Ever feel like a woman is testing you?

For example, say she runs late three times in a row when meeting you. And when I say late, I mean over 10 minutes. If someone arrives to a date, and is less than 10 minutes late, no big deal. If it is more than 10 minutes…I take note.

So, she is late three times in a row, what do you do?

Most guys don’t say a word, fearing upsetting her, and losing her “highly valuable” affection. Why guys value someone who disrespects them over and over is a chronic problem - something I am out to remedy.

What is really happening here is - she is testing you. She wants to see, subconsciously, how you are going to react. She wants you to prove to her that you are secure and confident enough to take the lead and set your boundary.

Women feel a level of insecurity that they wish men to satisfy. Healthy women feel a small amount of this. Unhealthy women feel a larger amount of this. If she tests you a time or two, no problem. If it continues, walk away - she needs help, and it’s a kind of help you can’t provide.

Biologically, testing is necessary. She is screening you to see if you are “man enough”, so to speak to help her feel secure - in other words, do you have real integrity? In our products we cover this at length, as it is a cornerstone to having mastery with dating and relationships.

The key is to handle tests like a gentleman, while delivering a clear message that her lateness is unacceptable. Here is EXACTLY how I handled such a situation recently. I hope it helps you out.

I was awaiting her arrival at the cinema. At 10 minutes past, I got in line for the tickets and purchased my ticket while being sure that I could return it if necessary. At 20 minutes past, I crossed the street and sat in a cafe, and started making some calls (other women, of course, on the list - I was a bachelor at the time). She phoned at 25 past, and was out in front of the cinema. Here was our conversation:

She: “I am so sorry Stephen, I got stuck at work late. I am here, where are you?”
Me: “I am across the street in the cafe, just doing a little work”
She: “Oh, OK, I will be right over”
Me: “Be sure to get your ticket, I have mine - I was afraid they would sell out, and not knowing if you were going to make it, I only purchased one. Go ahead and get your ticket, and I will meet you over there in 5 minutes, gotta pay my bill”
She: “Ok, see you in a minute - again, sorry I was late”

See what I did here? Instead of changing the slightest bit of my schedule, I went forward without her. The plan had been to meet at the cinema, and then go for coffee. So, that’s what I did. Also, because she was late, she now had to furnish her own ticket (this being the third time she was late, I was definitely not paying for anything). I did all of this without getting angry at all, or having to say a word.

And, guess what…she was never late again. Once you make the wallet pay for the lateness, it seems to stop. I eventually lost interest in her, and her lateness was a major contributor.

I advocate action over words anytime. Why say something if you can indicate it with behavior? If you can tell her that her lateness is unacceptable by simply behaving with self-respect (continuing my evening with or without her) this is much more powerful than:

“Uh, you know, when you’re late, it really upsets me. I feel hurt and slighted”

This may be true, but it is not a MASCULINE solution to the problem. The masculine solution is to be kind, yes, but to also be autonomous.

So, if she is late, when she arrives you have taken a call and have to make her wait a few moments before you can see her. I have even been known to make/take a fake phone call. Feel free to throw in something like, “It is 5:20pm now, let’s talk in a few hours OK?” This shows her that you have carried on with her business. Making her stand around for a moment or two, feeling the discomfort caused by her lateness, that works way better than you standing there like the headmaster checking his watch, cool?

In conclusion, the best way to handle tests from women is to simply sidestep them, they are a small bump along the road of your life. Keep living, make her catch up. If she continually tests you, then you better get stern with her and say something like:

“Let me be honest with you. I like you - OK? But, when you are late, which happens often, I lose attraction for you. Being reliable is high on my list, and I really want this to work out. I tend to lose interest though when issues like this continually surface.”

By telling her that you lose attraction for her (which is true, right guys?), the stakes become very high suddenly. Women pride themselves on being attractive to men, and if her behavior is causing that to diminish…well then, you’ve just found the sweet spot.

Ultimately, we are all seeking healthy, positive, and productive relationships with people. If someone continually disrespects us by being late, or by behaving immaturely, we have to step back and ask - why am I involved with her in the first place? And, an even better question…why am I even still attracted to her?

Feel free to walk away, my friend. There are single women everywhere who will treat you with respect and who will be on time to see you.

