No, I’m not talking about the “full monty” on the first date.

Haha - just writing “full monty” makes me remember Mystery - as that is what he always called the close.

No, what I want to quickly write here on a rainy NY Monday is all about How To Have An AWESOME First Date…

Someone recently posted on my How To Get A Girlfriend Squidoo Page that they’d like more date ideas.

It’s hard to really know why it is that so many of us struggle with coming up with original and interesting ideas for activities and locations for where to take women for a night out. How many guys out there have consistently fallen back on the “Dinner & a Movie” idea?

Probably most, if not ALL of you.

So, what I wanted to do with this post was to give you one of my favorite date ideas, break down why it is so very good, and then toss the ball to the guys reading the blog out there for your ideas - as I am sure some of you have developed good ones yourself.

Read more »

Hey -

I thought that a good Friday post would be my techniques for getting into an open & charged “social state” before you go out.

I’ve come up with 5…but I’d love to know your methods too.

Is there anything you do?
Music you listen to?
Something you say to yourself before going into the club/bar/party/event…?
Something you wear?

What is it for YOU?

I’ve recorded a podcast on it, as I think it will prove to be something valuable for you to listen to just before you go out to meet women, or before you go on a date.

I’d love your feedback on it, so feel free to post any comments you have on the podcast here.

Also, I’ve included clips from my 2 favorite songs to listen to just before I go out. These were particularly helpful during Project Hollywood, when we’d be heading out each and every night. So, you can imagine how “pump-me-up” these songs are…trust me

So, have you signed up for my podcast yet?? If not, click the link below, and be hearing this episode in under 60 secs.

http://www.how-to-get-a-girlfriend.com/blog/podcast/

ENJOY! And, please feel free to post YOUR techniques here to the blog…

Happy weekend -
Stephen.

PS - seen me on Squidoo yet? Check it out and fill-in my latest poll here:

http://www.squidoo.com/how-to-get-a-girlfriend-with-StephenNash

I’ve set-up a poll on my new squidoo page (below) that asks if you’re looking to become a Pick-Up Artist, OR if you’re just looking for dating help, eventually getting yourself a girlfriend.

I’d love your VOTE on this…as I really think that guys who visit all the sites out there have a different AIM.

What’s yours?

Here’s where to go to cast your vote!:

How To Get A Girlfriend On Squidoo!

Thanks guys…and enjoy my Squidoo pagem (fun as hell to make), hope you find it useful.

SN

OK guys…

Forgive my tech-slowness on this. But, I’ve finally been able to load-up the podcast of my convo with Barry Kirkey (aka, Extramask/26 from “The Game”). It’s a total riot, chock full of useful info.

Also, he does a few impressions (Neil Strauss, Tyler Durden for example) and gives some real “behind the scenes” accounts from Project Hollywood…which might interest you.

He and I talk at length about cultivating an attractive sense of humor with women - so, a lot on “being funny” - as well as some great coverage on growing your Look or personal style.

What can I say? Barry is a total original, and I think that will shine thru on this episode of the How To Get A Girlfriend podcast.

So, just follow the directions at the following link:

http://www.how-to-get-a-girlfriend.com/blog/podcast/

And, enjoy!

If you have problems/comments on the podcast - please post them here. I plan to do a lot more in this area, and your feedback will really help!

Stephen.

Hi there -

In the next day or so I am going to be posting a special podcast that I did recently with Barry Kirkey, aka “Extramask” aka “26″ from The Game.

Barry and I are old friends, as we both used to work for RSD.

Now, he runs his own company up in Toronto, and has massive intelligence on meeting/dating women.

But, what sets this interview apart is…well…Barry.

If you’ve ever wanted to hear about:

Project Hollywood
Brazilians
Spiked Hair
Neil Strauss
Tyler Durden
Papa
Comedy
Pranks
RSD Conference Calls
& African Lion Safari Girls (gotta hear it to believe it friend…)

He also does imitations of everyone, and passes on some incredibly valuable info that can help you improve your dating lives right away.

So, be sure to check back over the next few days (hopefully, tomorrow) and we’ll have the interview posted for you to download.

Until then…

Stephen Nash.

I said Wednesday…and I apologize.

