There you are, walking down the street, and you lock eyes with an attractive woman. You both hold this stare for as long as you possibly can. Then, you pass her, and after a few paces, glance back only to find she has done just the same thing. Your hear skips a beat, and you wonder, “should I talk to her?”
If you are like most people you keep walking, regretting that you didn’t take the obvious opportunity to go for it. Why is this? Why is it that we receive an OBVIOUS social signal from a person we are clearly attracted to, only to find ourselves walking away from a golden opportunity? Part of it is conditioning and part of it is fear. Fear, a most devastating force, trains us over time not to trust ourselves. If we did, we would know the door was wide open, and would walk up and start a conversation. Think about how many similar opportunities you have had, and with a simple change in your thought pattern, what kind of difference in your life would that mean?
If a girl gives you eye contact, and holds it for just a bit longer than is the custom, it means EXACTLY what it means when you do the same thing…she feels that jolt of attraction. She sees you, and feels her chemistry change in that moment. It is the magic of attraction - when you see each other, and something in you says “yes”. What usually happens is that we pass these open doors all the time. Sometimes it is not feasible to approach the girl. We might have a meeting, or might be running late to work. There are many viable reasons not to stop and talk. I think most of us intuitively know what this magic moment means, and we simply don’t trust ourselves to go for it. Nike said it best - Just Do It.
Another definite signal she is definitely into you is if she smiles at you. Sounds obvious - and it is obvious. She wouldn’t smile at you if she wasn’t attracted to something about you. I once knew a guy who was above average in attractiveness, who had smiles from women all day long…he thought they were “just being nice”. In fact, this is an opening to begin a conversation. It is a signal that her first impression of you is a good one, and that she would be interested in meeting you.
Let’s say you are in the office cafeteria, having lunch with some colleagues. You are chatting away, when someone at a nearby table catches your eye. You and she look at each other a bit longer than is normal in such a situation. You guys have all been there - you see her, she sees you, and there is a moment, albeit brief, where you really see each other. Your heart likely speeds up in that moment, your breath shortens, there is something electric about it. Both she and you decide to allow the other to notice that you are being checked out. This is a great signal that there is some initial attraction between you and a woman.
Another way to tell if a woman is into you initially is to notice her body language and behavior. If you see that she goes out of her way to pass your table, or office, or your location, so that you can check her out - that is a good sign. I recall once being at a restaurant with some friends of mine. I had made eye contact with a woman a few tables away. She kept getting up for one reason or another, and each time she would she would glance our way, and then parade by our table to reach her destination. A friend of mine pointed this out to me. I then made my introduction to her later in the night, and eventually dated this woman. Also, if a woman is in your vicinity, and she opens her body language to you by facing you, this also is a good sign that she is open to meeting you.
Imagine you are in a group of people, carrying on a conversation. When you speak, she faces you with her body. But, when someone else speaks, she turns her head to hear them, but her body still faces you. This indicates that she is more interested in talking with you than with anyone else in the group.
Also, pay attention to your body language in social situations. When you see someone that you find attractive, don’t you subtly open your body to them? What we are doing is signaling the other person, subconsciously, that we are interested in having a conversation with them.
These subtle cues occur within social settings constantly. If you can recognize them, you will begin to see that women are communicating with men via their behavior and body language all the time. These are signs that, initially, she feels some attraction for you. By noticing these, you will feel a greater amount of confidence when making your introductions later.
One last point on these initial signs: if you notice a woman, and she does not signal you in any of the above ways, it might simply mean that she is preoccupied or that she simply hasn’t noticed you. In any event, go ahead and make your approach, what do you have to lose? There are no hard and fast rules here as that would be way too easy, and therefore, unrealistic. Go for it anyway. With some good conversational skills and a solid personal style, your first impression will be great anyway. Your chances are then very good for entering into a positive interaction with the woman you have approached.