Try this out in real life, and send me any questions or experiences you may have with it. What you experience and discover can be of benefit to us all.

Thanks a lot guys and wishing you well as always,

SN.

In truth, if you meet a woman who is really right for you, connecting with her will be no problem. So much of what is espoused in “The Game” are tactics/techniques to unnaturally create something which, under mentally healthy conditions, happens naturally.

In many instances however, men are devolved socially and need to understand the skill that can assist in them presenting themselves in the best light on a date, or in any social situation. Most men make subtle mistakes which repel women, and if reversed can dramatically alter their dating and social lives in a positive way. So, the question goes to you - are you here to empower yourself with actual skill that can help lead you to the right woman? Or, are you here for a bag of tricks in hopes of a quick and easy solution to is, what I guess, a very large emotional problem?

I do feel there is some (minimal) value in “The Game” and the techniques it displays. The community is largely a noise-filled factory of distractions away from the fact that most of the guys have close to zero really going for them so they manufacture countless ways to perform at being cool and interesting rather than really investing in themselves and becoming naturally cool and interesting. The purpose of CEIC is to help men do just that - evolve as men, not devolve into an assortment of shells of others, who are just as clueless as you…I assure you…

I undertook the task then of uncovering 10 actually useful skills from “The Game” and continue that series here.

The fifth skill I want to cover is “connecting”. There are some things that you can do which will assist you and her (or anyone) in coming together. Now, this doesn’t mean that the two of you will then decide that you are more or less interested in the other - not at all. These are simply ways to help you SEE if there is any chemistry.

1) LISTEN - this should be obvious. One huge complaint that women have about men is our inability to really listen. We’d rather hear ourselves think, than listen to her talk. When I work with guys one-on-one I always do a brief, but startling listening exercise with them. This is where I make a statement, then the client paraphrases the statement back to me, then adds his own experience or relationship to that topic. I then do the same in reverse. We do this a few times back and forth, and it is ALWAYS the case that the guy cannot believe how hard it is to REALLY listen to the statement. He will most often repeat back to me verbatim what he heard (proving that he did not actually listen and RELATE to the comment) or he simply talks about himself with no reference to what I said. The dating idea here is to ALLOW HER TO FEEL HEARD. You have no idea how important this is. If she feels heard, her mood often dramatically changes, she is likely to be more open and, consequently, more interested in you. You get what you give, in other words. People want to be heard, and are more likely to want to be with you if they feel that you really listen to them…

2) RELATE COMMON EXPERIENCES - Pretty simple, people are more likely to stay together if they have more in common. If you like to water-ski, and she likes to water-ski, then you have something in common which positively influences the connection. So, when dating, your goal is to discover whether these naturally exist or not. My tip to guys is to lead your portion of the conversation into the topics that interest you, and see if she is able to relate to them. Ideally the conversation should be balanced 50/50 - but you want to be sure to bring up the values and topics which interest you and receive her response.

Here’s an example. I have a friend who is a staunch democrat, and simply cannot date a republican. So, one of the first things he does on a first date is to mention that his father was an elected official in CA and that he is a democrat. He does this in a way which fits into the conversation, and it always gives him the feedback he needs. This is perhaps extreme, but the best way to find out something about another person is to talk about that particular topic yourself. Simply lead the discussion into that topic, and see what happens. If it is really important, you can always ask her…”so which side of the spectrum do you fall-in?” (might be his question)

3) SHARED EXPERIENCES IN REAL-TIME - what brings people together more than doing fun/adventurous things TOGETHER? Absolutely nothing. The entire purpose of Outward Bound is based on this theory. There are countless courses out there teaching employees to come together via team-building exercises, which are simply common tasks that they must complete together.

Recently, I grabbed a host of friends and we went to Coney Island here in New York. We rode all of the rides together (The Cyclone - 4 times for example), and the result at the end of the day, was a very sincere feeling of being connected, and of feeling our community strengthen. When dating, we can apply the same idea - now, you may not take a woman on a first date to Coney Island, but you might make it somewhat interesting and adventurous. Instead of doing the normal thing like coffee, try something completely outside of the box. Re-read my notes on the perfect first date in Chelsea, NYC as a classic example. In this case, we have a venue which is totally unique, requires a exploration, and is totally adventurous - you never know what is going to happen. Think this is a bit more interesting and fun than your local Starbucks??