This fine machine that I work with here at How To Get A Girlfriend headquarters..aka, this computer has been in “the shop” since Tuesday afternoon.

Something about a power supply.

So, I’m late.

But better late than never, right?

Here’s Part II, where I outline some answers to this troubling phenomenon of “one-itis” or becoming obsessed with that “One Special Girl”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

If you currently find yourself in this situation, you have my heart-felt sympathies friend. This is no easy spot you find yourself in, and my plan is no guarantee for you to “get the girl”.

In fact, everything I am about to tell you may seem completely counter-intuitive.

But, if you can do these few things, I assure you that you will regain your balance and POWER and see this much differently.

First of all, let’s focus on this word “POWER” for a minute, OK?

If you are in a situation where the thoughts in your mind predominate around one area in your life (a girl, in this case) then that particular area has POWER over you.

Here’s a bit of social/relationship math for you, OK?

• Too much power given to a woman PUSHES/REPELS her away from you
• Balanced power in all areas of life ATTRACTS the right women to you
• Too little power given to women ATTRACTS the wrong women to you

Interesting, isn’t it.

Those three little statements I just made cost me 10 years of my life man.

I learned those the HARD way, but I am grateful to know this now and pass it along to you.

If you are a guy who is currently obsessed with a woman, here’s my hunch – she’s not really into you.

She might think you’re nice, fun, cool, smart & interesting. But, she doesn’t find you attractive enough to form a relationship with you.

Women who are attracted to men, return their calls, they make time to see them, and they even initiate contact regularly.

If by chance she IS into you and just playing hard to get, pushing her is going to repel her away from you.

For now, here’s what you’ve got to do:

1) STOP calling her (Now)
2) STOP stalking her (Now - cyber, in person, or otherwise)
3) ASAP – meet more women (approaches, parties, internet…all if possible)
4) In 10 days, INVITE “her” to do something with you and your friends
5) START using real social skills to attract her

The above structure is a way to turn “her” into a friend, and to do it FAST, OK?

It’s a bit sneaky, I admit. But, if you’re so obsessed with a girl that you can’t sleep and if she’s not giving you clear-cut signs that she wants to see you (like, returning your calls, calling you first, creating opportunities to see you, replying to your emails, spending time with you, kissing you, inviting you “upstairs” to meet her dog Maggie…etc) then you need to re-balance this relationship.

In fact, this is not really a relationship at all, is it?

Nope…it’s what I lovingly call a “situationship”.

So, your first goal is to IMMEDIATELY re-balance this situationship.

The way to do that is to reclaim your power by STOPPING bad behavior.

Withdraw the excess of energy you are giving this, and stop calling/stalking/emailing her NOW.

Don’t ever do this again, OK?

I know of a friend who changed all of his passwords and asked his mother to recreate them and keep them from him just so he couldn’t cyber-stalk an ex-girlfriend.

You may not have to take such drastic measures – but do whatever it takes, because obsessive behavior and thinking around a woman 99.99% of the time insures that you WILL NOT GET HER.

Here’s another point that I must make. Usually, we obsess over women who are subtly and indirectly communicating DISinterest to us.

Mixed signals are the cause of obsession and anxiety – lack of clarity is the issue here. If she was interested, you would know it.

She’s just not that into you…in other words. And if she is, by doing the 5 steps I outline above, you will reconnect with her in a healthy way.

If she isn’t…by all means, CUT YOUR LOSSES, OK?

Our minds spin out of control and into obsessive and unhealthy behavior usually when the woman is unavailable.

In my case above, Ariella was giving me indirect signals that she was not available for what I wanted.

Because I was so emotionally wrapped up in it though, I was not able to see it.

Sure, it’s easy to blame her for not being clear and direct, but MOST people handle things in this way.

In order to move past this, you have to OWN your end of it…which is that you didn’t read some pretty obvious signals that she’s not interested in you.

OK – so we’re clear – STOP doing things that are hurting you and STOP RIGHT NOW.

Next, we’ve got to talk a little bit about a word that I am sure will connect with you.

This word changed my life, and that is not an over-hyped marketing statement either, that’s the truth.

The word is:

Scarcity.

If you are obsessed and consumed with ONE woman…you are living in a female scarce world, and you need to change that ASAP.

