What is Powerful Body Language?

What does your body language say about you?

When you walk into a room, what do you think people “read” from your body language?

Try this out – the next time you are with people (perhaps you are right now?…), notice their body language, and see what impression they create on you.

Do they appear strong, confident, driven or motivated?

Or, do they seem meek, timid, confused, and/or LOST?

Can you see a parallel with these ideas and the ideas of being attractive vs. unattractive?? If not, let me spell it out for you…

Guys who have strong, confident body language are ATTRACTIVE

Guys who don’t, are UNATTRACTIVE

Go to a mirror and see for yourself – what kind of body language do you have?

Are your shoulders slouched, or are you upright? Do you walk with your head held high, or do you tend to look down?

I remember working with a client of ours a number of months ago. We were in a lounge area, and were enjoying some drinks before going out. I pointed out to him that his body language was pretty closed off – arms and legs crossed – signaling to others that he was not approachable, and was not interested in meeting anyone new.

He agreed to try a little experiment, and change his body language. I told him to uncross his legs, and, more importantly, to uncross his arms. He did, and commented that he felt “weird”.

A few minutes later, a stunning blonde approached us to ask “directions” to a club two blocks away…within minutes she, and her gorgeous Spanish friend, were sitting with us having a blast. Later on that evening, I asked Ms. Stunning Blonde why she asked us for directions. Her answer?

“You guys seemed so open. I also thought your friend was cute, so, you know, what the hell!”

What the hell…

The point of this article is not to convince you that having perfect body language forever ends your challenges with the opposite sex. What it IS intended to convey is the importance of body language and how other people, unconsciously, read it and form impressions about YOU.

If you want more confirmation of this, check out the body language of most of the hottest stars in Hollywood, like Tom Cruise, or Russell Crowe. See how they stand and carry themselves – with power, upright, always looking people directly in the eye.

Now imagine them with a slouch, head down, shifty-eyed….creepy isn’t it??

If you carry yourself with power, other people will assume that you OWN that power internally. If you look them in the eye when you speak, they will assume that you have something of VALUE to say!

Mastering your own body language is critical to your success with women. If you communicate to them that you are insecure, unconfident, and have low self-esteem you will see a LOT of ass….walking away from you.

Clear?

Our program “Natural Attraction” is designed to help you gain mastery of your inner self so that you naturally carry yourself with power and esteem.

We also cover the basics of body language and vocal tonality so that you have the MAXIMUM advantage in any/all social settings.

If you want to attract and date beautiful women, you need the maximum advantage don’t you? Wouldn’t you like your body language to work FOR you rather than AGAINST?

Check out what else this state-of-the-art product offers you by clicking the link below. As you do so, check your posture RIGHT NOW – are you filled with confidence and direction?

Do this a few times per day. This will help you understand what you unconsciously broadcast to other people. Also, does your body language change when around attractive women?

It is first critical that you are aware of what your body language says about you, then it is up to you to take the necessary actions to fix it.

Hope that helps you. Feel free to send me your questions. I always value hearing from guys in the world really trying to change their lives.

Your friend,

Stephen

Many guys are clueless when it comes to reading the signals women send them. In general, women expect men to approach them and initiate contact. However, there are MANY signs early on that she’s into you…or not. These are subtle, and indirect. But, an ability to read these is vital to your success.

I was recently talking to a female friend of mine, who is very interested in a guy she met. They were introduced at a party, and had a great conversation. They exchanged contact details, and she was hoping to hear from him. Days passed however with no contact from the guy. I asked her why she didn’t just contact him herself. Her reply? “Women don’t contact men at first – that’s YOUR job”.

Well, a week later, I happened to meet this guy. I asked him about his conversation with my friend, and if he enjoyed talking with her. His reply? “Big time. She is way cute. But, I could tell she wasn’t digging me – so, I didn’t go for it. I hate rejection man.”

So, this girl was INTO this guy and yet they will NEVER date each other simply because he did not pick-up on the subtleties of the interaction, and she refuses to make the first contact…frustrating, right? Do you think this has happened to YOU? I would venture to guess it has.

