What is the first question a guy asks us before we take him out to meet women?

“What am I supposed to say on a date?”

Every guy we work with gets hung up on this issue. It is a good sign for a guy to ask this, because it indicates he realizes that what he usually says does not work.

We always give guys specific things to say, to get them warmed up, and to help them feel comfortable in approaching women.

However, relying upon these “lines” or “gimmicks” long-term forces guys to lock-in to mechanical behavior, shutting them down, and eventually turning them into social robots.

This prevents a real connection, and any hope of seeing the woman again. We view these as training wheels, and not something to use for the real ride.

What we teach guys are SKILLS, not “gimmicks”. There is a huge difference between “lines” and SKILL.

Feeling confident in one’s ability to flirt with women is the SKILL I want to briefly discuss with you here.

Flirting (or teasing) is simply the ability to have fun with yourself and with her while at the same time demonstrating that you are willing to make fun of her, tease her, and point out her quirks in a fun and playful way.

Flirting is the perfect way to maintain and continue a conversation with a woman. It is also a great way to hook her by revealing your sense of humor.

Some of flirting is purposely, consciously creating a negative emotion.

We call it – a light insult with a smile…

If you combine it with humor, this slight insult will come across as…flirting.

It shows her that you understand emotional communication, and are not going to be like the average guy who waltzes over and engages her with boring banter.

You are different, and know “the code” so to speak.

Ever wondered how to be on the “inside” when it comes to meeting and dating gorgeous women?

Well what we are discussing here is the key to surrounding yourself with hot women for you to choose from…

A guy who goes in and tries to shower her with positive emotions from the beginning with compliments and questions usually is seen as needy.

You want her to earn the good stuff, so you don’t give it away immediately. Once she earns, it, feel free to give it to her.

Until then, set the bar high, and flirt away.

OK – enough of this describing flirting…lets give you some real life examples.

That’s right – you can take these with you and use them today to be more successful with women… might want to keep this post hidden from your friends though!

Here are some field-tested examples:

All of those are solid gold – and I hand them to you on a silver platter in hopes that you will get a feel for flirting…

Remember, the idea is to nail down the skill, not just learn a bunch of lines that work for us virtually every time!!

Oh yeah – and here is what not to say:

“Let me buy you a drink”
“You are so gorgeous”
“You are so hot”
“Can I have your phone number?”

Avoid such comments, as the men who say these are instantly categorized as being the “creep” only interested in her body.

This is a lousy way to talk to a woman…amazing that most guys out there are doing just that!!

Do you see now what kind of advantage we are offering you?

Learn to demonstrate your personality in a way that engages her, and gets her guessing. If you can do that you will win big-time.

This communicates with her in an emotional way, rather than intellectually. This is more powerful.

Guys who are good at this never hear “let’s just be friends” from women.

Ever heard that before?

Me too…but no more…

Also, flirting demonstrates that you have a sense of humor. Often, when you are flirting, you are saying things that could be interpreted as negative.

This is why doing so with a sense of humor, and a smile, is critical.

With flirting, it is more important how you say something, rather than what you are actually saying.

That one was so important, I am going to say it again:

With flirting, it is more important how you say something, rather than what you are actually saying.

Most importantly, we teach SKILLS and provide exercises that help you learn these skills FAST. Sound good to you?

Until next time…wishing you the best.

Your friend,

Stephen

Wanted to give everyone a heads up that we’ve added a new feature to the site, which I am REALLY excited about. Just yesterday, my tech gurus uploaded a new DATING QUIZ FOR MEN - and I personally think they’ve done an outstanding job with it. It was written by me, and Mike some time ago. I would LOVE your feedback on it. Take a minute and go through the quiz, and post your comments here please - I’d be most grateful.

You will notice that we’ve added a new header to the site called “Dating Quiz”, which can take you to the quiz anytime. Forward along to your friends, and enjoy it. It’s designed to be both helpful and fun. I personally think some of the options are hysterical.

Hope you’re having an awesome weekend…

SN.

PS - If you would like to link to the quiz from your site, please let us know by filling in the contact form.

I read each and every post, and found them to be mostly very interesting. I appreciate people’s candor, and their willingness to give feedback. Feel free to always send me a note with feedback on things you find here, or just post it to the blog - as I WILL see that.

