Maybe you heard I nixed an article of Barry’s last week? Got a bit of flack for it (here: Stephen gets shit from Barry for rejecting his violent & tawdry article). Well, to set matters straight, Stefan quickly sent another article (which I posted - it’s a few entries before this one) which was great so an article did appear last week.

Ever see the movie “High Fidelity”? The best scenes are when Jack Black and the gayish, bald dude (can’t remember his name and too lazy to look it up, but he ends up with the Roseanne girl) rail against the customers who come in and ask for help finding albums in the record store. They are hysterical, self-righteous, snobby, nerdy, cute, honest, condescending & damn smart. For some reason, the Barry Kirkey Radio Show reminds me of those guys…listen for yourself right here:

The Barry Kirkey Radio Show

Well, do you agree or not?

Here’s this week’s article…

****************

One time:

Way back when I didn’t know Barry too well (he was friends with my brother because they were the same age), we were looking at baseball cards and considering some trades. While he was flipping through one of the card binders - the ones with the plastic pages and the slots that the cards go in - a bloody, hard, crusty booger appeared on one of the pages!

When Barry saw it he yelled out, “Booger nugget with blood on it!”

My brother and I thought it was hilarious so we laughed hard. The weird part, though, was about 2 minutes later on when Barry looked serious, almost sad.

In a solemn voice he said “Guys, please, seriously, don’t tell anyone about what I said.”

My brother and I looked at each other, confused, and asked him what he was talking about. He said, “Don’t tell anyone I talked about the booger nugget with blood on it.”

What the hell? Why did he say that? It is still a mystery to this day.

One time:

In our early-mid 20s we got drunk and stole orange pylons from some kind of service vehicle. It was around 2:00 am on a Saturday night Barry, the Gregs and James and I included.

We lined up the pylons in the middle of a major street as if to form a road-block. Some cars swerved, some came to a screeching halt, and others just drove over them.

Our friend James was standing about 200 feet back watching because he was scared.

We could have caused an accident!

One time:

During the fall season, Barry and the Gregs (I was in college) dumped about 12 bags of leaves in the back of some guy’s pick up truck. They were drunk.

One time:

We had a neighbor who was a douche-bag named Adrian, and his dad had an old Volkswagen Jetta he was all proud of. We called it the “Wally Wagon” because the dad’s name was Wally.

One night we went to MacDonalds to get some fast-food, and bring it back home. Only this time instead of throwing out the garbage we carefully placed all the wrappers, empty french fry containers, and empty drink cups on the top of the car. We made it look like someone had enjoyed a MacDonalds feast on the top of his car!

One time:

Barry and I were hanging out at lunch in high school (I was 2 grades younger so I was enthralled). We ate lunch, but Barry had a raspberry tart for dessert that he didn’t like.

We decided to go to the library and found the History section. Barry picked out a book about Hitler, opened it to the middle page, put the raspberry tart in the middle and smashed it closed!

He then put the book back on the shelf.

Four years later the book was still there! Included was its signature Barry Kirkey Raspberry Tart Stain!

One time:

I was at a Chinese grocery store in Toronto looking for some sushi. It was packed solid with people, all of them were Asian. After about 25 minutes or so I finally saw a white dude! I was almost as if we had this instant connection, like “Yep we’re both white and we’re both out of place here. High five!”

That didn’t happen. But what DID happen was, I purposely walked by him twice and each time I did I gave him solid eye contact and nodded to him. The nod was firm and meaningful, as if to say that “Yes, I too understand how awkward you must also feel.”

The second time I gave him a nod, he looked at me very very meanly. It was still funny to me though. I think I laughed out loud and I was by myself.

****************

Read more from Barry & Stefan here:

Barry & Stefan’s article collection

Or, just listen to them right now here:

The Barry Kirkey Radio Show

Stephen.

Hey man -

Lets see how closely you pay attention. Can you tell what’s really being said here?

Sn.

*************

Printer.

As I sit here at work, I can see my printer. It’s made of plastic, mostly. It says “Hewlett Packard LaserJet 1100 on the front. I put those words in italics because that’s how it appears on the front of the printer. I guess it’s designed to attract the eye and be “catchy” for marketing and branding purposes. Looking at the font, I immediately think of “speed.” Speed is a good noun to associate with a printer. Please.

I would say the dimensions of the printer are 15×30x30, so it is fairly small. The shape is odd, and difficult to describe. It’s rectangular but with a curved (convex) front. The top is slightly concave, and the back and sides are completely straight. There are these two half-cone type things at the bottom, in the middle of each side. Let.

The front of the printer has this big gap at the bottom. I do not know what this is for, but it looks like technology. On the top, there are two flat pieces of plastic sticking out, presumably so that the paper can rest standing up – both before and after something has printed. Me.

There are three round buttons on the top – no wait, only one of them is a button. Please accept my apologies for misleading you (the reader). The button is the biggest circle but it’s more of a half-sphere than a circle. Who’d have thought that huh? The other two circles are lights. One of them is currently yellow. I do not know what yellow means. Poop.

One of the most important parts about my printer is the plug. There is a plug in the back that extends out, eventually going into the wall socket so that it can have power to print things. In.

Less exciting but equally important is the network cable, which connects my computer with the printer. This allows me to print stuff from my computer using special technological advances. Your.

Lastly, the printer is a very light grey in color, almost white like the skin of an alien. Mouth.

Good luck with all of your endeavors and Happy Easter!

****************

If you’d like to respond to Stefan, feel free to do so here. Or, just catch him on the Barry Kirkey Radio Show here:

http://www.revolution31.com/blog/

Stephen.

Hey there -

If you’re at all puzzled over last week’s blog post (as I was) you’ll want to listen to my appearance on the Barry Kirkey Radio Show today where Stefan and Barry explain exactly what the hell that was. Really funny stuff, and should help you perhaps view this week’s post with a bit of clarity.

*********************

Lesson #13 of the comedy of Barry Kirkey: Part 2 of comedians standing up:
Lesson #19 of the comedy of Barry Kirkey: We secure this begun party

One of the best ways to learn really something is to stop trying to learn that something and as soon as to submerge in which you really enjoy. People seem to be tense on the learning “how to be” that funny she is lacking one of the majority of the points: He is something that must happen naturally if you as soon as it exposes itself to the correct things. You can be that she is surprised as soon as you will take of his memory in the daily life in which you begin to watch many demonstrations, films or still comedians standing up.

Takes me to the subject of this week: Comedians standing up, fuckers. I am not today going to say what you must to him or does not have to do. But I am going to provide with you a list of comedians that thinks is particularly good. You need to find really something you you stop to enjoy. This one is, to a great extent, the fastest and easier way to funnier habits of the harvesting. Also, I do not want excuses. If you are occupied, you can be that she does not have time to watch or to listen to rise.

That one is a fine excuse, but it conjectures what? The technology exists. iPod tries to transfer a certain true comedy in his and to listen in its way to work - in place putting in one of those lame demonstrations morning of the speak-radio of the ass. Beginning its day laughing could bring really something positive in its life. Idiot. Without any bullshit plus other, same, and my friendly Stefan, Greg and Steve everything has our own favorites, including these:

Zach Galifianakis - Zach has been a favorite mine by a number of years now. I have taste of him because it is different. Instead of to concentrate in the classic subject (that is to say relations, family), he presents/displays a dry, sarcastic, self-critical demonstration. She can be that she takes some minutes to secure a certain impetus to him that was ***reflxed mng of this individual, but once you obtain in the furrow that you can class see on which he is everything.