Here is a list of twenty-five ways women signal initial interest to us:
1) Repeatedly glances at you from across the room
2) Walks by your location, going out of her way to be noticed by you
3) Smiles at you
4) Positions herself so that her body is open to you, wanting you to see her
5) In a tight environment (say, by the bar or on the subway), will subtly, and purposely, bump you to get your attention and prompt an “excuse me”
6) Stands close to you, subtly encroaching on your personal space
7) Repeats herself, and talks about boring things to keep the conversation going
8) Asks you personal questions
9) Ignores her friends or cellphone to keep talking with you
10) Touches you in any way while speaking with you
11) Compliments you
12) Talks about you in any way to other people
13) Introduces you to her friends
14) Flirts with you
15) She asks you her name early in the conversation
16) Brags about something in her life, trying to impress you
17) Laughs at things you say
18) Talks for a longer than normal amount of time
19) She fills in awkward pauses
20) She agrees to spend time alone with you; even a small side conversation at a party, bar, or other social setting
21) Asks if you are single
22) Fixes her hair, clothes, makeup, etc
23) Plays with her hair while talking with you
24) Agrees with everything you say
25) Has that “doggy dinner bowl” look - her eyes glaze over and her lower lip pouts. This one’s a biggie!
You don’t have to witness all of these to know if she is into you or not. As few as one or two may all you get. That is why it is important to pay attention to her behavior, as well as what she says.
Ever wonder what makes certain guys attractive in the eyes of women? Ever been curious if this is possible for you?
It is one thing to generate attraction in a woman with lines and gimmicks. It is quite another to understand how to be an attractive man. Master this, and you guarantee long-term success with women.
So many guys who come to us for advice with women and dating all say the same things:
“I want to have choice with women”
“I am sick and tired of being alone”
“I can get women, just not the ones I want”
“I feel empty when I don’t have a girl with me”
“I am just unhappy, and I figure if I could get a girlfriend, that would fix it”
These are all valid and very common things for a guy who struggles with women to say. However, there is one big thing that most of these guys lack, and that is simply - they don’t know what they want.
I know, you are probably saying (maybe even aloud at the computer screen) - “I know what I want, I just told you that I want a girlfriend!”
The key to knowing what you want, is to start with yourself. Nothing outside of you is going to complete you!
Let me be honest with you, when I first got involved in learning the very valuable material which exists for meeting women, I really wanted to just be able to go out on any given night, and get laid. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, and I got to be incredibly good at it.
The problem is, it didn’t fix the problem. I still felt a great deal of emptiness, and secretly knew that I wasn’t really meeting the potential I knew I had.
It was a “game” for sure, but I was only barely playing it, and nowhere close to the end zone.
What became clear to me was that I really didn’t know what I wanted.
I needed to understand both what kind of dating lifestyle I wanted, and then, what kind of woman (or women) I saw participating in this lifestyle with me.
So, right now, ask yourself…what dating lifestyle are you looking for? What do you want out of your relationships with women?
Do I want to get laid tonight.
Do I want the power of choice in meeting women.
Do I want to meet really hot women whenever I want.
Do I want to find a girlfriend that I can settle down with, and fall in love (gasp).
Do I want to get married.
Do I want ALL OF THESE!
What is it guys? Any of these are viable choices. The one thing that is indisputable, from which there is no escape, is that you have to start with you first.
Now that you know what lifestyle you want to build, lets see what kind of woman will fit into this lifestyle. Again, power comes from knowing what you want. So, let’s be specific about the kind of woman you see yourself with.
As an exercise, take out a pen and paper and list the aspects that you desire in a woman. Then, write down the aspects that you definitely do NOT desire - a list of what turns you off.
From this, you now have a much stronger sense of what lifestyle you desire, and then, the kind of women you want to be a part of this lifestyle. This exercise always yields incredible results, as you now have actual information to drive you forward.
You have to know what you want before you can choose who you wish to be with.
I hope this helps you gain clarity. Also, as a caveat, it is important that you first be honest with yourself about what you are seeking. It is also important that you be honest with the women you become involved with. Nothing leads to bad karma like masquerading as husband material when all you are looking for is sex.
Be honest with yourself and with others, and you’ll get what you want. You can count on that.
I tend to meet with client once per week these days, and a very common theme has emerged. Many of them emerge from working various programs, attending various workshops, reading every book known to man, only to be more frustrated and downtrodden because it doesn’t seem to work out for them.
The carrot can’t be caught in other words…
Not to entirely frustrate you, but usually guys who are good at the ‘game’ were good at it already…or pretty good at it already…the only brain which thinks a bunch of lines and gimmicks are going to work is the same brain that led you to be frustrated, lonely, and socially awkward in the first place. Let me repeat that:
“the only brain which thinks a bunch of lines and gimmicks are going to work is the same brain that led you to be frustrated, lonely, and socially awkward in the first place”
In other words, your diagnosis might be a bit off.
