking to a woman on the phone, and she asks you “what’s up?” You might reply by painting an interesting and exciting view of the world in front of you – be original. Recently, I was chatting with a girlfriend of mine, and in the middle of the conversation, I described to her the very funny scene happening directly in front of me – which was of two kids playing with a puppy. It was a very humorous way to involve her into my world, one that helped her understand that I see the world as a lively and fun place, and that I am not afraid to share that with her – doing things like this says so much about you as a man, but do you take the time to consider it?

Another great way to reflect a powerful image into the world is in how you dress. Look at your wardrobe. Are you up on the latest fashion? Is your look something you are proud of, that you enjoy? Does your look work for your career path? If not, you might want to consider at least enhancing your wardrobe a bit with some of the basics or by buying a very nice pair of shoes for example. Or, seek out some help in defining a look which works with both your personality and lifestyle, and then find a way to incorporate that – hire an image consultant, get your stylish sister to go shopping with you, buy men’s magazines for ideas…the possibilities are endless here guys. Just remember, the most critical aspect in considering how you dress is to reflect your personality in a powerful way, that also works for the environment or scene that you are in. Might not be best to wear a really cool t-shirt to your corporate job, for example.

If you can be someone who sees the world in a positive light, you will naturally bring people closer to you. Men who are successful with women are those who are autonomous and embody a spirit of security by having a full, meaningful and positive lifestyle. In short, they are happy.

If you would like to know more about attraction, as well as receive some free dating, fashion, style and grooming advice, check out the CEIC mailing list.

I have had the privilege of working with men all around the world in assisting them in meeting women, and in building an attractive and fulfilling lifestyle. CEIC has two state-of-the-art products to help guys achieve the MAXIMUM advantage with women and dating: My ebook, How To Get A Girlfriend and the 7 CD audio program, Natural Attraction, which covers the topics of attraction, connection, meeting women, dating strategies, fashion and style, and lifestyle cultivation, to name a few.

OK – enough of the sales pitch. This is a blog, and not a sales page. But, I feel strongly that guys are misled both by their past beliefs, but also by some contaminating BS about “creating attraction” with words…words/what you say is only PART of the challenge…

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions – and don’t forget to sign-up for our mailing list!

SS.

1) Notice how long it takes women to get ready, consider how much time they spend on looking good for you. How long do you spend getting ready to go out? 15 min, maybe? Take some extra time and really put some effort into looking good, people will take notice.

2) Pick and choose which trends to follow. You don’t want to be too trendy or else you’ll end up looking like a fashion victim, however you should be on top of what’s current and new so that you can be selective with incorporating certain trends into your look.

3) Go to a department store and test out at least a dozen colognes. Instead of spraying them on tester paper, which won’t give you a good idea of how they really smell on your skin, ask for samples… most guys don’t know that they will give you free samples; take them home and try them out. Pick the one that suits you best.

4) Get at least one expensive haircut. The stylist will cut your hair according to the bone structure of your face, accentuating your best features. Remember the style so that it can be duplicated later on buy a less expensive place.

5) If you wear a sport coat or suit, pay close attention to how long the sleeves are; there should always be a half inch of shirt sticking out from under the cuff. This is a $10 alteration that could make your suit look custom made.

6) Make sure that all your clothes work with each other; try to have a common theme throughout. You don’t want to look like an urban cowboy one day and a DJ the next.

7) Go to a tailor today and have him take your correct measurements - put this on the back of a business card, and carry with you everywhere, it will come in handy when buying clothes, especially over the internet.

8) Work on building all parts of your wardrobe; make sure that you spend as much effort dressing casually as you do formally.

9) Keep you eyebrows in control, absolutely no unibrows, and if they are too bushy get them thinned out. Go to a salon if you have to.

10) Buy grooming products that are specific to you. Moisturizer if you have dry skin, deep cleaning shampoo if you have oily hair, etc…

11) No nose hairs ever. Trim these daily if necessary - this is an absolute MUST…second in importance only to having good breath.

12) Always make sure your belt and shoes match. If they are both leather, they must match up. Have at least one brown belt and one black. This is one of the indisputable rules in dressing for men.

13) Try layering up your clothing. Take a look at fashion ads and notice how the models are always wearing two or more layers. The more layers you wear, the more put together and sophisticated you will look. Wear up to 4 layers, with a tie or scarf counting as one layer.

14) Buy a pair of well made shoes and make sure you don’t skimp in this area. A great pair will last you for at least 5 years. In the long run you will actually save money because you won’t have to replace them every 6 months. Keep them well polished at all times.

15) Buy at least one sport coat in a versatile color such as charcoal or navy; better yet get one custom made. There are endless combinations you can do with this item. You can dress it down with a pair of jeans or dress it up with a pair of slacks and tie.