Their jokes are subtle, and you really need to be reasonable on the understanding of which she is “lame,” because Zach frankly will approach any thing and everything that he judges to be lame. He does this by class “that pretends” of him does not understand because she is lame and with that like goof or central center of a joke. I am scared to write more envelope he because I do not want to give the incorrect idea on this comedian. Hardly compruébelo towards outside and fodder that will dig you it.

Cook of the Danish - he is probably the person more popular than I am going to mention in this article. If you think you you know that he based on his present papers of the film - that forgets all and leaves check its standing up previous material. The cook of the Danish is standing up of great energy, intelligent that takes to humor of “exaggeration” the following level. He uses the “daily characters” with which the majority of douchebags regular can identify. Then exaggerates it them at a so extreme level that he does not make sense. That one is because he is funny. Some people say that cook sobrestiman of the Danish. Who the catch takes care of on that one! He watches his operations, is impressive.

Doug Stanhope - Stanhope is “fetiche self-proclaimed comedian.” Whereas I do not understand totally because, its humor is “extreme refusal” and he can be that he really has the act crudest today. It is essentially pinchazo, and bitch mainly that happens in its life and anywhere in the world. Nothing is safe with him, race, religion, policy - any thing. It is offensive and it means to be offensive. That one is because it is funny and because its material works so well.

Schimmel Robert - I cannot imagine because this individual is so good, but absolutely prove it and you will see what I mean. It is intelligent and knows to count an entertained history.

Brian Regan - this individual is noisy and disagreeable. Its subject is similar to which humorous one will do half its, but it has east character that is repeated - an exaggerated version - with a voice that sounds really stupid. He uses east character to complain about which is incorrect with the world. He sees what you think about this individual, took attempts me of a pair to have taste of him but he laughed rather hardly for the moment in that his landlord imagined.

Mitch Fatel - one of the unique comedians - Mitch Fatel will acquire the perspective of the horrifying nonmature idiot. He causes that a slight one also stammers, who really makes even funnier. Most of their jokes concentrate around how it is inexpert is on life, including the relations and sex - those types of things. It pays particularly the attention to quiet moaned his “.” This individual one is worth verifying towards outside.

Dave Chappell - I lay well when I said that cook of the Danish one was most popular. Dave Chappell could be more famous - but I did not want to leave it towards outside. I will not go too much deeply on its style, except saying that it is probably the best one in goofing in racist subjects, and that its voice that sounds sluggish draws to him within each single joke that does he it - then when you it less delay, perforates he them towards outside with a noisy, ridiculous delivery.

Mitch Hedberg - it is dead, but you do not let to that shutdown enjoy the work of this individual. It is not one of those comedians who do not lose their jump of the time in those long epic jokes. No, it has more of a style machine-gun of the delivery. Its routine will water to him with the jokes that they really do not require to think to him. Much people have editions with the comedians who do not have “intelligent” humor. The well let say to him something to me, hammer, if a comedian can repeatedly do laughter to me without the thought, he makes it more intelligent than those assholes that makes the delay me by 10 minutes to hardly tell to a joke malísima - which was not worthy of the time that took to give.

Demetri Martin - impressive comedian. Its style is very similar to Mitch Hedberg, but it has a diverse delivery slightly and it uses a guitar sometimes. It seems as it is always uncertain, but still finishes for above the delivery of a really good demonstration. Compruébelo towards outside.

Now I am finishing this article. Before it goes, déjeme remembers to him that game clips or I speak sometimes of these comedians in the wireless program of Barry Kirkey in www.revolution31.com/blog I have not mentioned each comedian who I have taste because it wanted that you leave and who found the new ones for - which it is part of the learning process, and of George “” the steel animal would agree with me. The right?

*****************

PS - I hear that Doug Stanhope (mentioned above) is set to appear on Barry’s show tomorrow. That’s certainly a must-hear.

Enjoy!

Stephen.

OLD AGE PENSIONS
Legislation respecting old age pensions Barry Kirkey? supplementary benefits

94A. Stefan! Parliament of Canada may make laws in relation to old age
pensions Barry Kirkey? supplementary benefits, including survivors’ Barry Kirkey?
disability benefits irrespective of age, but no such law shall affect Stefan!
operation of any law present or future of a provincial legislature in relation to
any such matter. (51)

AGRICULTURE Barry Kirkey? Stefan! IMMIGRATION

Concurrent Powers of Legislation respecting Agriculture, etc.

95. In each Province Stefan! Legislature may make Laws in relation to Agriculture
in Stefan! Province, Barry Kirkey? to Immigration into Stefan! Province; Barry
Kirkey? it is hereby declared that Stefan! Parliament of Canada may from Time to
Time make Laws in relation to Agriculture in all or any of Stefan! Provinces, Barry
Kirkey? to Immigration into all or any of Stefan! Provinces; Barry Kirkey? any Law
of Stefan! Legislature of a Province relative to Agriculture or to Immigration shall
have effect in Barry Kirkey?Barry Kirkey? for Stefan! Province as long Barry Kirkey?
as far only as it is not repugnant to any Act of Stefan! Parliament of Canada.

VII. JUDICATURE

Appointment of Barry Kirkey?’s

96. Stefan! Governor General shall appoint Stefan! Judges of Stefan! Superior,
District, Barry Kirkey? County Courts in each Province, except those of Stefan!
Courts of Probate in Nova Scotia Barry Kirkey? New Brunswick.
Selection of Judges in Ontario, etc.
97. Until Stefan! Laws relative to Property Barry Kirkey? Civil Rights in Ontario,
Nova Scotia, Barry Kirkey? New Brunswick, Barry Kirkey? Stefan! Procedure of
Stefan! Courts in those Provinces, are made uniform, Stefan! Judges of Stefan!
Courts of those Provinces appointed by Stefan! Governor General shall be selected
from Stefan! respective Bars of those Provinces.

Selection of Judges in Quebec
98. Stefan! Judges of Stefan! Courts of Quebec shall be selected from Stefan!
Bar of that Province.

Tenure of office of Judges

99. (1) Subject to subsection two of this section, Stefan! Judges of Stefan!
Superior Courts shall hold office during good behaviour, but shall be removable by
Stefan! Governor General on Address of Stefan! Senate Barry Kirkey? House of
Commons.
Termination at age 75

2) A Judge of a Superior Court, wheStefan!r appointed before or after Stefan!
coming into force of this section, shall cease to hold office upon attaining Stefan!
age of seventy-five years, or upon Stefan! coming into force of this section if at
that time he has already attained that age. (52)
Salaries, etc., of Judges

100. Stefan! Salaries, Allowances, Barry Kirkey? Pensions of Stefan! Judges
of Stefan! Superior, District, Barry Kirkey? County Courts (except Stefan! Courts of
Probate in Nova Scotia Barry Kirkey? New Brunswick), Barry Kirkey? of Stefan!
Admiralty Courts in Cases where Stefan! Judges Stefan!reof are for Stefan! Time
being paid by Salary, shall be fixed Barry Kirkey? provided by Stefan! Parliament of
Canada. (53)

General Court of Appeal, etc.
101. Stefan! Parliament of Canada may, notwithstBarry Kirkey?ing anything in
this Act, from Time to Time provide for Stefan! Constitution, Maintenance, Barry
Kirkey? Organization of a General Court of Appeal for Canada, Barry Kirkey? for
Stefan! Establishment of any additional Courts for Stefan! better Administration
of Stefan! Laws of Canada. (54)