So, I challenge each of you to find the interesting spots in your community - they are definitely there, but just require you to discover them…plus, if you take a woman to an interesting, adventurous spot, you not only help strengthen the connection, but you are also not going to be categorized as just an average guy.

So, that concludes this essay on connecting. Again, if you have nothing in common you can do all of the right things and never have a real connection. It is not possible to manipulate or manufacture something which is not naturally there - these skills are designed to help you discover if there really potential for a connection between you and her. If there isn’t, you will know quickly and not waste hers or your time.

Ultimately, if both you and she are really attracted to each other, and feel the initial spark of chemistry, you’ll have no problem connecting with each other… as both of you will do everything possible to spend time together, will be open to the others’ advances, and will forgive things in each other that, if seen in another, would be cause to cancel.

Really guys - if you have to work really hard at connecting with someone, then there wasn’t a real connection there in the first place. If you have to jump through hoops to attract someone, it wasn’t REALLY there in the first place…”Working it” implies that it is not naturally there, and that you should move on.

Stephen

The differences between men and women are rarely more apparent then when it comes to shopping for clothing. Women relish in the experience while guys can’t wait for it to end. The whole process of trying on sizes, picking colors, and walking around the store is detested by most men. Usually they will buy on impulse, to hasten their exit from the store. The result is a poorly assembled wardrobe.

Ten years ago guys didn’t have any other option than to go thru the process described above. Luckily, this isn’t the case today. With the internet, there are MANY options for every level of shopper; whether they are looking for bargains, luxury items, or luxury items for a bargain.

The sole caveat to shopping on the internet is that you need to know your size. Most sites that sell clothing have detailed sizing charts you can use to see if a particular item will fit. To best know your size, go to a local tailor shop and have them measure you. Be thorough; the most important is your chest, waist, hips, arms, neck, and inseam. You can later match these up to the size scales on the web.

Almost every label you can buy at the mall or in a department store is now online. J. Crew, Banana Republic, L.L. Bean, Ralph Lauren and Nike are all easily available on their own websites. Each has a liberal return policy also, so no need to worry about getting stuck with items that don’t fit.

Otherwise, the internet is great for getting luxury apparel at bargain basement prices. Do a search on eBay for Kiton or Borrelli and find these $4,000 suits selling for only a quarter of the price. Likewise www.yoox.com and www.bluefly.com offer up to 80% off on designer sportswear, as well as tailored clothing. You can even get custom shirts done cheap at www.bestcustomshirt.com or www.landsend.com. There are limitless opportunities for great deals online.

The best thing about shopping on the internet is that you don’t even have to leave your house or office. You can double your wardrobe for a fraction of the money and time. Needless to say, you’ll probably end up look more stylish than ever without having the hassle of traditional shopping…

CEIC.

Most guys watch a cheesy movie, and cringe at the site of red flowers, or a guy proposing down on one knee. I’ll admit, I am one of them. But, in the mind and heart of a woman, this kind of action can melt her causing her to want you more than a box of chocolates.

Before we continue, realize that all women want to feel special. They want to feel like you acknowledge her as the one and only. And, if you really loved a woman, in your heart of hearts, you certainly DO feel this way. As guys though, we struggle to express this.

Men like to live in the heads, and women like to live in their hearts. Neither is “better” than the other, but this simple difference is the reason there is so much confusion and poor communication between the sexes.

So, if you want to win a woman’s heart guys, you’ll have to show her yours. Here are some ideas to help us get over the hump.

1) Avoid the Obvious: Trust me, if you give your lady flowers, she probably isn’t going to toss them in the trash. But, if you use your imagination and creativity a bit, you can come up with something a bit more personal. The old adage “it’s the thought that counts” really applies here. If you give her something that proves you understand her, and that you listen to her, you’ll score major points. So, think about who she is and what she likes. I had a friend whose girlfriend enjoyed live music, so he spent $20 and downloaded a live concert from her favorite band onto her iPod. She was totally thrilled, and felt appreciated because he had paid attention to her tastes in music.