It is NORMAL for healthy men to want women (if you’re heterosexual that is).

Your impulses towards intimacy, sex and relationship are healthy and right.

What you need is VARIETY – the “anti-scarcity”.

Without some variety, you won’t truly know and appreciate what is out there and may “settle” for a woman that is not truly right for you (if you are lucky).

Long-term, healthy relationships require experience. You’ve got to know the market, in other words, so that you make a healthy, informed choice.

See that?

Scarcity is the enemy of CHOICE.

If you’re panicked and obsessed over “ONE”, then you’ve lost your right to choose and that has to be fixed if you want a successful relationship.

This leads me to point #3 – MEET MORE WOMEN.

Reminds me of one of my favorite movies. Ever see “Fandango”?

It’s from the ‘80s and stars Kevin Costner and Judd Nelson – it’s a great guy flick, and tells the story of a wild road trip taken by some friends right out of college.

Kevin Costner plays a swashbuckling sort of guy, who is a real ladies man.

Well, he’s lamenting a past love with a buddy, and throws down this GEM of a phrase for us:

“The only way to get over a girl, is to go out and get yourself another one”

Makes sense, right? In our case, it makes a LOT of sense.

Guys who suffer from the scarcity mentality have to get their social lives up to speed and get more dates, and more options of women.

This may be the most important point I make in this report – if you want to cultivate true power with women and dating, you’re going to need to meet MORE of them.

I’ll get into this more a bit later, but just know that having more options/choices in your dating life is crucial. And that the next time you’re in this pickle, you’re going to want to meet some new women ASAP.

I’ll cover the three ways to meet more women a bit later in this report though as it’s a very involved topic, and I don’t want to scatter our focus here, OK?

Now, you’re going to need to give this some TIME.

TIME and PATIENCE are now your friends with “her”.

I usually give it around 10 days, and I suggest only now communicating with her in mass emails – nothing direct or personal at this point. Otherwise, she seems too special.

Ever hear of this acronym – LJBF?

Lets Just Be Friends

This is what you’re doing with step #4. You are communicating to her that you’ve moved her into the “friend” column.

In about 10 days you’ll want to organize something with your social circle. A great idea is to discover a cool brunch place, and set something up for Sunday at 1pm.

Brunch is so great because people are more likely to have plans in the evening than they are on a Sunday afternoon. So, this way you will get more “yes” replies.

On a Wednesday send a note to your “list” (with “her” in the cc category like the rest of your friends) inviting everyone to the brunch you’re organizing.

Now, there is no guaranteeing that she will come along. But, if you continue to “lead” your social circle by organizing cool, interesting outings she will eventually come along.

Plus, now that she’s your friend, you’re allowed to treat her like you would any other friend. This is why it’s fine to “cc” her on a mass email.

The ONLY time you have personal involvement with her right now is if she contacts/replies to you. And, even these communiqués need to be quick and without fanfare, much like you would send to a friend.

This is how you reclaim your power here, and eliminate the “one-itis” you’re currently experiencing.

Also, this plan rearranges your “situationship” with her so that she is still in your circle but so that YOU are now in charge (aka: having reclaimed your power).

This will also give the two of you a much less pressured way to get to know each other and see if you are really right for each other.

This is precisely why people tend to fall in love with others via their social circle. So, if you are in a “one-itis” situation, add her into your social circle so that the two of you can have a more balanced way to get to know each other.

Now, this doesn’t guarantee that you’ll “get the girl”. This plan essentially presses the “reset” button with you and her which is you only shot at this point. For, if you are in an obsessed state, you are way past the point of “maybe”.

The final piece to this is to attract her using GOOD social skills.

• You need to be the true LEADER of your social circle
• You need to flirt/tease with her in a way that doesn’t embarrass her, but that does enhance sexual tension
• You need to bait her into chasing you
• You need to capture and lead her imagination by using storytelling
• You need to emphasize the strong connections that exist between you
• You need to present yourself with a “look” that is both contemporary and cool
• You need to understand what is naturally attractive to women, and what is not – then you need to start DOING and BEING attractive and stop DOING and BEING unattractive
• Ultimately, you need to meet more women as my hunch is that “she” is not the one for you…

Meeting more women, learning how to attract them, and living a life that naturally brings THE RIGHT women for relationships is THE teaching I convey in “How To Get A Girlfriend” and I think you owe it to yourself to check it out.