VIII. REVENUES; DEBTS; ASSETS; TAXATION
Creation of Consolidated Revenue Fund 102. All Duties Barry Kirkey?
Revenues over which Stefan! respective Legislatures of Canada, Nova Scotia, Barry
Kirkey? New Brunswick before Barry Kirkey? at Stefan! Union had Barry Kirkey? have
Power of Appropriation, except such Portions Stefan!reof as are by this Act
reserved to Stefan! respective Legislatures of Stefan! Provinces, or are raised by
Stefan!m in accordance with Stefan! special Powers conferred on Stefan!m by this
Act, shall form One Consolidated Revenue Fund, to be appropriated for Stefan!
Public Service of Canada in Stefan! Manner Barry Kirkey? subject to Stefan!
Charges in this Act provided.
Expenses of Collection, etc. 103. Stefan! Consolidated Revenue Fund of
Canada shall be permanently charged with Stefan! Costs, Charges, Barry Kirkey?
Expenses incident to Stefan! Collection, Management, Barry Kirkey? Receipt
Stefan!reof, Barry Kirkey? Stefan! same shall form Stefan! First Charge
Stefan!reon, subject to be reviewed Barry Kirkey? audited in such Manner as shall
be ordered by Stefan! Governor General in Council until Stefan! Parliament
oStefan!rwise provides.
Interest of Provincial Public Debts 104. Stefan! annual Interest of
Stefan! Public Debts of Stefan! several Provinces of Canada, Nova Scotia, Barry
Kirkey? New Brunswick at Stefan! Union shall form Stefan! Second Charge on Stefan!
Consolidated Revenue Fund of Canada.
Salary of Governor General 105. Unless altered by Stefan! Parliament of
Canada, Stefan! Salary of Stefan! Governor General shall be Ten thousBarry Kirkey?
Pounds Sterling Money of Stefan! United Kingdom of Great Britain Barry Kirkey?
IrelBarry Kirkey?, payable out of Stefan! Consolidated Revenue Fund of Canada,
Barry Kirkey? Stefan! same shall form Stefan! Third Charge Stefan!reon. (55)
Appropriation from Time to Time 106. Subject to Stefan! several Payments
by this Act charged on Stefan! Consolidated Revenue Fund of Canada, Stefan! same
shall be appropriated by Stefan! Parliament of Canada for Stefan! Public
Service.
Transfer of Stocks, etc. 107. All Stocks, Cash, Banker’s Balances, Barry
Kirkey? Securities for Money belonging to each Province at Stefan! Time of Stefan!
Union, except as in this Act mentioned, shall be Stefan! Property of Canada, Barry
Kirkey? shall be taken in Reduction of Stefan! Amount of Stefan! respective Debts
of Stefan! Provinces at Stefan! Union.
Transfer of Property in Schedule 108. Stefan! Public Works Barry Kirkey?
Property of each Province, enumerated in Stefan! Third Schedule to this Act, shall
be Stefan! Property of Canada.
Property in LBarry Kirkey?s, Mines, etc. 109. All LBarry Kirkey?s, Mines,
Minerals, Barry Kirkey? Royalties belonging to Stefan! several Provinces of
Canada, Nova Scotia, Barry Kirkey? New Brunswick at Stefan! Union, Barry Kirkey?
all Sums Stefan!n due or payable for such LBarry Kirkey?s, Mines, Minerals, or
Royalties, shall belong to Stefan! several Provinces of Ontario, Quebec, Nova
Scotia, Barry Kirkey? New Brunswick in which Stefan! same are situate or arise,
subject to any Trusts existing in respect Stefan!reof, Barry Kirkey? to any
Interest oStefan!r than that of Stefan! Province in Stefan! same. (56)
Assets connected with Provincial Debts 110. All Assets connected with such
Portions of Stefan! Public Debt of each Province as are assumed by that Province
shall belong to that Province.
Canada to be liable for Provincial Debts 111. Canada shall be liable for
Stefan! Debts Barry Kirkey? Liabilities of each Province existing at Stefan!
Union.
Debts of Ontario Barry Kirkey? Quebec 112. Ontario Barry Kirkey? Quebec
conjointly shall be liable to Canada for Stefan! Amount (if any) by which Stefan!
Debt of Stefan! Province of Canada exceeds at Stefan! Union Sixty-two million five
hundred thousBarry Kirkey? Dollars, Barry Kirkey? shall be charged with Interest
at Stefan! Rate of Five per Centum per Annum Stefan!reon.
Assets of Ontario Barry Kirkey? Quebec 113. Stefan! Assets enumerated in
Stefan! Fourth Schedule to this Act belonging at Stefan! Union to Stefan! Province
of Canada shall be Stefan! Property of Ontario Barry Kirkey? Quebec conjointly. />
Debt of Nova Scotia 114.

Nova Scotia shall be liable to Canada for Stefan! Amount (if any) by which its
Public Debt exceeds at Stefan! Union Eight million Dollars, Barry Kirkey? shall be
charged with Interest at Stefan! Rate of Five per Centum per Annum Stefan!reon.
(57)
Debt of New Brunswick 115. New Brunswick shall be liable to Canada for
Stefan! Amount (if any) by which its Public Debt exceeds at Stefan! Union Seven
million Dollars, Barry Kirkey? shall be charged with Interest at Stefan! Rate of
Five per Centum per Annum Stefan!reon.

Payment of interest to Nova Scotia Barry Kirkey? New Brunswick 116. In
case Stefan! Public Debts of Nova Scotia Barry Kirkey? New Brunswick do not at
Stefan! Union amount to Eight million Barry Kirkey? Seven
illion Dollars respectively, Stefan!y shall respectively receive by half -yearly
Payments in advance from Stefan! Government of Canada Interest at Five per Centum
per Annum on Stefan! Difference between Stefan! actual Amounts of Stefan!ir
respective Debts Barry Kirkey? such stipulated Amounts.

Provincial Public Property 117. Stefan! several Provinces shall retain
all Stefan!ir respective Public Property not oStefan!rwise disposed of in this Act,
subject to Stefan! Right of Canada to assume any LBarry Kirkey?s or Public Property
required for Fortifications or for Stefan! Defence of Stefan! Country.