I really respect guys willingness to work on themselves in a way that actually involves courage. There is a real risk in entering real life, which is opposed to that impulse to create a fantasy world, like what The Game proposes. Becoming a real individual is a huge challenge, one that I share with each of you. That is precisely the point of CEIC - to assist men in their personal evolution (which is different for each of you) with a focus on dating and relationships. Enough said.

The winner is Carlo, and here again is his comment:

Okaaay, my story: I’m your usual nice guy, lots of friends, hard to get a romantic interest. I mean I’m soo nice even girls who were interested in me later saw me as just a friend. Yup, I’ve got enough looks and success with my career to get some initial interest but that’s about it.

Whether I win or not, more power to you.

So, congratulations Carlo! Please send me a note via the information request form at the bottom of this page and I will be happy to email you the book right away.

And to everyone else - THANKS again. Please continue to comment here, and I will respond as much as possible. And feel free to continue to send me questions for the mailbag…

Best wishes,

SN.

Unknown…for now…

I will announce the winner of the FREE copy of “How To Get A Girlfriend“ tomorrow morning (EST). So, if you’re crafting up the perfect reply to the challenge, you’d better post it tonight. 9am EDT tomorrow, I close the race.

I was pretty happy about an email I got from a subscriber to the newsletter:

Good luck…

SN.

Basically, I wanted to give guys valuable information in a express, no fluff format. The more intensive, two-day seminar will be held April 28-29th (more details later for that). However, as I know some of you might not understand the CEIC philosophy, and might not be willing to commit a full weekend, this mini-seminar gives you the skills and a head start.

Guys this isn’t a teaser or preview for my main seminar. “The Essentials” holds weight and the group will be small enough that it can be almost considered “coaching”. (I charge $750 for 6 hours of individualized coaching)

Spots always fill up at my events FAST, heaven knows how quick this one will. Last time my 100 seat seminar filled up in about a week, this only has (at time of me writing this) 36 spots left.

The cost is $25 per person, and space is HIGHLY LIMITED. I want you to bring a friend. The trick is, you have to let me know first. If you’re able to convince a friend to come with you, he’ll get in FREE, a 2 for 1 deal… this half-off offer EXPIRES FEB 14th (Valentine’s Day…) so be sure to sign-up with your friend by then to get the deal. Otherwise, it’s $25 per - not a bad deal for three hours of material that would normally cost you around $250 for a DVD set at some other pickup company.

What you need to know…

I’ve been consulting with clients, doing seminars, and releasing updated versions of my products for years. Perhaps you’ve purchased my ebook “How To Get A Girlfriend“, or attended one of my seminars, or even just an avid listener of my free weekly podcasts. Either way, I’d love to know what you think of my philosophy and real world teachings.

I’ve decided to “throw fuel on the fire” by giving one lucky commenter a copy of my life changing ebook “How To Get A Girlfriend“. “How To Get A Girlfriend” is packed with natural methods for empowering your self-esteem, generating attraction, connecting socially, and surrounding yourself with women that you want to be around.

It’s simple:

Just write a comment below on what you think about my blog, podcasts, and/or “Master Class Series” Emails.

Have you seen improvement yourself? What topics specifically would you like me to blog about? What products would you be interested in right now if they were available? What problems are you experiencing that you would like solutions to? Have you had any success stories from following what I’ve taught? Or even, how do you like the new site? It’s totally up to what you comment about (make it relevant).

Make sure you include a VALID email address, so I can contact you with your prize.

I’ll announce a winner in a few days,
Stephen

Not sure if guys who read this blog are aware that I also regularly record podcasts. Anyway, I recently did one where I discuss three easy steps to incorporate which will help you meet more women very naturally. I’ve said it many times, but experience tells me that if you’re looking for a girlfriend, you’d be wasting your time doing pick-up. If that sentence resonates with you, you’ll get a lot out of this podcast (and this entire site, frankly).

I am not at all about not meeting women - I just feel there is a SMART way to do it…spending years learning how to be a pick-up artist only lowers your attractiveness to women who are interested in healthy relationships….rendering you a bachelor, and with loads of other PUA’s around you…

Remember the old adage - how can you spot the pick-up artist? He’s the one hanging with all the GUYS.

Here is the link to the Cutting Edge podcast.

Have a damn happy weekend…

SN.

What does your body language say about you?

When you walk into a room, what do you think people “read” from your body language?

Try this out – the next time you are with people (perhaps you are right now?…), notice their body language, and see what impression they create on you.

Do they appear strong, confident, driven or motivated?