You can have it for free for 7 days even…

Click the link below to download your copy:

http://www.how-to-get-a-girlfriend.com/ebook.html

If you’ve read this article, then don’t you think you owe it to yourself to focus a bit on this challenge called “WOMEN” and get it handled?

My opinion only: if you keep relying on just YOU and YOU alone to handle it, I bet your results don’t change. You can’t get out of the woods with the map that got you there in the first place.

The solution: some NEW information, which is precisely the purpose of my ebook.

So, I sure hope you got something out of these two posts here.

My goal with CEIC is to reduce your pain and help you improve and expand the pleasures of women in your life.

EVERY guy deserves healthy and pleasurable relationships with women, and eventually an awesome girlfriend.

If you’re hung-up on one woman, and she isn’t your girlfriend or wife, then it’s time to assess the health of your dating and social life…

Is that time now?

I hope I’ve helped you with that today.

Over ‘n out,

Stephen.

Hey -

One thing I did not cover in my ebook, “How To Get A Girlfriend” was what to do in that special circumstance where you get hung up on her to the point where you’re obsessed, a bit unfocused, and perhaps even slightly (or more) crazy.

I want to tell you a brief story now - indulge me for a moment before I outline my steps for handling this scenario.

Here’s a rather long, but important, question for you:

Ever been hung up on ONE girl, to the point where you possibly lost sleep, focus, perhaps made ridiculous phone calls to her, stalked her (or cyber-stalked her…a new, scary phenomenon), begged her, shed tears for her…and otherwise lost a huge amount of time effort and energy to the cause of getting her?

(long sentence, I know…bare with me here)

Well, I have been in this position before. This was years ago, way before I ever realized I needed help with women, dating and relationships. Aeons before I learned how to get a girlfriend, and fell in love (which is my situation today…so, I’ve come full circle - in case you were wondering).

I was walking home one night, and met a woman near my apartment - she was walking her dog. I think she asked me for directions - yes, that’s right, she asked me for directions.

So, we began chatting and we eventually swapped numbers. A week later we went out on a date, strolled back to her place, got a bit intimate and said good night. We washed/rinsed/repeated that a few times, and all was good and fun.

Big point to make here is this: All my eggs were in one basket…HER basket - I had no other options, and hadn’t had a cute girl in my life in some time. I think it had been nearly a year possibly since I had even kissed a girl.

I left town on a business trip for 3 weeks, and when I returned - something had changed.

We were set up for a date, and I was all ready to go when the phone rang. It was her cancelling. A sinking feeling set-in.

“Something’s Up”, I thought

She had said she’d call back to arrange another time, but days now started to pass with no call from her.

S-T-R-E-S-S sets in & my sleep started to suffer.

I decide to call her.

Seems a good decision, right?

Here are the stories I was telling myself:

“Aah, maybe she’s busy at work and hasn’t had a chance to call me” (NEVER happens…when someone wants to call someone, they make time for it)
“Maybe something horrible happened” (Maybe it did, but even then, if she was really interested, she would call)
“My answering machine is broken” (But, I was getting messages from other people)
“Maybe, just maybe, I was supposed to call HER” (She had been clear, and this was a blatant rationalization, as I was looking for anything that would help me FEEL BETTER NOW!)

So, I called her.

Are you close to cringing yet? Don’t worry…this gets worse.

She nervously played it off as “being busy”, “things got away from me”, “oh, this case is so overwhelming (she worked for the DA)”…somewhere in my body though, my heart was sinking…

“Let’s get together this weekend”, said I
“Uh, OK…um, well, can we talk later in the week so I’ll know if I’m free?”, she blustered
“Sure, I’ll call you on Wednesday” (it was Sunday), I replied
“OK Stephen…I’ll talk to you then”, she said and then quickly got off the phone

As soon as I hung up, a feeling of relief swept over me - I had done it! We had a date coming-up and all was well!

It was good to hear her voice, I recall thinking. Again, I had so few women in my life, that just hearing her voice made me smile.