16) Buy at least one suit that you’d never be able to wear to work, something cool and stylish. Maybe it has a colorful pinstripe or is made out of a more casual fabric. You want at least one of these to wear out on the town and at parties. This will really make you stand out as being well dressed.

17) Try dressing down items that are more formal. Pair a luxurious fabric like velvet with well-worn denim. The contrasting pieces will create an intriguing look.

18) Fill your wardrobe with high quality classics items that won’t go out of style. For example, a leather jacket, a navy blazer, and a pair of good quality jeans.

19) The only jewelry a man should have is a nice watch and perhaps a wedding ring when the time is right. We’re against the whole earrings on men thing unless you are in a band…Also, avoid gold and diamonds or you’ll end up looking like a rapper - unless, of course, you ARE a rapper.

20) Avoid wearing black dress shoes. It’s not that we have anything against black shoes, it’s just that they always look better in a darker brown color; they are more stylish too. For the ultimate, try Cordovan (horsehide) leather shoes. They have a deep, rich color that only gets better with age. Cordovan leather was originally used to make army boots because it is so indestructible.

21) If you’re a khakis kind of guy, go out and buy some jeans; you need to mix it up and go for something more casual. Likewise, if you’re a jeans guy, go out and buy some dressier pants, perhaps a pair of corduroys or chinos.

22) Manicure - 1 x per week (do it yourself); for both toenails and fingernails - be sure your fingernails are clean and trimmed at all times. A woman will look at your nails before she looks at what brand your watch is.

23) Invest in a classic tuxedo that will never go out of style. Make sure it has peaked lapels and is one or two button. You will stand out from the crowd of guys who rent. Renting is a waste of money in the long run.

24) Always make sure you have good breath. A great way to make sure of this is to buy a tongue scraper and always wash with antiseptic mouthwash. Nothing is a bigger turn-off than bad breath.

25) Last but not least, never talk about how much effort you put into shopping, grooming, looking good, etc. Make it appear as if you do all of this effortlessly, be almost secretive about it. Brush off compliments with… “oh how nice of you to notice…”

This is a MUST read for guys looking to attract a girlfriend into their lives. I wrote this some time ago, but it is still totally relevant and HELPFUL…

You might be the coolest guy in the world, with great stories, successful career, killer clothes and an awesome social life. However, if your home is not equipped with these 10 essentials, that smooth first impression you made will head south as fast as geese in a snowstorm.

A woman should be excited to see your home. She has enjoyed getting to know you, and is now open to taking things to the next level. She arrives at your door, hoping that you can provide a cool, comfortable and romantic experience. Follow these tips and you’ll do that plus more…

1) Clean Bathroom. This is number one for a reason. Please, please don’t let her walk in there and find no toilet paper. Right now, go to the bathroom. If you are down to one roll (meaning, the ACTIVE one) stop reading this and go to the store. Buy at least 6 rolls to have on hand. Also, she should never see hair shavings scattered in the sink and a black ring around the tub. She sees this…you never see her again.

2) An Unusual or Exotic Coffee or Tea. If she doesn’t drink alcohol, she will really appreciate this touch. A good place to find either item is in a gourmet grocery store. Get fresh ground coffee or fresh tea leaves. Coffee in a can or tea bags doesn’t cut it here.

3) Entertainment. No Barry White or Marvin Gaye, they are just beyond comical and cliché. Try Portishead, Coldplay or Ben Harper. Also, have at least half a dozen movies that you can pull out in a moments notice. You are looking for something that sets a romantic, yet fun mood. Here are some suggestions: Don Juan DeMarco, Annie Hall, There’s Something About Mary, Arthur, Casablanca, Hitch, and Sidewalks of New York are all great options.

4) One Special Recipe. You don’t need the cooking expertise of Daniel Boulud, but it is important, not to mention impressive, that you be able to prepare at least one good meal. After selecting your signature dish, consult the local wine shop for the perfect match. A suggestion: baked fish is simple, healthy, elegant, and can be combined with a light vegetable or two. Also, go the extra mile by buying a small, tasty tart or cake from the local bakery for dessert. The result: an unforgettable, gourmet meal that separates you from the pack.

5) Non-fluorescent Mood Lighting. Overhead lighting tends to wash-out color and feel stark. Have areas lit by lamps, adding to the romantic mood. Also, if you have a lava lamp, toss that in the garbage along with the tie-dyed t-shirts. Or, at least hide them in the closet.

6) Wine. Always have 2 bottles of wine on hand, one red and one white. No need to go overboard, but don’t skimp either and buy “Boone’s Farm”. $20 per bottle is plenty. Also, be sure to own wine glasses. Have at least four on hand, as they break easily.