Most women are not direct about their interest in men. They ARE however indirect and subtle. Our job is to learn what these cues are. Here is a sampling of five signs that she is into you:

1) When you begin the interaction, does she give you her full attention? Does she turn her body to face yours? Even if you are in a group, talk directly with her and notice how she shifts her body. If she turns to face you, she is attracted to you.

2) Who is holding the conversation? You are looking for a 50/50 balance. However, if she is only responding to your questions, and never replying with questions of her own – you are in trouble. At that point, change your delivery style and make statements, withdrawing your interest a bit (questions always signal interest). Talk about what interests you, your observations, etc. See then if she fills the energy void, and starts probing you a bit. If not, she is being courteous, but she isn’t interested.

3) There are a number of gestures that women unconsciously do that signal their interest in men. A big one is twirling their hair. Another obvious one is shifting their weight. Also, if she licks her lips, she feels attracted. Ultimately, watch her eyes – are they glued to you? Or, does she keep looking away, distracted? If she can’t take her eyes off of you – guess what – she is INTO you!

4) We normally advise guys to never lean-in to women when talking with them – particularly in the first interaction. However, if you are unsure about her level of comfort and interest, close the space between you by taking a step forward or lean-in – sublety is KEY her guys. If she doesn’t retreat, she is basically comfortable with you. If she does, simply back up and keep talking to her. She is not comfortable…yet.

5) When you ask for her number, is she obviously open to giving it to you? If she resists, or seems nervous about it, be careful. This doesn’t necessarily mean the book is closed, but it does mean that she does not yet trust you. Suggestion: change the subject, try to mix in some humor as well as some stories from your life. She needs to feel comfortable opening up her world with you. Once you have done this, ask again for her number. If you’ve done your job, the digits will be yours in a flash.

As a general rule, if you sense that she is not really into you, definitely keep talking to her but do NOT apply pressure to her. So, stay away from asking questions of her. Instead, make statements about yourself, your surroundings, or tell stories. The BEST thing to do is to make statements of observation about HER. If you notice something compelling about her style, look, energy, SAY it. Do this gracefully and with class, and her level of interest will hit the roof – guaranteed!

Good luck!

Whenever I give fashion advice, the primary aspect I stress is that guys must have a personal style. For women it’s different, they always have the “look of the season.” For guys, there is no “look” or “season,” and as a result less rules for them to follow. With less rules come less fashion mistakes. When guys start to dip their toe in the pool of fashion, trying to catch that “look of the season” disaster is inevitable.

The wheels of men’s style turn so slowly that rarely does any one item of clothing look too dated. However, every so often a look or item will creep up and explode in popularity to the point where it looks ridiculous in a years time.

Right now there is a look going around that is total fashion poison. I call it the “Velvet Rope Uniform.” You’ve all seen it in some shape or form. The defining factor is the colorful, stripped, button-down shirt, worn untucked.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, drive past any club in America on Saturday night and look at the guys waiting in line to get in. Guaranteed 80% will be dressed in some form of the VRU.

Other items that define the VRU:

Designer Bootcut jeans- These are essential to the VRU. They are usually from Seven, True Religion, or Paper Denim & Cloth. Guys that rock the VRU don’t know how to buy their size, so usually their jeans are too short, “hovering” right about the shoe.

Black leather lace up shoes- Fine for the office, dorky for a night out. Bootcut jeans call for a ‘heavier” shoe, like a boot or a sneaker. Most leather dress shoes are too “delicate” to be worn with jeans. It throws off the whole balance of the outfit.

Gelled hair- Ease up on the slickness Rico Suave. Try using a dab of pomade instead. It provides good hold without the hardness.

Leather Blazer- I can’t believe people still wear these. Maybe they were cool in the 80’s when Burt Reynolds wore them, as for today, a HUGE no.

Ironic Tee Shirt- The “Getting Lucky in Kentucky” shirt was funny for about 5 minutes. It’s dead now, so leave it alone. VRU guys will sometimes swap out their striped shirts for these; but don’t let that fool you.