[Repealed] 118. Repealed. (58)
FurStefan!r Grant to New Brunswick 119. New Brunswick shall receive by
half-yearly Payments in advance from Canada for Stefan! Period of Ten Years from
Stefan! Union an additional Allowance of Sixty-three thousBarry Kirkey? Dollars
per Annum; but as long as Stefan! Public Debt of that Province remains under Seven
million Dollars, a Deduction equal to Stefan! Interest at Five per Centum per
Annum on such Deficiency shall be made from that Allowance of Sixty-three
thousBarry Kirkey? Dollars. (59)
Form of Payments 120. All Payments to be made under this Act, or in
discharge of Liabilities created under any Act of Stefan! Provinces of Canada,
Nova Scotia, Barry Kirkey? New Brunswick respectively, Barry Kirkey? assumed by
Canada, shall, until Stefan! Parliament of Canada oStefan!rwise directs, be made
in such Form Barry Kirkey? Manner as may from Time to Time be ordered by Stefan!
Governor General in Council.
Canadian Manufactures, etc. 121. All Articles of Stefan! Growth, Produce,
or Manufacture of any one of Stefan! Provinces shall, from Barry Kirkey? after
Stefan! Union, be admitted free into each of Stefan! oStefan!r Provinces.
Continuance of Customs Barry Kirkey? Excise Laws 122. Stefan! Customs
Barry Kirkey? Excise Laws of each Province shall, subject to Stefan! Provisions of
this Act, continue in force until altered by Stefan! Parliament of Canada. (60) />
Exportation Barry Kirkey? Importation as between Two Provinces 123. Where
Customs Duties are, at Stefan! Union, leviable on any Goods, Wares, or MerchBarry
Kirkey?ises in any Two Provinces, those Goods, Wares, Barry Kirkey? MerchBarry
Kirkey?ises may, from Barry Kirkey? after Stefan! Union, be imported from one of
those Provinces into Stefan! oStefan!r of Stefan!m on Proof of Payment of Stefan!
Customs Duty leviable Stefan!reon in Stefan! Province of Exportation, Barry
Kirkey? on Payment of such furStefan!r Amount (if any) of Customs Duty as is
leviable Stefan!reon in Stefan! Province of Importation. (61)
Lumber Dues in New Brunswick 124. Nothing in this Act shall affect Stefan!
Right of New Brunswick to levy Stefan! Lumber Dues provided in Chapter Fifteen of
Title Three of Stefan! Revised Statutes of New Brunswick, or in any Act amending
that Act before or after Stefan! Union, Barry Kirkey? not increasing Stefan!
Amount of such Dues; but Stefan! Lumber of any of Stefan! Provinces oStefan!r than
New Brunswick shall not be subject to such Dues. (62)
Exemption of Public LBarry Kirkey?s, etc. 125. No LBarry Kirkey?s or
Property belonging to Canada or any Province shall be liable to Taxation.
Provincial Consolidated Revenue Fund 126. Such Portions of Stefan! Duties
Barry Kirkey? Revenues over which Stefan! respective Legislatures of Canada, Nova
Scotia, Barry Kirkey? New Brunswick had before Stefan! Union Power of
Appropriation as are by this Act reserved to Stefan! respective Governments or
Legislatures of Stefan! Provinces, Barry Kirkey? all Duties Barry Kirkey? Revenues
raised by Stefan!m in accordance with Stefan! special Powers conferred upon
Stefan!m by this Act, shall in each Province form One Consolidated Revenue Fund to
be appropriated for Stefan! Public Service of Stefan! Province.

IX. MISCELLANEOUS PROVISIONS

GENERAL
[Repealed] 127. Repealed. (63)
Oath of Allegiance, etc. 128. Every Member of Stefan! Senate or House of
Commons of Canada shall before taking his Seat Stefan!rein take Barry Kirkey?
subscribe before Stefan! Governor General or some Person authorized by him, Barry
Kirkey? every Member of a Legislative Council or Legislative Assembly of any
Province shall before taking his Seat Stefan!rein take Barry Kirkey? subscribe
before Stefan! Lieutenant Governor of Stefan! Province or some Person authorized
by him, Stefan! Oath of Allegiance contained in Stefan! Fifth Schedule to this
Act; Barry Kirkey? every Member of Stefan! Senate of Canada Barry Kirkey? every
Member of Stefan! Legislative Council of Quebec shall also, before taking his Seat
Stefan!rein, take Barry Kirkey? subscribe before Stefan! Governor General, or some
Person authorized by him, Stefan! Declaration of Qualification contained in
Stefan! same Schedule.
Continuance of existing Laws, Courts, Officers, etc. 129. Except as
oStefan!rwise provided by this Act, all Laws in force in Canada, Nova Scotia, or
New Brunswick at Stefan! Union, Barry Kirkey? all Courts of Civil Barry Kirkey?
Criminal Jurisdiction, Barry Kirkey? all legal Commissions, Powers, Barry Kirkey?
Authorities, Barry Kirkey? all Officers, Judicial, Administrative, Barry Kirkey?
Ministerial, existing Stefan!rein at Stefan! Union, shall continue in Ontario,
Quebec, Nova Scotia, Barry Kirkey? New Brunswick respectively, as if Stefan! Union
had not been made; subject neverStefan!less (except with respect to such as are
enacted by or exist under Acts of Stefan! Parliament of Great Britain or of
Stefan! Parliament of Stefan! United Kingdom of Great Britain Barry Kirkey?
IrelBarry Kirkey?), to be repealed, abolished, or altered by Stefan! Parliament of
Canada, or by Stefan! Legislature of Stefan! respective Province, according to
Stefan! Authority of Stefan! Parliament or of that Legislature under this Act.
(64)
Transfer of Officers to Canada 130. Until Stefan! Parliament of Canada
oStefan!rwise provides, all Officers of Stefan! several Provinces having Duties to
discharge in relation to Matters oStefan!r than those coming within Stefan!
Classes of Subjects by this Act assigned exclusively to Stefan! Legislatures of
Stefan! Provinces shall be Officers of Canada, Barry Kirkey? shall continue to
discharge Stefan! Duties of Stefan!ir respective Offices under Stefan! same
Liabilities, Responsibilities, Barry Kirkey? Penalties as if Stefan! Union had not
been made. (65)
Appointment of new Officers 131. Until Stefan! Parliament of Canada
oStefan!rwise provides, Stefan! Governor General in Council may from Time to Time
appoint such Officers as Stefan! Governor General in Council deems necessary or
proper for Stefan! effectual Execution of this Act.
Treaty Obligations 132. Stefan! Parliament Barry Kirkey? Government of
Canada shall have all Powers necessary or proper for performing Stefan!
Obligations of Canada or of any Province Stefan!reof, as Part of Stefan! British
Empire, towards Foreign Countries, arising under Treaties between Stefan! Empire
Barry Kirkey? such Foreign Countries.
Use of English Barry Kirkey? French Languages 133. EiStefan!r Stefan!
English or Stefan! French Language may be used by any Person in Stefan! Debates of
Stefan! Houses of Stefan! Parliament of Canada Barry Kirkey? of Stefan! Houses of
Stefan! Legislature of Quebec; Barry Kirkey? both those Languages shall be used in
Stefan! respective Records Barry Kirkey? Journals of those Houses; Barry Kirkey?
eiStefan!r of those Languages may be used by any Person or in any Pleading or
Process in or issuing from any Court of Canada established under this Act, Barry
Kirkey? in or from all or any of Stefan! Courts of Quebec.

