Want to know the REAL reason women are turned-off by men? The answer might surprise you.

You’re probably thinking it has to do with your haircut, the pleats in your pants, or your bank account. In fact, it usually has NOTHING to do with these things.

I cover this in absurd detail in my ebook How To Get A Girlfriend, but here’s a brief overview…

I remember being blown off by a girl in college. I had asked her out, and she gave me the classic, “Let me call you back, OK?” Well, I am sure you know the rest of this sad tale. She never called. However, I did run into her a few weeks later and asked her out again. I figured she had “forgotten” to call!

What she told me completely changed my life:

“You’re too needy, I don’t like that. I want a man I can trust, not someone who is clingy and needs me” (she emphasized “needs”…ugh)

Wow….my head spun for days. I couldn’t believe she had said that. And, what’s more, I couldn’t believe she could TELL after having only met me for 10 minutes!

Well, that began my journey to being successful with dating and women. The sting of those remarks has never left me!

What I learned over the years may surprise you. There are CLASSIC and CONSISTENT ways guys project neediness when meeting new women. Here they are:

1) Ask Too Many Questions: There is nothing wrong with being curious and inquisitive. However, if that is all you do when you meet a new woman, you are subtly telling her that you are seeking rapport with her while knowing NOTHING about her. There needs to be a balance of questions, statements, observations, stories etc. The amount of talking needs to be shared equally between the two of you - 50/50. If you find yourself rifling off boring questions like “Where are you from?”, “What’s Your Sign?”, “What’s Your Bra Size?”…you are in serious trouble. (Note: Check out this recent article of mine which covers this in greater detail)

2) Needy Body Language: A great tool you can own is the ability to read body language. Imagine a conversation where one person is leaning into another. Perhaps they are making a point, or perhaps they are trying to listen to what the other has to say. Which has the power? You guessed it – it’s the one standing upright, not the one leaning. How is your body language right now as you read this? Are you hunched over at your desk, or are you sitting tall in your chair? Empower yourself by changing your body language. Never lean in to a woman, and always sit or stand tall. There are no exceptions to this rule. Let her lean into you.

3) Weak Vocal Tone: If you are afraid of being heard, you communicate timidity, neediness and insecurity. If you project your voice, with a confident tone you ALSO say you expect to be heard and are confident in what you have to say. I cannot stress the importance of a powerful vocal tone – it is ESSENTIAL.

If you are able to master these, you will prevent the SYMPTOMS of neediness from appearing. However, the best and surest way to remedy these is to tackle the problem head-on. How do you do that?

Study this one word:

AUTONOMY

Now, if you want to clearly “get” why this idea is critical for you to understand, and why it is ESSENTIAL that you internalize it, then check out the Natural Attraction Audio Program wherein I lead you through a step-by-step process to both develop autonomy (ie - a man leading his OWN life) while reducing your neediness and dependence upon women for validation and approval. I also help you develop an action plan to put you on the FAST TRACK for success. This of course includes countless tips and strategies for actually conversing with women - but it is the ONLY product which collaborates with you to help cultivate a fulfilling and empowering lifestyle.

So, enough of being needy and clingy with women. You are destroying your chances before you even start!

As always, please let me know if you have any questions by posting below. It’s always great hearing from guys.

As always, good luck!

Stephen Nash

Your decision in footwear says a lot about you. On a first date, the first thing women notice is a man’s shoes. Likewise, interviewers are trained to notice if the candidate took the time to polish his shoes. Shoes are important.

An art history professor of mine once remarked that an art dealer friend of his could always tell if a client was going to drop big bucks by the quality of shoes he was wearing, regardless of anything else sartorial.

Why is it that shoes say this much about a man?

If you are wearing a great pair of shoes, it conveys that you are a person who cares about details and looks beyond the surface of things; an ideal worker, client, and boyfriend in some cases.

Shoes are the most critical detail to your look. Wearing nice clothes with cheap shoes is like having a clean room with a cluttered closet. It doesn’t reveal the whole truth, as something looks “off” and improper.

Here are some sound tips on buying great, lasting footwear that says all the right things.

First, good shoes don’t come cheap. However, if you look at how long they will last, it is well worth it. A $300 pair of shoes will last about 5-10 years with proper care. This sure beats paying $150 for something you’ll need to replace in a year and a half.