7) Hide the Video Games. Nothing says “lazy, loser, and adolescent” like an X-box on the floor in front of your TV. Video games are female repellant. Why? I’ll never know. It’s like trying to uncover the mystery of why girls go to the bathroom in packs…

8) Family Photo. Let her know you came from somewhere; that you weren’t dropped on earth last week in the bar where you met. It’s certainly comforting for her to know this, but even better to SEE it. A solo picture of mom is a major plus here too.

9) Semi-Stocked Fridge. Make sure there is more than a bottle of ketchup and half a six pack of Bud. Have some snacks that you won’t need to prepare. Ice cream, fresh fruit, chocolate, and cheese are all great, light foods. Also, for a sophisticated, simple snack try sliced tomatoes with basil and mozzarella. It bespeaks sophistication and intelligence, while not requiring hours of preparation.

10) Shorts and a Tee Shirt. Have a spare for her if she decides to stay over. Don’t buy a pair of shorts with a size 25 waist; she’ll either think they’re from a previous girl or that you’re a player. Get one that would fit you, but with a drawstring; very inconspicuous, and thoughtful.

Having a clean place can make up for a lack of any of these points. Keeping clean shows respect for your guests. At minimum, be sure the kitchen is clean with no old dishes in the sink, and no dirty clothes scattered on the floor. Most importantly - the bed MUST be made.

Overall your place needs to look neither fussy nor girly. This is a bachelor pad, so let it be obvious that a single man lurks within. Your place should reflect you and do so effectively. If you have any questions, invite a female friend over for lunch, and ask for her no-holds-barred opinion.

Be sure your home is inviting and comfortable for her first visit, so she wants to come back for a second…

Last night I was out with some friends, and we were hanging out in my old neighborhood - the lower east side of Manhattan. My how things have changed. It’s such an interesting neighborhood. When I lived there (1994-2000), it underwent a radical change - which continues to this day. I had wanted to explore the area from Rivington Street to Houston, between Allen and Clinton for some time.

A few of us went down there to try out the Sugar Sweet Sunshine Bakery, which has an excellent array of cupcakes, teas, coffees etc. It has a small seating area in the front - let’s call it cozy. I wonder if they will be able to have outdoor seating on the street too (if memory serves, they do have a bench in front). The atmosphere was very “sweet” and simple, definitely friendly - a plus for a neighborhood which has the subtle air of snobbery nowadays. The only drawback was the service was slow - and the line was very confusing.

In my book, How To Get A Girlfriend, I counsel guys to have a couple of ideas for good first dates. They should be creative, adventurous and…..inexpensive. I am definitely NOT a proponent for taking women (whom you barely know, by the way) to an expensive restaurant in hopes of impressing them with your taste and $$. Perhaps eventually this is a good idea (can you afford it??), but initially try to use your imagination. What we did was have a few cupcakes at SSSB, then we set-out to explore the neighborhood.

At the corner of Rivington and Clinton is a very interesting little cafe called Falai. The look inside was like peering thru a window into another world. The street is fairly dirty and unkempt, but the interior of Falai is absolutely pristine. We did not go inside, but the prices at the cafe were VERY affordable, and the atmosphere was very clean and cozy. Like most NYC cafes and restaurants, it did appear cramped, but I can’t imagine it would interfere with a stimulating conversation.

Next, we peered into the old Angel Orensanz temple on Norfolk, just south of Houston. Unfortunately, the doors were locked. Inside they feature galleries of photography, sculpture and paintings. They also have performances in the main hall. Years ago, when with Dzieci, we did a performance or two there - and the inside is something VERY special. It is an old synagogue, with a massive hall as the central space. During the daytime, this would be an awesome spot to visit.

See the ideas here? As you stroll thru the date, you essentially give her a tour of the neighborhood, while hitting some of the local hotspots. Ideally, you’ve spent some time down there before and actually know what you are talking about. You reveal your adventurous spirit, while also experiencing some great new neighborhood hotspots.

The last spot we hit was Teany, again on Rivington Street. Teany was apparently opened by Moby and his (ex?)-girlfriend Kelly. The cafe is, again, small but the teas we had were all very good and fresh (key). We sat outside, and watched the LESers walk past, on their way to and from the local clubs. The “coolness” was palpable when three rockers spilled out of their cab, drunken, and fell down the stairs into the cafe. They were awarded a seat and tea like the rest of us. One was on his feet dancing to Squeeze instantly, while Kelly, totally nonchalant, just minded her business and kept working. The staff at Teany is very sweet and kind, as is the overall atmosphere. This is an ideal spot to end a date - no question.

So, what are the ideas at play here? First, we are exploring a neighborhood which is changing rapidly - and you are LEADING this experience. Next, you are taking her to places that you know (so, scout out these venues FIRST), which should be charming and interesting - “he has great taste, and he knows all these cool places!”. Last, not a lot of money will pass through your hands, in case the evening is a dud, or if you find you simply don’t have a helluva lot in common.

I will be following this post up with others soon which detail perfect first date’s in other neighborhoods, cities etc.