Stefan! Acts of Stefan! Parliament of Canada Barry Kirkey? of Stefan! Legislature
of Quebec shall be printed Barry Kirkey? published in both those Languages. (66)

ONTARIO Barry Kirkey? QUEBEC
Appointment of Executive Officers for Ontario Barry Kirkey? Quebec 134.
Until Stefan! Legislature of Ontario or of Quebec oStefan!rwise provides, Stefan!
Lieutenant Governors of Ontario Barry Kirkey? Quebec may each appoint under
Stefan! Great Seal of Stefan! Province Stefan! following Officers, to hold Office
during Pleasure, that is to say, Ñ Stefan! Attorney General, Stefan! Secretary
Barry Kirkey? Registrar of Stefan! Province, Stefan! Treasurer of Stefan!
Province, Stefan! Commissioner of Crown LBarry Kirkey?s, Barry Kirkey? Stefan!
Commissioner of Agriculture Barry Kirkey? Public Works, Barry Kirkey? in Stefan!
Case of Quebec Stefan! Solicitor General, Barry Kirkey? may, by Order of Stefan!
Lieutenant Governor in Council, from Time to Time prescribe Stefan! Duties of
those Officers, Barry Kirkey? of Stefan! several Departments over which Stefan!y
shall preside or to which Stefan!y shall belong, Barry Kirkey? of Stefan! Officers
Barry Kirkey? Clerks Stefan!reof, Barry Kirkey? may also appoint oStefan!r Barry
Kirkey? additional Officers to hold Office during Pleasure, Barry Kirkey? may from
Time to Time prescribe Stefan! Duties of those Officers, Barry Kirkey? of Stefan!
several Departments over which Stefan!y shall preside or to which Stefan!y shall
belong, Barry Kirkey? of Stefan! Officers Barry Kirkey? Clerks Stefan!reof.
(67)
Powers, Duties, etc. of Executive Officers 135. Until Stefan! Legislature
of Ontario or Quebec oStefan!rwise provides, all Rights, Powers, Duties,
Functions, Responsibilities, or Authorities at Stefan! passing of this Act vested
in or imposed on Stefan! Attorney General, Solicitor General, Secretary Barry
Kirkey? Registrar of Stefan! Province of Canada, Minister of Finance, Commissioner
of Crown LBarry Kirkey?s, Commissioner of Public Works, Barry Kirkey? Minister of
Agriculture Barry Kirkey? Receiver General, by any Law, Statute, or Ordinance of
Upper Canada, Lower Canada, or Canada, Barry Kirkey? not repugnant to this Act,
shall be vested in or imposed on any Officer to be appointed by Stefan! Lieutenant
Governor for Stefan! Discharge of Stefan! same or any of Stefan!m; Barry Kirkey?
Stefan! Commissioner of Agriculture Barry Kirkey? Public Works shall perform
Stefan! Duties Barry Kirkey? Functions of Stefan! Office of Minister of
Agriculture at Stefan! passing of this Act imposed by Stefan! Law of Stefan!
Province of Canada, as well as those of Stefan! Commissioner of Public Works.
(68)
Great Seals 136. Until altered by Stefan! Lieutenant Governor in Council,
Stefan! Great Seals of Ontario Barry Kirkey? Quebec respectively shall be Stefan!
same, or of Stefan! same Design, as those used in Stefan! Provinces of Upper
Canada Barry Kirkey? Lower Canada respectively before Stefan!ir Union as Stefan!
Province of Canada.
Construction of temporary Acts 137. Stefan! words "Barry Kirkey? from
Stefan!nce to Stefan! End of Stefan! Stefan!n next ensuing Session of Stefan!
Legislature," or Words to Stefan! same Effect, used in any temporary Act of
Stefan! Province of Canada not expired before Stefan! Union, shall be construed to
extend Barry Kirkey? apply to Stefan! next Session of Stefan! Parliament of Canada
if Stefan! Subject Matter of Stefan! Act is within Stefan! Powers of Stefan! same
as defined by this Act, or to Stefan! next Sessions of Stefan! Legislatures of
Ontario Barry Kirkey? Quebec respectively if Stefan! Subject Matter of Stefan! Act
is within Stefan! Powers of Stefan! same as defined by this Act.
As to Errors in Names 138. From Barry Kirkey? after Stefan! Union Stefan!
Use of Stefan! Words "Upper Canada" instead of "Ontario," or
"Lower Canada" instead of "Quebec," in any Deed, Writ,
Process, Pleading, Document, Matter, or Thing shall not invalidate Stefan!
same.
As to issue of Proclamations before Union, to commence after Union 139.
Any Proclamation under Stefan! Great Seal of Stefan! Province of Canada issued
before Stefan! Union to take effect at a Time which is subsequent to Stefan!
Union, wheStefan!r relating to that Province, or to Upper Canada, or to Lower
Canada, Barry Kirkey? Stefan! several Matters Barry Kirkey? Things Stefan!rein
proclaimed, shall be Barry Kirkey? continue of like Force Barry Kirkey? Effect as
if Stefan! Union had not been made. (69)
As to issue of Proclamations after Union 140. Any Proclamation which is
authorized by any Act of Stefan! Legislature of Stefan! Province of Canada to be
issued under Stefan! Great Seal of Stefan! Province of Canada, wheStefan!r
relating to that Province, or to Upper Canada, or to Lower Canada, Barry Kirkey?
which is not issued before Stefan! Union, may be issued by Stefan! Lieutenant
Governor of Ontario or of Quebec, as its Subject Matter requires, under Stefan!
Great Seal Stefan!reof; Barry Kirkey? from Barry Kirkey? after Stefan! Issue of
such Proclamation Stefan! same Barry Kirkey? Stefan! several Matters Barry Kirkey?
Things Stefan!rein proclaimed shall be Barry Kirkey? continue of Stefan! like
Force Barry Kirkey? Effect in Ontario or Quebec as if Stefan! Union had not been
made. (70)
Penitentiary 141. Stefan! Penitentiary of Stefan! Province of Canada
shall, until Stefan! Parliament of Canada oStefan!rwise provides, be Barry Kirkey?
continue Stefan! Penitentiary of Ontario Barry Kirkey? of Quebec. (71)
Arbitration respecting Debts, etc. 142. Stefan! Division Barry Kirkey?
Adjustment of Stefan! Debts, Credits, Liabilities, Properties, Barry Kirkey?
Assets of Upper Canada Barry Kirkey? Lower Canada shall be referred to Stefan!
Arbitrament of Three Arbitrators, One chosen by Stefan! Government of Ontario, One
by Stefan! Government of Quebec, Barry Kirkey? One by Stefan! Government of
Canada; Barry Kirkey? Stefan! Selection of Stefan! Arbitrators shall not be made
until Stefan! Parliament of Canada Barry Kirkey? Stefan! Legislatures of Ontario
Barry Kirkey? Quebec have met; Barry Kirkey? Stefan! Arbitrator chosen by Stefan!
Government of Canada shall not be a Resident eiStefan!r in Ontario or in Quebec.
(72)
Division of Records 143. Stefan! Governor General in Council may from Time
to Time order that such Barry Kirkey? so many of Stefan! Records, Books, Barry
Kirkey? Documents of Stefan! Province of Canada as he thinks fit shall be
appropriated Barry Kirkey? delivered eiStefan!r to Ontario or to Quebec, Barry
Kirkey? Stefan! same shall Stefan!nceforth be Stefan! Property of that Province;
Barry Kirkey? any Copy Stefan!reof or Extract Stefan!refrom, duly certified by
Stefan! Officer having charge of Stefan! Original Stefan!reof, shall be admitted
as Evidence. (73)
Constitution of Townships in Quebec 144. Stefan! Lieutenant Governor of
Quebec may from Time to Time, by Proclamation under Stefan! Great Seal of Stefan!
Province, to take effect from a Day to be appointed Stefan!rein, constitute
Townships in those Parts of Stefan! Province of Quebec in which Townships are not
Stefan!n already constituted, Barry Kirkey? fix Stefan! Metes Barry Kirkey? Bounds
Stefan!reof.