Also, the best shoes available come from Northern England. Namely: Edward Green, Grenson, Crocket & Jones, Church’s, and John Lobb. These will set you apart from the usual Kenneth Cole crowd. These shoes offer better, hand made construction and superior leathers. Two comparable American brands are Allen Edmunds, a shoe which I consider the best value for your money, and Alden.

For the more stylish guy, consider a pair of Chelsea boots from any one of these makers. Chelsea boots go equally great with a suit or a pair of jeans outside the office.

Even when wearing sneakers you can still look stylish. Instead of wearing running shoes or Air Jordans, try a classic athletic sneaker. These have been very popular over the past few years. A few styles to look out for are: Converse Jack Purcell, Adidas Superstar, Converse All-Star, Adidas Stan Smith, Van’s Slip-On, or Onitsuka Tiger.

Remember that while shoes are a detail, it is the first detail people notice. Put a little effort into finding something special and it will make a great impression. Don’t be the guy with the clean room and cluttered closet.

Stephen

I had this GREAT question in my email this morning from a guy questioning how to talk to women on the phone. So many guys get flustered and freaked out when they have to place that first call to a woman. What do you say? What do you talk about? How do you transition into securing plans for a date?

I am a huge fan of CEIC, and really loved your ebook. It helped me get some inner game issues totally settled. I have read other books, but they didn’t describe things like “How To Get A Girlfriend” does.

Darryl, Santa Fe, NM

Hey Darryl,

Thanks for the props on the ebook. Glad to know it is helping you out. I get a lot of questions, but yours stuck out because it addresses both an inner game and an outer game challenge.

First of all, lets not forget that beautiful women are PEOPLE. OK? I know it is natural to be a bit freaked out, but honestly Darryl…if she gave you her number, and had a fun conversation with you, she is INTO you man! So, stop worrying about her beauty, and remember that she might be nervous about talking to you too. The dating scene is tough for everyone, so don’t make it tougher on yourself here. Before you call her try to relax, take a couple of deep breaths, and follow this little plan of action:

1) Don’t introduce yourself on the phone like this, “Hey it’s Darryl, you know – from Starbucks?? Remember me??” Bad, bad, bad…here is what you say:

“So, I was back in the same Starbucks, and I remembered what you said about the Soy Chai Frappa Latte Mocha Ventis, and decided to give it a shot. I haven’t even blinked in four hours – I am completely wired…how can you handle these things?”

So, this is obviously in jest – made clear by the ridiculous sounding name of the coffee drink. Here, I remind her who I am, I reset her current emotional reality by also reminded her of my impeccable sense of humor. See how that works? You want her to recall the emotions felt when she met you and gave you her number. The best way to do that is to simply reengage using your brand of humor. Got it?

2) Bring her into your world by simply describing how great your day and life are. If you feel miserable, depressed and aimless then definitely DO NOT pour this negativity onto her! Instead, see the glass of your life as half-full and tell her about the great life you have. Chapter II & III of my ebook should completely settle this issue for you, so reread if you have to.

3) Wrap it up with a version of the following:

“I am going to a great event on Saturday night. And I will give you three clues: one, it is on a boat; two, it is under the stars; three, it is not formal, but cool. Would love it if you joined me.”

Here, you once again reset the feelings accompanied with humor (by only giving her clues to the event), and invite her out to spend the evening with you. I believe in being straightforward when going for the date. Others may tell you to ask her out a certain way, but I believe the real work is done BEFORE the question. If she is into you, you could send her smoke signals and she would say yes. OK?

That’s it Darryl. Want to thank you for your question, and hopefully it will help other guys out too!

Oh, and by the way, if you are reading this and haven’t picked up my ebook “How To Get A Girlfriend”, you can click here and be reading it in 5 minutes. In it I go over everything you need to know about meeting and dating beautiful women, along with priceless advice on getting your life and lifestyle together so you can KEEP her!

Have a great day gentlemen

Stephen

If you’ve read my ebook, How To Get A Girlfriend then this should be old hat for you, but if not - listen up: There is a difference between being a nice MAN and being a nice CHUMP.

We’ve all heard it…and, to a degree, it’s true…”nice guys finish last”.

Why is that? I mean, wouldn’t YOU be flattered with someone who buys you everything you want, arrives promptly on time, thinks of you day and night, and always answers the phone on the first ring??

Actually, NO, I wouldn’t at all….

See where I am going with this??

Guys – women want us to be nice to them, but more importantly they want us to have our own LIVES. When, we shower and flatter them constantly, well that just shows them that they are VERY important to us – which might just scare the hell out of them.