Now that you know what defines the VRU, avoid it at all costs or else end up looking like a total fashion victim. There is no fashion in menswear, no “look of the season.” Every once in a while one will emerge, and the latest happens to be the Velvet Rope Uniform.

Strive for personal style and I guarantee you won’t laugh when you look at pictures of yourself in 10 years. Think about how we look at pictures of Sinatra, James Dean, and Steve McQueen from 30+ years ago and think… damn, he was a cool guy.

No reason why you can’t do this for yourself. That is my challenge to you.

Ever find yourself waiting for your “late” date at the restaurant, wondering if she is even going to show?  Or, perhaps you step out of the shower excited to see a woman that evening, only to find a voicemail from her stating that “an old friend is in town”…

There is nothing more frustrating for men in the dating game than when a girl flakes on us.  For some odd reason, some women feel they have the right to agree to spend time with us, only to cancel at the last minute – or, worse, they don’t even show.  This is flat-out rude and insensitive.

But, within this there is a real principle at play that we can learn about.  So, lets try to discover some ways to prevent this going forward.

What causes flaking??

The most elemental reason women flake on guys is that they feel a lack of trust for him.  In my ebook, How To Get A Girlfriend, and moreso in the CEIC audio program, Natural Attraction, I discuss the critical nature of trust and security.  The presence of it, or not, can determine whether you see her again…or not…

I used to be victim to this OFTEN.  Living in LA years ago, I used to go out a lot with my friends.  We’d dress like rock stars, and regularly ended up with the most attractive women in the club.  However, our vibe was so “player” they’d end up never returning our calls, much less hanging out with us.  It was obvious we were looking to hook-up.  Most women want to be with guys who are both cool and fun to hang out with, but who are also not only interested in sex.

If your primary means of meeting women is via a cold approach or in clubs and bars, you’re going to have to work to win her trust.  Clubs and bars are sexually charged environments, and normally interactions in these places are laced with sexual energy.  This is not bad, and can be in our favor.  However, what most guys forget is that meeting women in these environments demands a focus on trust – in other words, build a connection with her, learn about her, and tell her about YOU.

9 times out of 10, the girl who flakes is the one whom you barely know.  You met briefly at Starbucks, or on your way out of the party, or on the loud dance floor.  She probably thinks you are attractive, but feels a bit reluctant to carve out serious chunks of time to see you because she has no idea if you have anything to talk about!

From her point of view, she imagines this attractive guy with whom she might have to endure a seriously awkward and uncomfortable time.  What would YOU do?  Right, you’d cancel in a flash.

So, what are some ways that we can now build trust and connection, to virtually remove “flaking” from our vocabulary?  Well, here are my thoughts:

1) Talk to her in two different locations.  So, if you are in the line at Starbucks, be sure to chat with her again (even if you’ve received her number) at the cream and sugar station.  Or, if you are at a rowdy bar, ask her to join you at another quieter spot so you can hear each other better.

2) Don’t just flirt with her, talk about yourself.  Most guys slip into “asking questions” when they feel nervous or don’t know what to say.  This is a HUGE turn-off because you’ve now delivered the responsibility for the conversation to HER.  You’ve just subtly told her you are insecure and have poor social skills.  Instead, simply and smoothly, tell her about your life, your day, your interests…whatever.  I have a concept I call baiting, where I can talk about anything and lace the conversation with details about my life.  In brief, as you talk and flirt, be sure to fill-it with things like, “being from the west coast…” or “I used to manage tours around the world, and once when I was in…” or “I lived in LA before moving back to NYC, and we’d often…”  See what’s happening here?  I am filling the conversation with FACTS about my life – she then doesn’t have to ask questions of me, I have answered them for her in advance.

3) Mix her in with your social circle.  If you are out with friends, introduce her to them.  The most common way people meet each other is via social circle.  So, by mingling her into yours, you’ve introduced this connection through the back door.  She’ll see and meet your friends, and further confirm that you’re a cool guy.  By doing this, she instantly feels more comfortable and trusting of you as you now fit into a CONTEXT other than “the guy I met at the bar last night”.  You now have a full social life in her eyes…a golden egg in the world of meeting and dating women.