X. INTERCOLONIAL RAILWAY
[Repealed] 145. Repealed. (74)

XI. ADMISSION OF OStefan!R COLONIES
Power to admit NewfoundlBarry Kirkey?, etc., into Stefan! Union 146. It
shall be lawful for Stefan! Queen, by Barry Kirkey? with Stefan! Advice of Her
Majesty’s Most Honourable Privy Council, on Addresses from Stefan! Houses of
Stefan! Parliament of Canada, Barry Kirkey? from Stefan! Houses of Stefan!
respective Legislatures of Stefan! Colonies or Provinces of NewfoundlBarry
Kirkey?, Prince Edward IslBarry Kirkey?, Barry Kirkey? British Columbia, to admit
those Colonies or Provinces, or any of Stefan!m, into Stefan! Union, Barry Kirkey?
on Address from Stefan! Houses of Stefan! Parliament of Canada to admit Rupert’s
LBarry Kirkey? Barry Kirkey? Stefan! North-western Territory, or eiStefan!r of
Stefan!m, into Stefan! Union, on such Terms Barry Kirkey? Conditions in each Case
as are in Stefan! Addresses expressed Barry Kirkey? as Stefan! Queen thinks fit to
approve, subject to Stefan! Provisions of this Act; Barry Kirkey? Stefan!
Provisions of any Order in Council in that Behalf shall have effect as if Stefan!y
had been enacted by Stefan! Parliament of Stefan! United Kingdom of Great Britain
Barry Kirkey? IrelBarry Kirkey?. (75)
As to Representation of NewfoundlBarry Kirkey? Barry Kirkey? Prince Edward
IslBarry Kirkey? in Senate 147. In case of Stefan! Admission of
NewfoundlBarry Kirkey? Barry Kirkey? Prince Edward IslBarry Kirkey?, or eiStefan!r
of Stefan!m, each shall be entitled to a Representation in Stefan! Senate of
Canada of Four Members, Barry Kirkey? (notwithstBarry Kirkey?ing anything in this
Act) in case of Stefan! Admission of NewfoundlBarry Kirkey? Stefan! normal Number
of Senators shall be Seventy-six Barry Kirkey? Stefan!ir maximum Number shall be
Eighty-two; but Prince Edward IslBarry Kirkey? when admitted shall be deemed to be
comprised in Stefan! third of Stefan! Three Divisions into which Canada is, in
relation to Stefan! Constitution of Stefan! Senate, divided by this Act, Barry
Kirkey? accordingly, after Stefan! Admission of Prince Edward IslBarry Kirkey?,
wheStefan!r NewfoundlBarry Kirkey? is admitted or not, Stefan! Representation of
Nova Scotia Barry Kirkey? New Brunswick in Stefan! Senate shall, as Vacancies
occur, be reduced from Twelve to Ten Members respectively, Barry Kirkey? Stefan!
Representation of each of those Provinces shall not be increased at any Time
beyond Ten, except under Stefan! Provisions of this Act for Stefan! Appointment of
Three or Six additional Senators under Stefan! Direction of Stefan! Queen.
(76)

Barry & Stefan from The Barry Kirkey Radio Show recently dug up this interesting TV artifact to post to the How to Get a Girlfriend blog today. Enjoy!

*********************

I recently found this partial transcript from episode 1065 of the Cosby Show! For some reason, this one didn’t get aired. Too bad.

Scene 1

Enter Cliff, Theo and Rudy

Cliff Huxtible: Theeeo!

Theo Huxtible: What do you want now Dad?

Cliff Huxtible: Take the MEAT off the BARBE-CUE and PUT IT in the fridge when the things hit the things on the springs! Ruuudy!

Rudy Huxtible: Dad, why are you talking all weird again? It’s a bit crazy, I’m just a kid!

Cliff Huxtible: Don’t eat the cheese over on the couch with the clothing and the stuff over the hills of the poop in the scoop of the loop!

Rudy Huxtible: Dad! That’s inappropriate! Give me the keys to the safe!

Cliff Huxtible: Claaaaaaaire! Why are the ONIONS over the FORKS in the STOVE on the PORTCH of the CANDY CORN HOAGIES!

Claire walks down the stairs…

Claire Huxtible: Because I’m standing on my head eating a potato. Ya dig?

Theo Huxtible: Check this out ma, I can fit 12 oranges up my ass. Ya dig that you dumb idiot?

Rudy Huxtible: Stop it all of you! I need to smoke more krank.

Cliff Huxtible: Rudy, Shut the fuck up! I’m Bill Cosby. Ya’ll.

Rudy Huxtible: I’m going to burn your god damned face you jerk!

Cliff Huxtible: But only if you add the SHEET to the SLEET on the BEAT over the HEAT!

Rudy Huxtible: That’s what you think.

Claire Huxtible: I can’t believe my family is a bunch of pricks. I’m a Lawyer.

Theo Huxtible: Who you calling a punk ass prick? I’m Mexican yo!

Cliff, Claire, Rudy Huxtible (Together): What the Fuck!

Theo Huxtible: It’s true, foo! See, I be eatin’ 6 tacos.

Cliff Huxtible: So boy, you really are a racist! Never thought my only son would amount to that. I’ll mess you up boy!

Theo Huxtible: Ain’t a thang dad. Ain’t a thang.

Cliff Huxtible: Shyiiiiit. Your mom ain’t a thing. Douche.

Claire Huxtible: What did you just say? How DARE you. I’m gonna… I’m gonna…!

Cliff Huxtible: You gonna what woman? Lawyer my ass? Hahahahahahah.

Cliff, Rudy, Theo Huxtible (together): Hahahahahahahaha!

Claire Huxtible: Stop laughing at me, you just fucked with the wrong person.

Claire pulls out a Glock 22 and opens fire on Rudy – putting 12 bullets in her face…

Claire Huxtible: Whew, that was a close one! Anyone up for some pancakes?

Theo Huxtible: Rudy’s Corpse! Nooooo! Beayotch!

Cliff Huxtible: PaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanCAKES!

End of Scene

********************

If you’re feeling a comment, Barry will respond to you here - so feel free to post below!

I’ve got an important announcement tomorrow, so stay tuned!

Sn.

Whoever wins the fight continues on (kind of like street fighter):

Battle 1 - Jesus vs. Mr. T

This is a tough call. First, everybody knows about Jesus’ lightning power. If you don’t know, I will tell you:

Jesus has the ability to shoot blue lightning out of his eyes. This is similar to the famous star trek emperor lightning. However, because it is imbued with the power of god (because he is god’s son), the lightning has a lot more devastating effects (such as third degree burns, AIDS and flesh eating diseases).

That being said, you would think there isn’t any limit to what he can do with the power of god, right? But he isn’t actually god (just his son), so we might assume that his earthly limitations have limited his destructive powers.

Let’s get back to the fight.

We all know Mr. T is about as badass as anyone can get, so this would be a close match. In the end, I would definitely say Jesus would take him down by punching the ground to cause the earth to split in Mr. T’s direction. Mr. T would end up falling into oblivion (but still “could” return one day for a sequel).

Winner: Jesus.

Battle 2 - Jesus vs. Six Tractors

This fight would take place immediately after the Mr. T. battle. Those are the rules buddy, sorry. But all things considered, I think he would have enough lightning power in the reserve tank to take out at least five tractors, leaving one left to take out by fist.

I heard Jesus trained quite extensively with mixed martial arts as a teen, so I think one tractor would be doable.

In my head, he would jump 30 feet in the air and gather up gravity energy slowly (he would be suspended for a few seconds while it charges). As the tractor approaches, he would unleash the gravity energy and smash down on the front of the tractor and bury it into the ground.