S.

A client of mine spent some time together on the phone last night, and a very interesting question came up which I thought I would share.

This guy’s challenge is CLASSIC, and one that I see everyday in the men that I work with. He has a naturally wry sense of humor, and gets “flirting” very easily. He is very skilled at, dare I say it, cocky & funny. This often leads him to getting phone numbers from women. In fact, he averages (without even trying) a couple of new numbers per WEEK. So, this is done without even trying OK?

However, when he phones these women a few days later, they are mildly interested, courteous, but they essentially blow him off. He rarely gets an actual date with them.

What the &%$# is happening here?

This is a COMMON problem.

Well, there is a long answer and a short answer. The short answer is that he is not spending enough time with her. So, I told him, give yourself five more minutes with her, so she feels that she knows you better. But, that is only the beginning.

I think we need to realize that women are much more sensitive socially than men. Men often barrel their way through a conversation much like a bull in a china shop. We need to consider what this situation must be like from her point of view.

She probably WANTS to believe that she will have a comfortable, enjoyable time with you – particularly if she gives you her number. But, unless she feels that comfort while with you, your chances of seeing her again are very slim.

She needs to both know a little (not a lot) more about you, as well as she needs to see on some level that you will lead her out of the inevitable awkwardness of a first date.

So, when I say take five more minutes with her, I REALLY mean – demonstrate to her that you are someone she can trust, and that you have things in common.

This all boils down to being comfortable with yourself as well as being genuinely interested in this new person in front of you.

If you’ve only begun this conversation with her because you are interested in sex, your chances of demonstrating a genuine interest are very low because you are only engaged from your loins. Getting laid is a practice which used to engage me, but not anymore – been there, done that.

My work now is about helping guys understand the nature of attraction, and then how to develop that in themselves in an empowering way.

My suggestion to guys is to find some way to discover more about this woman based on what attracted you to her in the first place. Perhaps she has an interesting personal style, or she is wearing something which catches your eye. Even better are the less visible things like energy, posture and radiance.

My clients’ challenge, as well as many others, is how to inquire into this without being overly needy, awkward or just downright weird. Here are some examples of how to ask questions, demonstrating both social confidence as well as an authentic interest in her:

“I couldn’t help but notice that you have a keen eye for color. My sister was a redhead, and also got away with wearing green and orange. She was also into punk rock, so she could get away with wearing really LOUD outfits. Your taste is more subtle, and yet it reall works. Do you work in fashion, or were you just blessed with a sensitive eye?”

“I used to manage a dance company, this was years ago, but I grew to recognize the poise and posture these dancers carried themselves with. They also smoked and drank constantly…amazing right? You have that same body sense – don’t tell me you’re jonezing for a Marlboro just now…”

Both of these comments do a number of things.

First, they allow her a glimpse into your world. So, you reveal to her certain aspects of your life which give her a better idea of WHO you are. This is very important, because she has JUST met you and knows nothing about you. If you want to see her again, you’ll want to do this a lot with her. Remember, she needs to feel some comfort with you. By letting her know who you are, and some elements from your past, you begin to become an actual person to her.

Second, these comments are complimentary. Anytime you are getting to know a new woman, you want her to feel GOOD and POSITIVE feelings around you. By complimenting her, in particular on things other than how hot she is, you reveal that you have presence and social confidence. Also, you are inquiring into her background, and the best way to open that door is with a compliment.

Third, you are asking about her in ways that are very different from the average guy. These are not the standard buffet of questions women are bombarded with by men in social settings: “Where are you from?”, “What is your sign?”, “Can I buy you a drink”…if you need to use these, you are both not paying attention and lack social confidence. This combo is highly unattractive, and normally leaves guys home alone…

Well, I hope this helps. Having social confidence is something I will focus on in the future, as a larger concept. For now though, try to see past the surface of the words of these examples, and digest the real SKILLS that I discuss.

In my experience, most guys really want a girlfriend and they could care less about playing games.

The essence of CEIC’s work with guys on meeting and dating women is in learning social skills. These skills can translate into any social setting, not just dating. They help guys network, cultivate friendships, and empower their overall social lifestyle. Learning these skills can radically transform a man’s ability to meet and socialize with people in any setting. What is commonly missing in a guys repertoire is POWER. By learning the skills, you harness a more organic, authentic power. This is not about pretending to be something that you aren’t, it’s about really presenting yourself as you are – with intelligence.

Stephen Nash

I’ve been thinking of doing this for some time. I love to write, and have updated the hell out of my book recently - to be released real soon. Anyway, I’ll be posting articles, experiences, comments, etc here as regularly as possible. It’s a way for me to reach out, expand my network, and to spread the word about CEIC.

As always, YOUR COMMENTS ARE WELCOME.

Give me a few days to start posting…
Stephen.

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