And then, 10 minutes later, it all changed. Suddenly, a feeling of suspicion began to grow inside of me. Part of me knew that something wasn’t quite right here. My feeling of trust had been broken by her, as she had flaked once by now. Was she doing that again?

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday….each night worse than the previous. I would awaken with a gasp, and then stress would set-in. The stress of desperately needing to control a situation that is immensely uncontrollable.

Work each day would be difficult - I had no ability to focus - NONE. I would take breaks, I would try to eat, I would drink lots of coffee.

An annoying habit began to kick-in…I began to “confide in my friends about the situation” - because, I needed advice.

Within a day, everyone was hearing about it - and everyone gave me different advice.

“Dude, you have to tell her how you FEEL” (guy)
“Just lay back, she’ll call you - I know it” (guy)
“Haha, man Stephen, don’t ask me - I’m just as clueless as you are” (guy)
“Call her, and just leave her a groovy message man, and DON’T ask her out…” (guy)
“How wonderful! You’re in love with someone! I just know it will work out - what is her name?” (girl)

Each person’s tip would inspire me, give me hope and confidence for just as long as they would talk. I could be carried away by their emotion and optimism, but as soon as they were gone, I would sink back into even greater confusion and anxiety than before.

So, as you can probably imagine, Wednesday came and I was relieved. At around 8pm that night, I worked up the nerve to call her. I was REALLY nervous. I had decided that I would just go with the plan of firming up plans for the weekend. To do anything else would be out of the ordinary here, and perhaps I was “overreacting”.

I call - no answer - into voice-mail - I hang up

Shit.

I should have left a voice mail! Damn, now if I call again, will she know that I double-rang her??

More stress sets in.

I call again - again, no answer - into voice-mail - nervous, shaky, stammering message - I hang up

Shit.

Double Shit.

I try to distract myself by watching some TV, but I can only think about the LAME message I just left on her voice mail.

An hour or so passes, the phone rings.

My heart jumps - “maybe it’s her!”

Nope - a call for my roommate. Some guy named Darryl, who calls everyday to talk about some “website project”.

Get a life Darryl.

I go back to the TV and begin obsessing again. I pull apart my message in my mind, trying desperately to figure out how she will receive it once she does hear it.

It’s now time for bed, and I try to sleep. I can’t do it. When my alarm rings in the morning, I’ve had maybe a few hours.

My eyes and body start to show a bit of fatigue at work.

“Stephen, are you OK? You seem a bit tired” (they say)
“Yeah, maybe a bit”

Being that this was before I had a cellphone, I am now checking my home voicemail VERY often. I recall that before my trip away, I had checked my voicemail from work and had received messages from her.

“Maybe that’s how it works?” I think
“Maybe, God will only send me a voicemail from her when I’m not obsessing about it”

Every hour (or more) I phone home to check voicemail…no messages. NONE whatsoever. I crave the sound of “Debbie, the voicemail lady” to say the following:

“You have ONE new voice message - to hear your message press ONE”

All I want is ONE Debbie. I could hear her voice in my head before I’d call.

The weekend passed, less sleep, more stress, less eating, more obsessing….

Monday, Tuesday…and now, Wednesday again.

Strangely, I started to feel better early in the week - as if, something was lightening up in me…but, once I decided to call again on Wednesday - it returned.

All I needed was to stare at the phone with a small ounce of desire, and the itch was back on me like the hives.

I called her again….and again, into voice mail. I left a quick message:

“Hey, it’s Stephen. Hadn’t heard from you so wanted to check-in and say Hi. I hope nothing is wrong, and that alls well. Give me a ring so we can hang out soon. Bye”

“check-in”
“alls well”

Catch phrases for…CALL ME PLEASE I AM DYING OVER HERE.

I felt a bit relieved by now. I had done what I could do, and now I could let this go.

I decided to go for a walk at this point to “clear my head” - something very satisfying about taking an action, and knowing that you’ve done what you can.

I return and notice the message light blinking. My heart leaps into my throat as I press the red “PLAY” button.