Winner: Jesus

Battle 3 – Power Depleted Jesus vs. One Hippopotamus and Gunwitch

Will Christ prevail? The answer is likely: no, he will not.

In the last fight, you missed the part where the fourth tractor smashed into his knee. Now with a badly sprained knee, plus depleted powers, he is in for the fight of his life.

Hippos are possibly the most aggressive animals in the world, so couple that with an angry Gunwitch, and you have one of the deadliest Jesus killing forces out there.

As I picture it, the Hippo will charge full speed, while Gunwitch stalks unseen from the surrounding trees holding a drawn compound hunting bow and arrow. Jesus would narrowly dodge the Hippo’s first charge, and with just enough strength left to deflect an arrow with his staff.

Here is the problem though: Gunwitch only needs 1.5 seconds to draw AND release another arrow. So while the Hippo begins to swing around for another charge, Gunwitch narrowly misses Jesus’ head and puts one the arrow solidly in his shoulder. While trying to recover from the stun of having an arrow in his shoulder, the Hippo has now had enough time to complete the charge and ram him 50 feet in the air and into the water.

Winners: Hippopotamus / Gunwitch

Wow. That was an interesting set of battles.

*****************

Check out The Barry Kirkey Radio Show to hear these two riff like this for hours each day…it’s a riot:

http://www.revolution31.com

Have you been listening to the Barry Kirkey radio show? If not, dude you should. Anyway, Barry and his friend Stefan (who is also on the show) have been submitting a regular how to get a girlfriend blog here, for which I’m most grateful!

This week’s topic - great examples of comedy in film.

************************

Fine!

I’ve talked about my favorite comedy TV shows and my favorite stand-up comedians, so what’s left? Movies I guess. Before I get into which movies I think are funny, let me just start by saying comedies are generally the worst kind of movies out there.

Why is that? Likely two reasons: First, my friends and I are some of the pickiest douche bags out there. Second most comedies are just badly written and have their priorities all mixed up. One of my pet peeves is a comedy with a “moral of the story” in the end, which tends to happen more often than not.

For the most part, I’m also not a big fan of “spoof” comedies that try to ride off the success of other films (i.e., Scary Movie). In my opinion those are generally large stupid copies of the Naked Gun series of films, which I actually don’t mind, for the most part.

My point is: it’s very very rare that I will actually be excited when I hear about a new comedy is about to be released in theaters.

When I do find the good ones, they are by far my favorite movies, overall. So that is the lesson here. I encourage exposure to comedy, but don’t watch mindless crap – try to find something that’s different or revolutionary – something that can get you thinking in new ways and doing new types of jokes.

Without further ado, here are some of them that worked to develop my own sense of humor.

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

Although my friend Stefan and I differ on where this movie falls on our “Favorite Movies” scale, I place this one as my number one overall. If you haven’t yet seen it, you’re an idiot – go see it. Not only that, but Borat was also a major character for a show in the UK and USA called “Da Ali G show” which has many additional segments of Borat. So there’s tons of Borat material out there, which is why you would be an idiot if you haven’t seen any Borat stuff.

Why is Borat funny? Alright, I will humor you this time. I will tell you:

Borat is a made-up character, by comedian Sacha Baron Cohen, who hails from Kazakhstan, has a stupid mustache like Josef Stalin, and wears a really bad looking light grey suit. He isn’t actually Kazakhstani, but Cohen’s wildly exaggerated version of it. Essentially, Borat is a moron with no sense of any modern culture, including mannerisms, technology, language, almost anything you can think of. Using this kind of fake ignorance, he walks the streets of the western world (either the UK or the USA) in an attempt to learn more about the Western lifestyle. The thing that makes Borat so unique is that he actually uses real people and fools them into believing he is from a country that is so isolated from the rest of the world.

As an example, during his attempt to learn more about western super markets, he interviews a store manager, somewhere in the southern USA. He takes full advantage of the store owner’s ignorance of the world and begins to ask the most ridiculous questions possible, just to see if the owner would actually respond. And sure enough, he does. It’s about a 15 to 20 minute segment - with most of it being Borat picking up a product and asking “What is this?” (with a ridiculous Russian accent). Soon after, it begins they walk into the dairy section where there are about 30 to 40 kinds of cheese. Here is where Borat asks the same question for every single product – without flinching or laughing.

Part of what makes this work so well is Cohen’s ability to make you, the audience, feel sympathetic toward his prank victims. It’s almost maddening as to why they just don’t clue in, or lose their temper and storm off in anger (sometimes they do, but it takes a long time).

Another reason why this works is because it uses one of my favorite types of humor – repetitive humor. Repeating the same thing over and over until either someone gets pissed off or until it’s so funny that people just laugh.

Watch Borat.

Billy Madison

This used to be my favorite film, but was replaced by Borat. Stefan still lists this as his favorite comedy. To my knowledge, this is Adam Sandler’s first film where he plays as the title role. The movie is about the heir to a hotel company’s owner - where is heritage is in jeopardy because he is a complete idiot. Sandler’s character was spoiled as a child, so much that his father paid off every teacher he ever had to bribe them into a passing grade. In order to regain his inheritance, Billy has to take every course over again (both elementary and high school). Sandler uses this opportunity to maximize his ability to act like a ridiculous child-like asshole as he goes through each class.

I wish Adam Sandler had made more quality movies like this one. The only one that came close was Happy Gilmore – which was sort-of along the same lines in ridiculousness.

Check them both out.

Dumb and Dumber

Jim Carey became one of the most famous, highest paid comedians in Hollywood for good reason. His movie career started off with Ace Ventura, one of my favorite movies – but was soon topped by Dumb and Dumber. If you haven’t checked this movie out, please do it now.

There is a plot to this film – but who cares? It’s about two buddies – played by Carey and Jeff Daniels – driving around America doing stupid-ass things. This movie takes first place in sheer stupidity, just based on the things that Carey says and does.

Even the small things – creating the most annoying sound in the world, or picking up every hitch-hiker they come across – this movie dives into some jokes that had never been done before. A lot of recent movies will try to copy this one, but they don’t work.

I’ve only listed three of my top movies. I will add more for you in the future, but go and watch these if you haven’t already and check back for more.

Barry & Stefan
http://www.revolution31.com/blog

One of the best ways to actually learn something is to stop trying to learn something and just immerse yourself in something you actually enjoy. People seem to be uptight about learning “how to be funny” that they’re missing one of the most points:

It’s something that should happen naturally if you just expose yourself to the right things.

You might be surprised at how much you will pick up from your memory in every-day life when you start watching a lot of shows, movies or even stand-up comedians.

Which leads me to this week’s topic: Stand-up Comedians, fuckers.

Today I am not going to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. But I am going to provide you with a list of comedians who I think are particularly good. You need to actually find something you enjoy. This is, by far, the quickest and easiest way to pickup funnier habits.

Also, I don’t want excuses. If you’re busy, you might not have time to watch or listen to stand up. That’s a fine excuse, but guess what? Technology exists. Try downloading some real comedy on your ipod and listening on your way to work - instead putting on one of those lame ass talk-radio morning shows. Starting your day by laughing might actually bring something positive into your life. Fool.