The community - whether it’s a competing company, a web-board, a lair..whatever - thrives on dangling a carrot out there in front of you claiming that your life will change in 13 seconds if you just buy this product…etc…
This methodology is certainly lucrative - just ask Tony Robbins - but it doesn’t usually translate into success. THERE IS NO QUICK FIX TO YOUR PROBLEM…and anyone who claims otherwise doesn’t deserve your attention, money, time, or bandwidth.
Most of what you read online is total BS by the way - the webboards which feature endless posts by supposed experts are normally 30% truth. I have watched so many guys doctor and change their posts to relay a much larger, and more glorified representation of the truth. HB6’s suddenly are HB9’s etc.
So, what follows is a reasonable expectation for you - something actually attainable - and not something designed to get you to purchase my products.
1) Begin - analyze your social life. How many friends do you have? How many are male and how many are female? How often do you see them? How often do you go out with a friend or a group of friends? How do you meet new women (if at all)? How do you make friends? If you have had a relationship, how did it happen? (In my experience, a guy tends to meet women the same way his entire life - so, if the last 9 girlfriends you had were met via another friend, my money is on the next one happening that way IN SPITE of how you feel about cold approaches).
2) Once you have written down some honest answers, give yourself SMALL goals to reach with a month’s time to reach them. So, if your social circle is 5 people - try to double it in a month’s time. Within a month, your circle has grown to 10…
3) If you don’t meet 5 new people on a weekly basis, your social life is not active enough. If that is the case, you need to branch out. Here are some ideas:
- classes
- events
- openings
- parties
- hobbies
- friends
- cold approach (notice how this is one of 7 ways…)
MOST couples come together via social circle - NOT THROUGH COLD APPROACHING - so, why waste your time trying to get good at that when you can easily get good at the others, meet TONS of new women (and make cool guy friends) and improve your lifestyle as a result?
Why put your life on hold just to get laid? Why not accelerate your life forward, and then get laid or even….meet someone for a relationship…
4) Lead your social circle - study all about John Goddard, make your list, get started and then invite everyone else to come along for the ride…LEAD in other words. Become the magnet to mission, purpose and excitement.
5) And by the way - what IS your mission or purpose in your life anyway?? Do you know? If not, now would be a good time to write a bit about that and start to get an idea…nothing as unattractive as a loose balloon being blown about by the wind…
6) Go to a tailor and get fitted for your sizes right away. Never buy clothing that doesn’t fit again.
7) Get in shape - go to the gym MINIMUM 3 times per week. And if you want to know…I swim…and love it…great for the mind, body, joints, you name it.
8) Clean your apartment - do it tonight. Wash the dishes when you’re done eating, and make your bed in the morning.
9) Go to the dentist, and have your teeth cleaned. Be sure to correct any bad breath issues you may have. You might be the nicest, coolest, most handsome guy in the world - and with bad breath, you’ll never see approaching lips…
10) Stop wasting your time doing things you like, and only go things you love…
Now remember, set reasonable expectations on your progress. Nothing worthwhile is going to happen in even a month. But a year from now - and trust me, that is not long and is WAY shorter than the amount of time needed to get good at the cold approach - you can expect very significant progress and change, if you are diligent and disciplined.
If you want a girlfriend, and a healthy relationship - YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME DOING COLD APPROACHES. You must create a lifestyle and image which are attractive and healthy - you can’t have a healthy relationship with another until you have one with yourself - which means honoring your deepest wishes, and the precious time you have here on earth (this is first and foremost)! Stop wasting time…start really living, and watch as your entire framework for relating to women change.
And to finish the first paragraph - my job, as a reporter recently noted, is to rewire guys away from the community beliefs, into beliefs which actually serve and are rooted in REALITY…that’s what I do about once per week…not bad, but a shame that so many well-intentioned guys get such bad direction from other equally clueless guys…
Guys - this is an interesting clip that deals with how much you can change a face/image with photoshop et al - pretty amazing…featured on my new, favorite addiction - YouTube:
"The Red Queen" by Matt Ridley
"Way of the Superior Man" by David Deida
"The Game" by Neil Strauss
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