2) Spend Less, not More: If your woman wants to see the price tag for your efforts, tell her to hit the pavement. Seriously. The days of guys wooing women with their dough is long gone. I always advise guys to spend less $, and force yourself to be creative and think outside of the box. Preparing a home-cooked meal is WAY better than taking her out to the nearest restaurant. A relative of mine recently compiled the many photos of he and his girlfriend together, and converted them into a calendar to hang in her apartment. These ideas cost little to NO money. Far more impressive, and romantic to pay attention, and not cash.

3) Open Up and Tell Her: So many of us in relationships forget how lucky we are to be connected so intimately with another person. How often do you simply reveal your true feelings? If you resist this, that’s fine - but do it anyway. You don’t have to grovel and weep. Nor do you have to be a wimp and sheepishly tell her how much you need her. What is needed is just a simple, elegant, gesture. For example, I recently phoned my girlfriend and simply said, “I wanted to call you, I was thinking of you and wondered how your day was”. You better believe I got a positive response, and it totally made her day.

The thing to remember here guys is that women want to feel special. They don’t need to see tons of cash from you to verify that you like them. In fact, simply telling her that is WAY more powerful. The way men can become better at communicating with women is by opening up, and speaking more directly about how we feel. This doesn’t mean turning into a freaked-out new-age “feelings” guy. She definitely doesn’t want that either. But mix this in some, and do so regularly, and she will feel more connected to you. You will see and feel the difference, making YOUR life better in the process.

Ultimately, us men have to be smart about ATTRACTION and how to cultivate a lifestyle which fuels our self-esteem, and NATURALLY attracts women to us…those secrets are fully explained in the Natural Attraction Audio Program - 7 days to mastery over your dating life.

A very controversial article appeared recently at Forbes.com by a man named Michael Noer. It discusses the relationship between working women and marriage. He claims (via statistics) that marriages in which the woman is a professional, and earns over $30K per year, have a higher rate of failure than those who don’t. He doesn’t mince words either:

“Guys: A word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don’t marry a woman with a career. Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children, and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women–even those with a “feminist” outlook–are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner. “

This article is accompanied by a rebuttal by Noer’s colleague Elizabeth Corcoran. Her writing is pretty interesting, and here is her (IMO) best moment:

“Girlfriends: A word of advice. Ask your man the following question: When was the last time you learned something useful, either at home or work? If the last new skill your guy learned was how to tie his shoes in the second grade, dump him. If he can pick up new ideas faster than your puppy, you’ve got a winner. “

In truth, they are BOTH right. What these competing articles highlight is the forces at play in a relationship/marriage which pose significant challenges to both the man and the woman. What I find MOST interesting is that both sides are totally unwilling to look at what THEY can do, as individuals, to HELP the cause. In other words, they engage in a stimulating war of words without the self-reflection necessary to actually lower the stats of divorce rates, and failed relationships.

What does it take for each party then to face themselves and ask - “what do I have to do to get closer to my partner?” “What do I have to do as a man/woman to encourage this relationship?”…

As men, we have a LOT of work to do - some of it has to do with selecting a partner, some of it has to do with being autonomous, and some of it has to do with being flexible and embracing compromise. I’m not sure that Mr. Noer and Ms. Corcoran would make good bedfellows as they are clearly skilled at the art of finger-pointing far more than at the art of self-reflection…

The topic at hand here at CEIC is how to develop myself as a man into someone who thrives in relationship, rather than being a prisoner. It’s about finding the right space between being a wimp and a jackass - being strong, yet flexible…that begins with embracing the principle of autonomy, and learning what - through dating - I am attracted to (and who is attracted to me) - then making a choice about a partner - one that empowers me, and her…

Here is a link to the articles - lined up nicely side-by-side.

http://www.forbes.com/home/2006/08/23/Marriage-Careers-Divorce_cx_mn_land.html

Comments?

I sort of discovered this skill by observing naturals in action. I noticed that they never really ask questions (unless they want to) and have what is often referred to as “the gift of gab”. What they do is quite simply TALK - they are telling someone, indirectly, who they are. They don’t, for example, haul out their resume and list all of the cool things they have done. Rather, they indicate them via their stories, comments and replies.