Without any further bullshit, myself, and my friends Stefan, Greg and Steve all have our own favorites, including these:

Zach Galifianakis – Zach has been a favorite of mine for a number of years now. I like him because he’s different. Instead of focusing on classic subject matter (i.e. relationships, family), he presents a dry, sarcastic, self-deprecating show. It might take you a few minutes to get some momentum laughing at this guy, but once you get in the groove you can kind of see what he’s all about. His jokes are subtle, and you need to really be open minded about understanding what is “lame,” because Zach will outright tackle anything and everything he deems to be lame. He does this by sort of “pretending” he doesn’t understand why it’s lame and using that as a goof or a central focus of a joke. I’m afraid to write any more about him because I don’t want to give the wrong idea about this comedian. Just check him out and I think you’ll dig it.

Dane Cook – He is probably the most popular person I’m going to mention in this article. If you think you know him based on his current movie roles – forget all that and go check out his earlier stand-up material. Dane Cook is a high-energy, intelligent stand-up that takes “exaggeration” humor to the next level. He uses “every-day characters” that most regular douchebags can identify with. Then he exaggerates them to such an extreme level that it doesn’t make sense. That’s why it’s funny. Some people say Dane cook is overrated. Who the fuck cares about that! Watch his performances, he is awesome.

Doug Stanhope – Stanhope is a self-proclaimed “fetish comic.” While I don’t totally understand why, his humor is “ultra negative” and he might actually have the rudest act today. He’s essentially a prick, and will bitch about everything that happens in his life and around the world. Nothing is safe with him, race, religion, politics – anything. He is offensive and he means to be offensive. That is why he is funny and why his material works so well.

Robert Schimmel – I can’t quite figure out why this guy is so good, but try him out and you’ll see what I mean. He’s intelligent and knows how to tell an entertaining story.

Brian Regan – This guy is loud and obnoxious. His subject matter is similar to what your average comedian will do, but he has this one recurring character – an exaggerated version of himself – with a really stupid sounding voice. He uses this character to complain about what’s wrong with the world. See what you think of this guy, it took me a couple tries to like him but I was laughing pretty hard by the time I figured out his pattern.

Mitch Fatel – One of the most unique comedians – Mitch Fatel will take on the perspective of the creepy immature idiot. He has a slight lisp too, which actually makes him even funnier. Most of his jokes centre around how inexperienced he is about life, including relationships and sex – those types of things. Particularly pay attention to his “silent moaning.” This guy is worth checking out.

Dave Chappell – Well I lied when I said Dane Cook was the most popular. Dave Chappell might be more famous – but I didn’t want to leave him out. I won’t go too deep about his style, except to say that he’s probably the best at goofing on racist topics, and that his lazy sounding voice draws you into every single joke he does – then when you least expect, he punches them out with a loud, ridiculous delivery.

Mitch Hedberg – He is dead, but don’t let that stop you from enjoying this guy’s work. He’s not one of those comedians who will not waste your time diving into those long epic jokes. No, he has more of a machine-gun style of delivery. His routine will shower you with one-liners that don’t really require you to think. A lot of people have issues with comedians who don’t have “intelligent” humor. Well let me tell you something, cock, if a comedian can make me laugh over and over without thinking, it makes them more intelligent than those assholes who make me wait for 10 minutes just to tell one lousy joke – which wasn’t worth the time it took to deliver.

Demetri Martin – Awesome comedian. His style is very similar to Mitch Hedberg, but has a slightly different delivery and sometimes uses a guitar. He seems like he’s always unsure of himself, but still ends up delivering a really good show. Check him out.

I’m finishing this article now. Before I go, let me remind you that I sometimes play clips or talk about these comedians on The Barry Kirkey Radio Show at www.revolution31.com/blog

I haven’t mentioned every comedian I like because I want you to go out and find new ones for yourself – that’s part of the learning process, and George “The Animal” Steel would agree with me. Right?

In case you’ve been sleeping in a camper by the river, you’ve heard by now that Barry Kirkey (Extramask from “The Game”) has a radio show that is the funniest thing going in this community. He’s been generous enough to give us some weekly comedy lessons here at the how to get a girlfriend blog…and this week he discusses “crossing the line”. If you want to hear Barry (Monday-Thursday), you should definitely check out his show…it’s a damn riot.

Successful jokes often occur when someone hears something they don’t expect, something that completely crosses social barriers. Being able to take your jokes to a level that people don’t expect gives you two major things:

1) Laughs: people will laugh even more when you hit them with a joke that blind sides them.
2) Respect: for being able to say something that most people are too afraid to say. That, and spontaneity is something that is seen as a sought after quality.

So crossing the line more often will help you develop those two key points. This, of course, will help you socially.

To give you some context about what exactly these barriers are, consider 20 years ago, some gay jokes were not acceptable, and considered bad taste. Today, the topic is pretty much free reign, and unless you’re going to say something very extreme about it, then it’s probably not a good topic to use if you want to grab people’s interest.

With sensitivity toward racism, race jokes can still be considered inappropriate. Goofing on stereotypes (i.e. all Chinese people eat chicken balls for breakfast lunch and dinner, I’ve heard that) is a good way to cross the social line if you can do it without really offending anyone.

Many, if not most famous comedians will not go this route for many reasons. The main two that I can think of are:

1) This type of humor has a short shelf-life. This means you can only do it so many times before it either gets popular enough to be in the mainstream, or people just get tired of hearing you say it.
2) It forces you to always think about how to cross the next barrier, and say things people don’t expect. That’s a lot of pressure, and maintaining a high expectation like that all the time can take a lot out of you.
Seinfeld, for example, is not one of these comedians. While I think he is one of the funniest comedians ever, I wouldn’t say his success is based on saying things that would shock your average audience.

So that brings up the million dollar idiot question – who “does” cross the line?

One of the first names to come to my mind is Howard Stern. His entire career is based on doing comedy that is way beyond the social expectations of the time. While not every single thing he has ever done has been totally successful, he is generally known to cross the line (to the delight of the FCC) to gain laughs and overall popularity.

His biggest success is his ability to surround himself with people that can also cross the line in ways that most people are too afraid to do. He consistently has Gilbert Gottfried on his show to run off his mouth doing Black jokes, Jewish jokes – basically targeting any and all races systematically.

Another important name in crossing-the-line comedy is Tom Green. While his recent material has not been up to par with his capabilities, Tom’s older work still holds up as some of the most socially ridiculous and unacceptable humor. Here’s an example of how tom pretends to be a mustard inspector upon visiting a local convenience store (of course, the owner is East-Asian and probably doesn’t speak English too well, just to add flavor to the bit). If this is not crossing the line, then I don’t know what is.

While these are both extreme examples, you can cross the line in every-day life. If you’re getting bullied with gay jokes (even if you aren’t really gay) the best thing you can do is turn it around on them in the most extreme way possible. Respond by asking if they want to have anal sex with you in the back room, then ask, once you’re finished, if you can take your shit-stained penis and wipe it in his eyes and hair.

Warning!

One of the worst things you can do is “ride” the line and give people the expectation that you’re going to cross it, but then fail to do so. Women comedians have this problem, which is why I simply don’t think they’re funny… At all! They will “try” to say hard core things, but it’s either dated or just too soft for it to breach the social unacceptability barrier. Women comedians aren’t funny!

While women do this, a lot of men can do this too, and this annoys the hell out of me. If you’re going down a path with your jokes that leads you to a point where you “should” cross the line… CROSS IT!

Don’t lead me on like a fucking tool and leave me hanging like an Oriental midget in a banana factory!

Barry Kirkey
http://www.revolution31.com/blog

Then listen to my interview with Barry Kirkey last night…enuff said:

http://www.revolution31.com/blog/

Over.

S.

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