Or, do they seem meek, timid, confused, and/or LOST?

Can you see a parallel with these ideas and the ideas of being attractive vs. unattractive?? If not, let me spell it out for you…

Guys who have strong, confident body language are ATTRACTIVE

Guys who don’t, are UNATTRACTIVE

Go to a mirror and see for yourself – what kind of body language do you have?

Are your shoulders slouched, or are you upright? Do you walk with your head held high, or do you tend to look down?

I remember working with a client of ours a number of months ago. We were in a lounge area, and were enjoying some drinks before going out. I pointed out to him that his body language was pretty closed off – arms and legs crossed – signaling to others that he was not approachable, and was not interested in meeting anyone new.

He agreed to try a little experiment, and change his body language. I told him to uncross his legs, and, more importantly, to uncross his arms. He did, and commented that he felt “weird”.

A few minutes later, a stunning blonde approached us to ask “directions” to a club two blocks away…within minutes she, and her gorgeous Spanish friend, were sitting with us having a blast. Later on that evening, I asked Ms. Stunning Blonde why she asked us for directions. Her answer?

“You guys seemed so open. I also thought your friend was cute, so, you know, what the hell!”

What the hell…

The point of this article is not to convince you that having perfect body language forever ends your challenges with the opposite sex. What it IS intended to convey is the importance of body language and how other people, unconsciously, read it and form impressions about YOU.

If you want more confirmation of this, check out the body language of most of the hottest stars in Hollywood, like Tom Cruise, or Russell Crowe. See how they stand and carry themselves – with power, upright, always looking people directly in the eye.

Now imagine them with a slouch, head down, shifty-eyed….creepy isn’t it??

If you carry yourself with power, other people will assume that you OWN that power internally. If you look them in the eye when you speak, they will assume that you have something of VALUE to say!

Mastering your own body language is critical to your success with women. If you communicate to them that you are insecure, unconfident, and have low self-esteem you will see a LOT of ass….walking away from you.

Clear?

Our program “Natural Attraction” is designed to help you gain mastery of your inner self so that you naturally carry yourself with power and esteem.

We also cover the basics of body language and vocal tonality so that you have the MAXIMUM advantage in any/all social settings.

For now, just notice your body language in different situations – standing, seated, at the bar, on the bus etc. Try to find the most powerful posture you can assume. Isn’t it interesting how this subtle change can cause you to instantly feel stronger and more confident?

If you want to attract and date beautiful women, you need the maximum advantage don’t you? Wouldn’t you like your body language to work FOR you rather than AGAINST?

Check out what else our Natural Attraction product offers you by clicking this link. As you do so, check your posture RIGHT NOW – are you filled with confidence and direction?

Do this a few times per day. This will help you understand what you unconsciously broadcast to other people. Also, does your body language change when around attractive women?

It is first critical that you are aware of what your body language says about you, then it is up to you to take the necessary actions to fix it.

Hope that helps guys.

Stephen

What do you do when there is a very cool party, where there will be lots of women, but none of your friends want to go??

Do you stay home, and watch Saturday Night Live, regretting the missed opportunity tomorrow?

Or, maybe there is a great event, which promises to attract a lot of interesting people, yet your “running buddy” is out of town - what do you do?

If you are like most men, you stay home and sink into the internet. Or, you and your buddies might rent a video, and waste another opportunity to meet some cool people and expand your social circle.

What do I advise? Funny you should ask.

Go out alone.

That’s right - fly solo.

One lesson I drive home with my clients is the importance of “being your own man”. So, if your buddies are too lazy to get their asses of the sofa, why should you?

Do you LIKE sausage parties?

I didn’t think so - that is probably why you’re visiting my website.

One thing you must embrace is that changing your lifestyle will force you outside of your comfort zone.

If you want to get good at meeting women, and find happiness and fulfillment, you might have to push the envelope a bit - and step outside of the small comfortable box you call “my world”.

I always tell clients, when there is no other option, go out alone. Many respond with, “But everyone will notice that I am alone, projecting the image of ‘loser’”.

Let me clarify something right now - a “loser” is the guy who refuses to change, and prefers his lazy habits of failure to the challenge of seeking success.

That is an important idea, so I will repeat it:

A “loser” is the guy who refuses to change, and prefers his lazy habits of failure to the challenge of seeking success.

Besides, if you do go out alone, do you think everyone at the party/event will notice, or even care??