Perhaps we need to rethink this word “nice” and frame it in the context of being attractive. OK?

An attractive guy is someone whose life is in balance, and is focused on an aim. In fact, each area of a guy’s life should be focused on an aim: his career; his health; his relationships; his hobbies etc. In fact, a guy who begins to realize on a deeper level his true nature might even feel a sense of harmony with all of these areas, creating the necessary “balance” of autonomy.

Now, don’t let me lose you here. I realize I am getting a bit heady, but just know that aiming towards a goal is something we truly need in each area of our lives.

The feeling many guys project is a sense of desperation, and a lack of a strong footing. Once a guy can arrange his lifestyle in such a way as to help harness his focus (and energy) the sense of desperation tends to wane. His relationships with women lose the desperate importance that they once had. Interestingly enough, he then is more attractive (READ: less desperate) to women.

Once a guy is centered in this place of, dare I say, personal power, he can then be truly nice to women. The former example is mere manipulation (actions designed to get someone to “like me”), and any woman with a head on her shoulders will smell you from ten miles away. So, stop seeking validation from women, and get your life in order. Once this happens, feel free to be as nice and considerate as you want.

I even tell some guys to STOP dating for some time while they get the rest of their lives in order. Only then is it fair to put yourself on the market. Until then, you will not attract a healthy mate to you, and will instead be looking for someone to fill a hole which they can not fill…that hole is your responsibility, not theirs…

So, just now, take a look at the following areas of your life:

Health
Career
Social/friendships
Family
Financial
Hobbies/Other

And score yourself from 1 to 10. We have a more sophisticated way of breaking this down with our clients, and in our seminars, but for now this should suffice. Based on your HONEST answers, where do you need to put some focus? How much time do you realistically need to meet some goals? Also, if you were to raise your level in each of these areas, would you attract someone different than you might be now?

I think that’s enough for now – and you thought you were going to hear a discourse on how to be nice. Trust me, each of you knows how to be nice, but what your missing is a self connected with a true source of masculine power. Until you reach that, you will settle across the board, for less than you deserve…

If you want to know more about these concepts, I cover them in massive detail in the How To Get A Girlfriend ebook and the Natural Attraction Audio Program. In fact, Natural Attraction goes to great pains to lead you through a series of exercises which will redirect each area of your life towards a more positive, authentic, goal. THIS is the real nature of attraction - being a MAN with a MISSION, not a CHUMP without an AIM.

Take care gentlemen.

SN

You spotted her in the park, you approached her, you have had a great conversation, and now you want to take it to the next level and ask her out.

Lots of guys get hung up at that crucial moment when you both have to leave the interaction and head back to your life. They don’t know what to say, so often they won’t say anything and just split!

How many times have I heard women exclaim, “Why didn’t he ask for my number? I would have given it to him in a heartbeat!!”

The best way to get her number is, of course, to ask her. If she is into you, it won’t matter how you ask her – she won’t care! However, if you want a solid script to use, which helps you feel prepared – here is the best one yet:

“I have to run, and so do you, but I would love to continue this some other time – what is your number?”

That’s it guys!

You graciously tell her that you have to leave, and you let her know that you also realize that she has to go too. Then, you set it up as a continuation of what has already been started. People are less likely to feel uncomfortable continuing something (unless she doesn’t feel comfortable around you) than they are having to start something completely anew.

If you don’t get her number with this script, something is wrong with your presentation or conversational skills. Or, maybe she’s just having a bad day…

SN.

In my ebook “How To Get A Girlfriend” and “Natural Attraction” Audio Program, I talk a lot about owning your own power. When you begin to live a life of purpose and power, the old behaviors you used to think were “needy” now become “attractive”. It’s less about the behavior, and more about YOU - your vibe, and how you ARE with women.

So, when it comes to romance, most guys who are insecure get nervous and queezy just at the site of the word. In reality, these are the guys who need help the most.

Romance is hard because it forces us to open and be vulnerable. Yet, if done from a powerful, authentic place, it can be extraordinarily attractive.

Most guys watch a cheesy movie, and cringe at the site of red flowers, or a guy proposing down on one knee. But, in the mind and heart of a woman, this kind of action can melt her causing her to want you more than a box of chocolates.

Before we continue, realize that all women want to feel special. They want to feel like you acknowledge her as the one and only. And, if you really loved a woman, in your heart of hearts, you certainly DO feel this way. As guys though, we struggle to express this.