Baiting can be defined best by an example. Take a close look at the following dialogue and see if you can understand where I am baiting the woman.

ME: (touching her sweater) mmm…cashmere…love a warm sweater. Growing up in the mountains, I always had such warm clothes for the wintertime. Whenever I wear one now, it reminds me of my youth.

HER: Where did you go to school? What are you doing now?

OK, so I could go on forever with this scenario. Baiting is when you demonstrate your personality, inviting a question from her to you. So, you do not want to reveal an ENTIRE fact about your life. What you want to do is to HINT at it, thus, baiting a question from her. This helps guys get out of the traditional pattern of asking tons of questions of her, and gets her asking questions of you. This is a much more powerful dynamic that gets her chasing you.

As I mentioned, the basic rule of thumb is to bait her until she is asking you questions. THEN, feel free to ask questions of her. Understood?

Also, it is very important that you demonstrate your interest in her by asking questions and complimenting her. This should be done in the “connect” phase. It is critical that you let her know that you find her interesting, and worth getting to know further. But, only do this when she has indicated an interest in you by asking questions of you. When she does this, you know she is hooked. Why else would she ask you a question?

By baiting her, she is the one to shift the dynamic into the “getting to know you” stage of an interaction, rather than you. It is an essential skill to hooking her into the conversation. This technique empowers you out of the traditional question asking scenario, and into the more interesting dynamic of you leading by demonstrating your personality. You come across as more powerful, and less supplicative. Naturals do this all the time…

This is a VERY hard skill to master. I have really just touched the surface of it here. I cover it a lot in my private work with guys, and in the Cutting Edge Image Consulting product line. What you’ll want to learn over time is how to reveal the right things at the right time. But that takes experience. I challenge each of you to get out into the world, and TRY this skill of baiting with the people you naturally meet. The next woman you are introduced to, try simply indicating who you are via this social skill. You never want to directly brag to anyone about anything, but you can indicate things subtly which can then pique someone’s interest…this is the best way to build fascination and intrigue in my experience.

SN.

For those of you who don’t know - autonomy is a big part of being attractive to women. This is a life long process of discovery and mastery, one that I cover in great detail in my programs, one-on-one consultations, ebook How To Get A Girlfriend, and Natural Attraction Audio Program.

There is a fine group of young guys here in NYC who are devoted to helping each other with their various and sundry challenges with women - if you’re interested in knowing more about them, click here. Nonetheless, below is a post I made some time ago around this idea of using gimmicks and lines to meet women…hope you find it useful:

****

Wanted to clarify for the sake of discussion and would love to hear what others think about this notion of autonomy or real value.

The only question that really matters is, what do you want?

If you want to be a “pick-up artist” then devote time and energy to learning routines, gimmicks etc so that you can simulate being a cool, interesting guy. Through this process, you will learn some social skills and you might get laid a lot (might not too). Some of this depends upon how good of an actor you are, and what sort of level of man you are when you begin. Historically, guys tend to remain at the same level - or demonstrate the same vibe - when they become PUAs, or focus on learning external demonstrations of personality, value and autonomy. There is nothing wrong with this, as it is often necessary for a guy in his own evolution, to try to get laid a lot - some are successful and some are not…the gamble here though is high. By learning these external demonstrations, with a bit of performance savvy, one can “pretend” to be someone else. The issue is that we can illicit responses from others that were internally unprepared for - this can be damaging in the long-run.

If you want to be successful with women, leading to having a girlfriend and other healthy relationships, it becomes important to focus on the primary relationship in our life FIRST - the one with yourself. This is where/why I use the word autonomy. If you toss a needy guy a bunch of interesting things to say, you still have a needy guy…kind of a drag for most guys…So, how to really evolve and see others for who they are, and not as someone who will “complete me” and finally “make me happy”…the answer is - autonomy.

A guy who is autonomous naturally relates to others. In fact, there are no “skills” per se, but rather means of communicating and pursuing an aim. To learn how to be successful with women, it is necessary to dive into my life as fully as possible - with or without them. From there, a modicum of social skills will go miles - why? You won’t have to simulate, but rather simply relate to others.

What are the skills?