“Hey Stephen, it’s Ariella. Sorry I haven’t been in touch. Give me a call when you get this, so we can talk. Bye”

NICE! It’s ON!! Or, so I think…

I call her now. And she answers. After the usual pleasantries…she drops the bomb:

“So, you should know that me and my ex have started hanging out again…it’s not too serious yet, but that’s probably why I haven’t been so responsive”

My face fills with blush. I’m flustered. My mouth and throat tighten. I grow dizzy.

“Oh, OK, yeah, I was wondering why I hadn’t heard from you”
“Yeah, sorry about that, I should have told you…but, you know”
“Oh sure…yeah…well, OK”
“So, I should go - but I’ll talk to you soon, OK?”
“Great, OK - Bye”
“Bye”

I sit down.

What just happened? My heart was aching….my brain was cycling like never before. Where my brain heard opportunity and an opening, my heart felt closure and an “overness” like never before. They began to fight.

My brain won.

“I’ll talk to you soon” it repeated to me

She never said they were “back together” it said

She never said “don’t call me” it said

And again, she said “I’ll talk to you soon” - dude, it’s ON!

I went to sleep, barely with my mind racing a mile/minute convincing me that it was ON…and then, it was OVER…ON…OVER…ON….OVER

UGH.

I began stalking her.

Now, when I say “stalking” I don’t mean that I’d crouch in the bushes by her house - no. But, I would stroll past her apartment building 2-3 times per day when it was totally inconvenient for me to do so. I would go WAY out of my way to hopefully “run into her” spontaneously. I would call her sporadically hoping that she would answer…only to have her voicemail pick-up and never leave a message.

One night, the worst of the worst happened.

During one of my “strolls”, I saw her and him going into the apartment. They didn’t see me, but I saw them. Care to guess what he looked like?

A total stud…

He had me by three inches in height, looked way cooler than me, probably worked out 4 times a DAY, and she was staring at him adoringly…

I walked away. I walked home. And then, it happened…

I began to cry.

I am very serious about this.

You see, when you have a fantasy relationship with someone, and then you see them in REALITY with someone ELSE…it’s a heart-breaker. It’s devastating. It’s a crushing blow.

Now, not only did I get to stress out about her, but now I had images of her with HIM to boot.

This was not getting better.

I stopped sleeping. My work suffered. People began to be “concerned” for me.

One day at work, I decided to go for broke.

You see, when we’re obsessed with that “one special girl”, we usually have one of three options:

1) The Stalking Method (tried it, and failed at it)
2) The Call and Leave/Dont Leave Voice Messages Method (tried it, and failed at it)
3) The BEG AND PLEAD Method (my final option…and, oh yeah, I was about to USE it)

Late one night, I called 411 and found the general number for her office. I phoned it, and was able to deduce her direct dial work number.

I decided that tomorrow - I was going for broke, and I was going to end this once and for all - she was either going to see me, or it’s OVER.

(of course, she had been giving me signals left and right that it was over for some time now…signals that I was not receiving - so, for her it was OVER already)

I called her after lunch. Surprisingly, I ate a lot. Something in me had relaxed knowing that I was about to take ownership over this situation once and for all.

At 3pm, I headed downstairs to the basement to use a private land line. I was going for broke.

I called, she answered, and for the next 20 minutes I pulled out every trick, stop, gimmick, and sappy plead that I could muster. I even told her I loved her. I was the romantic, I was the “alpha male”, I was a poet, I was funny, I was everything I had ever wanted to be…and then, it was over.

She told me she was back with “him” and that she really “liked” me, but that she had to focus on her relationship now.

“You’re a great guy Stephen, but I’m looking to get married and I think he’s the one for me. Can we be friends though?”

“Sure”…

We said our good-bye’s, and just like that - it was over.

10 weeks of hell, sweat, tears, stress and sleepless nights were over…that night, I feel right to sleep and woke up a new man the next day.

********************************

I gotta tell you, just rehashing that story fills me with both pain and pride.

Pain because I can still feel some of those memories in my body…

Pride because I’ve come a LONG way since then - and that phenomenon doesn’t happen to me anymore.

I want to tell you now how to both HANDLE this situation and how to work your social life so that this won’t HAPPEN to you again.

Tune in Wednesday for the rest of this article…promise guys, the rest of this will be up by 12noon eastern

(sorry, running out of space here on the blog!).

Stephen.

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