Let me answer that for you - they won’t.

Besides, if you follow the strategy I am about to give you, you will be fearless when by yourself because you will have a plan for meeting people, and joining their social circle.

Going out solo forces you to interact with new people. I have always had positive results from doing things alone. The key is to make friends when you arrive.

Your goal is to meet new people, right? Why not apply a little social pressure to yourself and go alone, so you cannot hide behind the familiarity of your friends?

The worst thing that happens is that you attend an event, you extend your hand in introduction to people, and they completely reject you (never happens by the way, but this is the worst case scenario). All this does is prove that they are snobs and not worth your time.

You leave knowing you tried to meet new people and they were just too close-minded to make space for a new, cool person in their little world.

With the right attitude, going to things alone is a great way to expand your social circle. If you decide to do this, here is a strategy for increasing your effectiveness:

1) Arrive, and introduce yourself to the host of the party (or event organizer)
2) Mingle with some of the guys there (way easier for most guys to chat with guys�right?)
3) Now that you have some male friends as a base, mingle within their social circle � who knows, they may have single, available female friends with them.
4) Then, begin to mingle off of their social circle. As you converse and discuss things, bring other people into it “hey, we are discussing ___, what do you think about ____?�” Presto, you have just expanded the social circle.

Now, we can take this further if there is a woman there that has caught your eye, and you want to meet her.

5) Take the lead, and move the group you are in to ‘her’ area of the room.
6) When you are in her vicinity, bring into your circle the closest person to you that is in �her� circle.
7) Again, take the lead, and present the topic to her circle, connecting the two social circles.

Presto, you are involved in her circle. Although there are seven steps to this little process - it is easy, and can be repeated anytime, and in any social setting.

When she says something, take the lead and respond. This begins a conversation with you and her.

One word of advice, if you really want to begin a good conversation with her, and make it look smooth in the process - disagree with whatever she says.

That’s right, find a way to disagree with her. Then, it makes perfect sense that the two of you talk - as you now have to work out your disagreement!

The above structure is a classic way of socializing that has worked for me countless times. If your goal is merely to expand your social circle, follow this and find yourself meeting new people constantly.

This is also a great way to smoothly meet the ‘her’ in the room.

Of course, you can also just walk up to her and introduce yourself�that might be simpler, and more impressive too. Doing that is a lot easier if you have made some friends first, and established a home base somewhere in the sea of strangers.

In my “Natural Attraction” 7-Day Audio Program, I cover how to meet people in any setting, at any time AND I give you specific guidelines on what to say.

All you have to do is go through the simple, seven day program, and emerge fully equipped with a plan of action for meeting and surrounding yourself with success.

I even go into massive detail on topics such as: baiting, hooking, filleting (just kidding , flirting, teasing, beginning conversations, asking for her number, etc.

I tried to literally anticipate every question you might have in your mind now so that you will leave my program feeling ready to go for what you want.

What makes the “Natural Attraction” audio program so complete is that it will work for any guy, at any stage of development. The exercises are so ’state of the art’ that I’m one of the few people who puts my money where my mouth is.

That’s right - if you are dissatisfied - I’ll give you a full refund.

Interested?

Sick of scanning the internet for answers?

Have you downloaded “How To Get A Girlfriend” yet? It truly is the essential primer for building an attractive lifestyle and cultivating your image to meet any challenge and achieve any goal you have!

Seriously! What are you waiting for?

Your friend,

Stephen

I had a recent email from an NYC guy named AJ with an interesting question about identity building. There is a lot of talk and writing about identity in the pick-up community, most of which is based in the �game� mentality. Since I am no longer at all interested in anything based in game, I thought it might be helpful to write a bit about what identity means from the standpoint of a guy seeking a girlfriend, and a healthy social life.

If you look up the word �identity� in the dictionary, it will tell you this:

1 a : sameness of essential or generic character in different instances;
2 a : the distinguishing character or personality of an individual

�Sameness� and �Distinguishing� are the critical words here. What is constant about you? When you relate to others, what is it that you notice about them that distinguishes them from others? What might someone say about you? Feel free to ask people, if you want. Typically, a person has a chief feature which somehow defines them to others. It might be that they are generous, open, or happy. Or, it could mean that they are suspicious, thrifty and negative. This little exercise is useful, but not really what we are looking for here.