Engaging women (or people for that matter) in conversation
Flirting/Teasing
Baiting
Storytelling
Listening
Calibration
Escalation

Gimmicks/routines can help a bit with internalizing these - that’s why we teach some (but only the ones that are truly necessary) - but really they are learned via the process of living a life a bit closer to MYSELF. Women want to be led, and to feel secure by the presence of a man - if a guy is insecure and a “reactor” to his life…he’ll fall flat on his face with the best gimmicks in the world..

The third useful social skill from “The Game” that you should study and learn is storytelling. What I want to pass on is how to tell a story in a way that captures and leads the imagination, so that it brings her into your world…which is a nice place to be, right?

In the Natural Attraction program I cover this art down to the minutest detail – even leading you through an exercise which helps you understand and MASTER this. What follows though is an excerpt from my eBook, How To Get A Girlfriend where I discuss storytelling at length. I’ve stopped short of simply cutting and pasting the entire chapter as that would be too lengthy – but this covers the gist of it (I cut out examples and exercises - gotta pay for that). In my opinion, storytelling is the EASIEST skill to master. If a guy really struggles with it though, I always suggest taking an acting class – as that helps you understand the energy required to keep and hold someone’s attention.

So, here is a sample from my ebook “How To Get A Girlfriend” – where I cover storytelling:

***

Men who are naturally successful with women almost always have a sincere interest in life, and in living it to the fullest. We are going to talk at length about passion, and its relevance to being attractive in the final chapter, but I will touch on it here as it relates to storytelling. These “naturals” also seem to have a lot of activities going on, where they are able to test themselves, and grow as men. Their life is interesting. It brings a lot of fascination and intrigue all because they have an open mind, and choose to explore it.

One way that this serves to help them in their lives with women is that they have interesting stories to tell. Women (and all people) are captivated by a good story. The best storytellers always fill their words and tales with drama, humor, passion, intrigue and mystery. Next time you are at the beach, notice what kinds of books women are reading while they sunbathe. This summer, I seemed to see a lot of romance novels, as well as mystery and suspense novels. Women are most often led by their emotional center, and when they find something (or someone) who understands how to communicate with them in an emotional way, they get interested.

What might be some topics to focus on when considering what stories to tell while in the presence of women? Here’s a list:

- Pop Culture
- Spirituality
- Emotionally charged memories & experiences
- Travel
- Adventure
- Humorous stories from your life

These topics are great because they are entertaining, exciting, funny and generate positive emotions. Also, the more interested you already are in a certain topic the better. This helps you to be enthusiastic when telling your story, a necessary prerequisite for capturing someone’s attention. If you have a natural interest in one of the above topics, it makes sense for you to want to share stories from your life that reflect this interest.

So, what are some ways that we can develop this skill called storytelling?

1) Pay attention (see the world around you, and develop an eye/ear for a good story)
2) Learn to communicate via emotions (as opposed to logic)
3) Live passionately

Let’s spend a minute now with each of these topics.

Pay attention: People tend to sleep walk through their lives. Great poets seem to always highlight this when they discuss the smallest things, which most of us don’t see and appreciate. As you go through your life, pay attention to what you see. Recently, I saw a middle-aged man who was rather upset at a neighborhood kid. The kid had apparently just bumped the man’s shoulder while walking down the street. So, the man turned and started yelling at the kid. However, the man failed to realize that the kid was wearing headphones and couldn’t hear him. So, as he got louder and louder, the kid simply stood there, waiting for the light to change, without a care in the world. Those of us around the man noticed this, and couldn’t help but chuckle at his futility. This story illustrates a couple of things. First, this man wasn’t paying attention, and therefore made a fool of himself on the street. Second, this makes for a great story when communicating with women. Why? It is funny, it involves men behaving foolishly, and it is visual. A story that is visual is excellent because the listener can imagine the events in her mind bringing her closer to the reality of the event. When telling a story, remember to paint the picture for someone. Get them involved by creating clear images of what is happening. Great storytellers are comfortable using their body, facial expressions and voice to illuminate the story. This allows them to enter into that world, and have a similar experience of the story as you had when witnessing it. This strengthens the connection between the two of you, painting an attractive portrait of your world. Makes sense right?