Men like to live in the heads, and women like to live in their hearts. Neither is “better” than the other, but this simple difference is the reason there is so much confusion and poor communication between the sexes.

So, if you want to win a woman’s heart guys, you’ll have to show her yours. Here are some ideas to help us get over the hump.

1) Avoid the Obvious: Trust me, if you give your lady flowers, she probably isn’t going to toss them in the trash. But, if you use your imagination and creativity a bit, you can come up with something a bit more personal. The old adage “it’s the thought that counts” really applies here. If you give her something that proves you understand her, and that you listen to her, you’ll score major points. So, think about who she is and what she likes. I had a friend whose girlfriend enjoyed live music, so he spent $20 and downloaded a live concert from her favorite band onto her iPod. She was totally thrilled, and felt appreciated because he had paid attention to her tastes in music.

2) Spend Less, not More: If your woman wants to see the price tag for your efforts, tell her to hit the pavement. Seriously. The days of guys wooing women with their dough is long gone. I always advise guys to spend less $, and force yourself to be creative and think outside of the box. Preparing a home-cooked meal is WAY better than taking her out to the nearest restaurant. A relative of mine recently compiled the many photos of he and his girlfriend together, and converted them into a calendar to hang in her apartment. These ideas cost little to NO money. Far more impressive, and romantic to pay attention, and not cash.

3) Open Up and Tell Her: So many of us in relationships forget how lucky we are to be connected so intimately with another person. How often do you simply reveal your true feelings? If you resist this, that’s fine – but do it anyway. You don’t have to grovel and weep. Nor do you have to be a wimp and sheepishly tell her how much you need her. What is needed is just a simple, elegant, gesture. For example, I recently phoned my girlfriend and simply said, “I wanted to call you, I was thinking of you and wondered how your day was”. You better believe I got a positive response, and it totally made her day.

The thing to remember here guys is that women want to feel special. They don’t need to see tons of cash from you to verify that you like them. In fact, simply telling her that is WAY more powerful. The way men can become better at communicating with women is by opening up, and speaking more directly about how we feel. This doesn’t mean turning into a freaked-out new-age “feelings” guy. She definitely doesn’t want that either. But mix this in some, and do so regularly, and she will feel more connected to you. You will see and feel the difference, making YOUR life better in the process.

Enjoy!

SN.

PS - a hearty NYC welcome to Donovan, from The Attraction Chronicles. Look forward to meeting you soon.

For those of you living in, or coming to, New York - the following link will take you to a listing of the events (FREE) to be held at Central Park’s Summerstage. These make for great date ideas. I’ve looked over the listing, and many of the acts look great. Click here!

SN.

If you type “How To Get A Girlfriend” into google, the first hit is a page on ehow.com - understandable that a large/blanket site would get the most attention. Nonetheless, this is by far the WORST advice I have ever read in my life on dating and relationships. The link is below:

http://www.ehow.com/how_9816_girlfriend.html

Please post any comments you have, as I am interested in what people might think of this. Also, I have a client in town tomorrow, and we’re off to hit the streets of NYC. I am going to start posting here some questions that typically come up in my work, and pass along what we uncover.

SN.

I was working with a client over Memorial Day weekend, and he had a common issue that I wanted to address this morning.

Here was his question, and do you relate?

How Can I Tell if She is Ready To Be Kissed?

Each of you has had this question flash through your brains at least ten times in your life. It usually happens when you’re on that first date, it’s gone well, and there is a mutual attraction. Maybe a couple of hours into the evening, there is a pause….

Is she ready now?

In my experience, this usually means she IS. At that moment, there is something chemical that sparks between you. It is probable that she feels it too, and that the window is open. But, it can close…

The average guy usually hesitates, questions, analyzes, mentates and overall doubts the validity of the fact that she is READY. This is merely an example of instincts in collision.

On the one hand, we have desire….wanting to kiss her.

And on the other, we have fear….but what if she rejects me?

There you have it – man’s war with himself in a nutshell. He likes her, and desires her yet fears the ego-smashing that could accompany a rejection. Thus, we hesitate.

A third factor here which is the most important one, and which is usually (if not always) overlooked is INSTINCT.

Us guys have to learn to trust our instincts. Here’s my hypothesis:

The idea of “is she ready to be kissed?” would never flash through your brain if she wasn’t already subtly signaling to you that she IS!!

So, the challenge is to trust yourself enough and go for it.

Truth be told, women are attracted to guys who have this attitude. Hesitation, doubt and insecurity are NOT attractive.