What is more useful to men looking to improve their relationships with women, is to both understand themselves internally and then how that manifests externally (which is the entire point of my company, CEIC). Dare I say, the entire point of �the game� is to refuse what is internal and attempt in every way possible to create an entirely new �identity� to make manifest externally. This leads to the ongoing pattern of guys seeming �incongruent�. They seem incongruent because they ARE incongruent � �nay, not seems madam� (as Hamlet might say). Here�s the rub though, when a guy tries through whatever measure to become congruent with this new identity, material, routine, clothing etc., he denies his true nature, his true identity.

Most guys in the community have a VERY apparent strangeness to them � no one I have met � well, save a very few (Mike, my former partner, was one of them, �26�, who worked with us at Project Hollywood, another), are cool, laid-back guys with a real life, and a real sense of their identity. The others have filled their brain with behaviors, thought patterns, and enforced circuitry which is very unhealthy, and ironically, furthers them from their goal. It INCREASES the real space between them and themselves, exacerbating the issue of being incongruent.

What happens then? Well, the only women who would be attracted to such a confused and childish specimen would be someone equally confused and lost. You attract AT your level. Let this be your New Year�s warning against pick-up, or at least most offerings of pick-up, that you can only develop yourself by becoming and evolving as yourself � in the end, you will fool NO ONE by playing in the land of make believe. If you want better relationships, and higher-quality women/people in your life, you have to develop yourself first.

Also, an identity is NEVER built � it is something that we discover along the path of leading a healthy lifestyle. Identity, in the CEIC lexicon, is the same as �self-image�. The only time a man needs to build his identity is when he refuses to discover and develop the one given to him. This arrogance makes the host pay dearly down the road�this is your second warning�

So, how then do we develop our identities in a healthy way, which can naturally attract like-minded people into our lives?

First � refuse, right now, to ever play games with women or people again. No more gimmicks, no more routines, no more FRs, LRs, DHVs etc. C�mon guys � are you still playing this BS?

Second � what do you WANT out of life? What do you feel is your purpose for being here? It certainly isn�t to manipulate and lie, I can assure you. If you were to die today, what would be the deepest source of sorrow for you? If you can sincerely face this question, you have a chance of really growing-up. The key to knowing and feeling your identity, is in first knowing and feeling your purpose. You might not know the true meaning of your life, but you might at least be curious enough NOW to begin to strive to understand that.

Third � based on knowing your real purpose, how then should you spend your time? If you could architect your calendar, what would it look like? One thing that can directly help improving my self image, is to spend time with people whom I feel happy to be with, and in doing things that fill me with passion and joy. Taking action in the direction on REAL self-development and life-enhancement is the best way to improve self-esteem.

Fourth � Speaking of who you spend your time with, how active is your social circle? How often do you need social interaction? Most of us need a balance of being alone, and being with people. Do you have this balance? Also, how often do you venture out with them and try new things? New restaurants, events, galleries, movies, parties�there is certainly a lot more than meets the eye happening in your neck of the woods, are you actively exploring this? Try doing one new thing/restaurant/venue per month with your friends.

Fifth � With intelligence, can you grow this social circle? Can you involve more people who share like-minded interests and perspectives? This is where social skills actually come in handy (which I cover ad nauseam in “How To Get A Girlfriend” and the “Natural Attraction” audio program) so that you can present yourself in a socially intelligent way to people, not in a socially manipulative way � BIG difference. By meeting new people, and by encouraging your friends to bring along new people, you very naturally are able then to meet new people. If you do interesting and cool activities, these people will be even more interested in being involved.

What happens if you can master these five points is that you really begin to grow and build self-esteem by honoring your true nature. There is nothing that can be gained by denying your true nature. Also, you begin to magnetize like-minded people to you, including WOMEN.

The best way to meet women for relationships is to attract them to you by living autonomously and honestly. If your lifestyle is actively social � you will have NO problem meeting women AND they will have things in common with you. Also, women (and men) tend to want to meet someone for a relationship in a safe and healthy way. The healthy women don�t WANT to meet anyone via a cold approach, they want it to happen as it happens normally � through the process of living and socializing.

So, in short, there really is no �identity building� in real life (there might be in the �Donky-Kong� game lifestyle). What there is is identity discovery and development, but from the inside-out � not from the ego-in. This is the only way to experience real self-esteem development, and therefore real, healthy relationships with people in general, and with women in specific.

That is the point of this website, and CEIC. Thanks for your question AJ.

SN

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