So, if you can handle these three areas when meeting women, you will see your flake-ration plummet and hopefully disappear.

Ultimately, if you are looking to get a girlfriend, trolling clubs and bars is not the BEST place to do so…that happens via community and social circle (most often - Yes, there is the occasional bar hookup that ends up long-term too)

Good luck to you all!  Feel free to post any questions etc…

SN.

In my ebook, “How To Get A Girlfriend”, I cover seven measurable ways a man can increase his attractiveness, while fulfilling his own autonomy. In this way, he attracts the RIGHT women to him - not just anyone. This is an art.

One concept that I touch on in the book, and that I want to embellish on here is the idea of growing ones social circle. It’s one thing to simply meet people, and hang out having fun, but it’s quite another to build a community around me which supports me while also challenging me to live at my edge. The latter is the BEST way to meet the women who are right for me. This is the single most important piece of relationship advice that I can offer. But, this must be done with intelligence.

I could spin tales of picking-up girls, wild stories from clubs, amazing parties I’ve attended, gorgeous models I’ve talked with – I could do this for hours in fact. Would it be interesting? Absolutely. Does every guy NEED to have such experiences? Maybe. Was it, in the end, fulfilling and meaningful? Nope.

You see, I started teaching guys how to make the right moves, and spin the right words, into a sexual encounter. I was able to teach this because I was able to do this. In the end though, I was bored with the moves and lines, and felt that the REAL calling was a bit different.

Picking-up women is sort of like mining for fool’s gold. You definitely find some, and it looks GREAT – but take it to the jeweler, and you’ll find very little value there. And when you measure the time and energy spent devoted to the cause, you’ll find yourself in some serious debt – as I did.

So, if you want a girlfriend (as many guys do), the single BEST tip I can give you is this:

Cultivate Community

That’s really it. Women naturally expect to meet men via their friends and their social circle. They feel comfortable meeting men this way. Comfort is critical in a relationship. The irony is, most women will also tell you that they wish for men to approach them in social environments – bars, clubs, lounges, cafes etc. However, what typically happens is either a sexual attraction, or no lasting attraction.

The benefit of meeting via social circle or community is that you already have things in common which can feed the relationship. The more commonalities you share, the better. When you meet someone “cold”, the likelihood for commonalities is obviously lower.

So, how can we skillfully cultivate our community? Here are some ways:

1) Organize outings. The best way to nurture and expand a community is to gather together, and open invites out to others. Perhaps this means hosting a party, and inviting your friends. But, add the additional flavor of having each guest bring someone that no one else will know. This way, you automatically meet new people, and the community thrives.

2) Be a leader. I have a friend who knows the various bouncers at the clubs here in New York. He organizes groups of friends to go to a cool restaurant followed by hitting some of the hottest clubs in NYC. The key here is that he is in charge, and is seen as the leader of the group. It becomes easier then for him to meet the new people (women) in the group, and he is naturally more attractive by being in the center position.

3) Test the group. Organize events and outings where people are challenged and forced to grow. This might seem an odd idea, but let me explain. When you go through an emotionally expanding experience with other people, your bond naturally strengthens. I remember when I was younger, my parents and I would always attend a whitewater rafting trip with friends. Afterwards, the members of the group would be closer, having been through this challenge together. In fact, three new couples were born out of these trips.

So, my basic rule of thumb is, if you are looking to get laid, go out to bars and clubs, bring a condom and have a blast. If you are looking for a girlfriend, cultivate a lifestyle which feeds you happiness, and watch as you meet the right woman almost effortlessly. The effort should be towards living a life which reflects you, and brings you in contact with like-minded people. Your demand for “now” may not be met, but with a little patience, the reward will come.

Hope that helps guys.

Feel free to email me anytime. Always happy to answer questions or hear reports from the field.

Signing off,

SN

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