Each day of your life is full of scenes, scenarios, and happenings that make for good stories. Also, many men forget that women like it when we make fun of ourselves. It communicates that you are secure with yourself. If you can tell a funny story which pokes fun at yourself, illustrates that you are human and are comfortable with that, you will get great reactions from women – TRUST ME.

I want to emphasize the importance of paying attention to what is happening around you. This can help you in all areas of your life, not just in relating to women. No one’s life is so boring, so lacking in humor, beauty and drama, as to prevent them from having any interesting stories to relate to others. Here is an appropriate mindset: you find your life interesting, and the world fascinates you; you, naturally, wish to convey this to others as you are a very social guy; you want others to come into your world so you invite them in with a story.

Learn emotional communication: If women could hit us all over the heads, and in a flash change one thing about men, it would be that we are not in touch with our emotions. In order to communicate emotionally, we first must be in contact with our own emotional lives. This means being open to how we are feeling, each and every moment. (Check out David Deida’s “Blue Truth” for more on this)

Emotional communication is where you speak in a way that creates emotions in the listener. The way to do this as a storyteller is to invite the senses and emotions into the story. This means to recreate the images that you observed, and sounds and smells you experienced, and anything you physically felt as a result of the experience. You must do this with your words, conveying these words with feeling and emotion.

Men tend to be stoic, stiff, logical people, governed more by their intellect while women tend to be more emotional, centered in their feelings. The “natural” is not stiff; he is relaxed and unafraid to convey emotions. He relates a story from his life with real feeling and he sympathizes with women intuitively. At the same time he offers them strength and challenges them to face things in a more balanced way. He is unafraid to give himself to something with a great deal of passion. The next time you go to a bar, or club, or somewhere where people are socializing, notice the men who have women with them. Are they the stiff, nervous-looking guys who are mostly silent and appear as a deer in headlights when face-to-face with a beautiful woman? Nope. Are they the relaxed, confident guys who are just having fun, joking around with people, sharing the moment and their life lightheartedly, without the appearance of being under a lot of pressure? Yes.

So, the first key to storytelling is to relax, and open up. Feel free to feel your way through an interaction with a woman. I encourage all men to be open to their emotional lives. Endeavor to see that you, along with many people, have rich emotional lives. When you are open emotionally, it allows you a great resource with which to relate and connect with others. This can help you get closer to other people (particularly women). This doesn’t require therapy, or analysis of any kind - unless you have severe challenges. Learn to laugh, and enjoy yourself; learn to have compassion for others; learn to sympathize; learn to challenge yourself and others to live fuller lives. See what I mean by this? This doesn’t mean to indulge in negative emotions (jealousy, fear, depression, anger etc). It does mean to be more social, more open, and more involved in the world around you.

Once you open up and begin to trust and listen to yourself, you will begin to notice many cues that were always there before, but that you were unaware of…why? You weren’t paying attention, that’s why.

This is an invaluable skill when storytelling because it adds a dimension to it that women strongly relate to – an emotional dimension.

Next week – skill #4 “Baiting”…it may take me a few days to write that one – it’s the granddaddy of them all, and it can only be found in my products and programs. Till then…

SN.

This article represents my PRECISE problem with the self-help industry and why most advice out there on dating (for men and women). Any tip, in my experience, which asks you to go into your head and attempt to rewire it with “think new empowering thoughts” without PRACTICAL suggestion and advice as to how to act yourself into right thinking (an old adage, which is VERY effective) is horribly misdirected and completely unhelpful. I just sicken at knowing that this foolish advice is being followed by men. I agree that raising one’s self esteem is critical to having success with women, but that cannot be attained by such ridiculous advice as is suggested here:

Link

If you want to raise your self-esteem you have to DO things which will raise it. Take John Goddard’s lead, and make a list of the things you MUST complete before the end of your life - and make it YOUR list, not his or the one’s your mommy wants you to do - but YOURS. Then, devote every waking minute to doing this…you’ll feel real self-esteem then, trust me.

My work is all about supplying both internal and external ways for a man to raise his self-esteem (his self-image) and empower him to greater and greater success with women and in life. This dopey guy in the article, has barely an iota of a clue as to what he is talking about. Without a balance of practical suggestion from an expert, and an equally effective approach to better self-suggestion and self-image, no real progress can be made.