Also, if she is not ready, and you have misread the situation, so what?? So, you lean in and go for the kiss and she leans away…big deal!

If you can roll with it by laughing it off, she will gain attraction for you – that’s right, by being bold, your value increases in her eyes! So, the next time you go to kiss her, do it with confidence, and chances are, she’ll be ready this time.

And, if she isn’t, you may be learning that she gives off mixed signals, or that the two of you may not have any chemistry – good things to know don’t you think?

Plus, if a few of these moments pass without any moves by you, she will begin to wonder if you are really into her, and she might become less attracted to you because you are so indecisive and safe. This is how the window can close, and why it is important to go for it.

So, the “rule” I want to establish with each of you is this:

If you wonder if she is ready to be kissed, find out for real, and go for it. Look her in the eye, a bit longer than usual, and move to kiss her. I bet you’ll be nicely surprised when she reciprocates, and if she doesn’t…you just learned something valuable about her, while enjoying the thrill of being alive and taking a confident risk.

You have nothing to lose.

Welcome to summer…

SN.

“Let’s meet for coffee”, you say. “Sure, sounds great”, says she. “See you at 8pm”, you say. “Great, see you then”, says she.

You hang up feeling elated at having confirmed a date with this gorgeous, fascinating woman. You will take her out for coffee, hoping that the conversation will be terrific. You hope this leads to a solid connection and the ever-challenging, second date.

Why are you already behind the 8 ball? Why are you already in the corner?

Why are you following the rules, ‘hoping’ rather than ‘leading’?

Listen, taking a girl for coffee is a nice thing to do. Any decent, intelligent girl would think nice thoughts about you. But, how far has ‘nice’ gotten you in the past?

Ask yourself this question:

�Why do I play by the rules? Why don�t I use my imagination, and God-given creative instincts, to create an interesting evening?�

If you answered correctly, you said:

�Because I haven�t a clue how to do that!�

Precisely�

This article is intended to give you, on a silver platter no less, this very clue. In fact, there are a few. Here goes:

1) Break the rules. Why just take her to coffee, when, if you use your imagination, virtually anything becomes a possibility. Think of the date as being a way to present yourself to her. Want her to think you are ordinary, and uncreative? Or, would you rather her see you as someone exciting and original?

2) Dress Casual-Cool. Don�t make the first date super-formal. A client of ours recently took a woman to a costume ball on a first date. They were both stiff as boards the entire evening. Instead, make the event relaxed and fun, and dress slightly above the atmosphere. So, if you take her to the downtown music scene, for example, wear a smooth blazer with a t-shirt, and some casual slacks. You set yourself apart from the crowd, and look a bit cooler than the rest of the t-shirts and jeans in your midst.

3) Don�t Wait for the Kiss. Most guys wait for the end of the evening to kiss her. In fact, most women expect this awkward moment. Instead, maybe an hour or so into the date, create an opportunity to kiss her. Structure a romantic moment like a stroll along the river, or a relaxing tea on a park bench. Then, slow everything down, gently tease her hair while you chat, and go for the kiss. She will be impressed with your spontaneity, and will feel grateful not to dread any awkward moments at the end of the night. In fact, a kiss then, will be automatic.

4) Bring Her into Your World. Most guys see a first date as time to �impress her� or �make her like me�. Blah! Instead, why not approach it as time to �show her who I am and what I am about� as well as an opportunity to �see if we connect�. Why should you have to impress her? In fact, your attempts at impressing her will likely make her uncomfortable. Social intelligence indicates that a first date is an �information gathering� session � no more, no less.

And last�

5) Breath Control. Usually guys have great breath as the date begins. But, as the date goes on, their mouths dry-up, which can lead to sour breath. On a first date, a kiss is unlikely at the very beginning, right? So, be sure your breath is solid throughout the night by both drinking plenty of water, and by bringing mints or another breath control device. Breath strips are great too. At a point in the evening, excuse yourself and head to the men�s room. Check your grooming, but also be sure to drop a mint or two, so you are ready and able when the moment arrives�

That�s it guys. Use these tried and true tips, and watch your first date lead to a second one in a flash. Remember, this is not your chance to impress her, but rather your opportunity to express yourself honestly and powerfully. If you have no clue how to do that, you are going to want to check out my ebook pronto. Seriously, it is THE essential primer for giving guys the maximum edge in dating, and in life.

Have an awesome Holiday weekend!

SN.

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