That’s the end of my editorial…

Stephen

I wrote about this some time ago, and I have reposted the article below. But on Sunday I was talking with a friend of mine, and I realized that the phrase “Nice Guys Finish Last” is accurate, but misunderstood. What does it mean to be “nice” in this case? Normally, this is referring to wimpy, passive/aggressive, aimless guys who are at the mercy of life and who have to subtly manipulate women to get them to “like” them. So, when that guy offers to buy a woman a drink, or pays for a meal, or sends flowers, it grosses women out because she knows that he is trying to manipulate, or PAY FOR, her affection and interest. What she wants is a nice guy who owns his POWER.

My work is so much about teaching guys how to FIND and OWN their power so that when they are NICE it is real.

So much of what guys need is NOT the next best great line or gimmick etc., but is real understanding about masculinity, power and being attractive. Two concepts that are essential for men to get are: honesty and integrity. Women can sense when a guy has integrity (which means that he is able to be honest with himself and others), and this is the master flip of attraction. If she senses that you are manipulating her, the situation, or yourself, she loses interest.

If you live your life with mastery, she will intuitively know that you will handle her with mastery. The way a man lives is the way a man loves. Your relationship with your life is a DIRECT look into how you will relate to her….so, get a life then…then, and only then, will you get a girlfriend…

Here is the article, reposted here because it seems relevant on a Monday:

***

How To Be “Nice” and Attractive

We’ve all heard it…and, to a degree, it’s true…”nice guys finish last”.

Why is that? I mean, wouldn’t YOU be flattered with someone who buys you everything you want, arrives promptly on time, thinks of you day and night, and always answers the phone on the first ring??

Actually, NO, I wouldn’t at all….

See where I am going with this??

Guys – women want us to be nice to them, but more importantly they want us to have our own LIVES. When, we shower and flatter them constantly, well that just shows them that they are VERY important to us – which might scare the hell out of them.

Perhaps we need to rethink this word “nice” and frame it in the context of being attractive. OK?

An attractive guy is someone whose life is in balance, and is focused on an aim. In fact, each area of a guy’s life should be focused on an aim: his career; his health; his relationships; his hobbies etc. In fact, a guy who begins to realize on a deeper level his true nature might even feel a sense of harmony with all of these areas, creating the necessary “balance” of autonomy.

Now, don’t let me lose you here. I realize I am getting a bit heady, but just know that aiming towards a goal is something we truly need in each area of our lives.

The feeling most guys project is a sense of desperation, and a lack of a strong footing. Once a guy can arrange his lifestyle in such a way as to help harness his focus (and energy) the sense of desperation tends to wane. His relationships with women lose the importance that they once had. Interestingly enough, he then is more attractive (READ: less desperate) to women.

Once a guy is centered in this place of, dare I say, personal power, he can then be truly nice to women. The former example is mere manipulation, and any woman with a head on her shoulders will smell you from ten miles away. So, stop seeking validation from women, and get your life in order. Once this happens, feel free to be as nice and considerate as you want.

I even tell some guys to STOP dating for some time while they get the rest of their lives in order. Only then is it fair to put yourself on the market. Until then, you will not attract a healthy mate to you, and will instead be looking for someone to fill a hole which they can not fill…that hole is your responsibility, not theirs…

So, just now, take a look at the following areas of your life:

Health/Fitness
Career
Social/friendships
Family
Financial
Hobbies/Other
Spiritual

And score yourself from 1 to 10. We have a more sophisticated way of breaking this down with our clients, and in our seminars, but for now this should suffice. Based on your HONEST answers, where do you need to put some focus? How much time do you realistically need to meet some goals? Also, if you were to raise your level in each of these areas, would you attract someone different than you might be now?

I think that’s enough for now – and you thought you were going to hear a discourse on how to be nice. Trust me, each of you knows how to be nice, but what your missing is a self connected with a true source of masculine power. Until you reach that, you will settle across the board, for less than you deserve…

Take care gentlemen, and have a great week…an article on Skill #3 “Storytelling” will be posted in the next couple of days.

SN.

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