No, I’m not talking about the “full monty” on the first date.

Haha - just writing “full monty” makes me remember Mystery - as that is what he always called the close.

No, what I want to quickly write here on a rainy NY Monday is all about How To Have An AWESOME First Date…

Someone recently posted on my How To Get A Girlfriend Squidoo Page that they’d like more date ideas.

It’s hard to really know why it is that so many of us struggle with coming up with original and interesting ideas for activities and locations for where to take women for a night out. How many guys out there have consistently fallen back on the “Dinner & a Movie” idea?

Probably most, if not ALL of you.

So, what I wanted to do with this post was to give you one of my favorite date ideas, break down why it is so very good, and then toss the ball to the guys reading the blog out there for your ideas - as I am sure some of you have developed good ones yourself.

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Hi there -

Got an interesting mailbag the other day, and thought to convert it into an article, as it highlights some principles I enjoy teaching.

Now, let me preface this discussion by saying this – the GOAL (in some respects) of getting GOOD with women is to never hear the following phrase:

“Let’s Just Be Friends…”

Makes me gag just to type it.

BUT – there are times when it happens…and there is very little we can do about it.

Very little? So, that means there is something we CAN do about it?

YES.

I’ll let my friend Gene pose his question/experience…and I’ll be back in just a moment with some feedback.

“I had a question from a dating experience I had over the last month I wanted to ask you about.

Gene”

Gene –

Good question (Pear-shaped? Can anyone explain?).

Here’s what I would do:

1) Definitely date other women

…that’s a no brainer for sure.

This way, you get your mind off of her and begin to see the other options that are out there. This automatically helps you reclaim some power that this other girl now holds over you.

Waiting for her in ANY form is destructive to your self-esteem. When things are “right” for a relationship, nothing can keep the two of you apart, and after four dates it is “legal” for both parties to call each other with no prompting.

So, we can safely assume here that “friends” is the road…and that there is no other for now.

However, being friends with women is a GOOD thing…

It gives you a woman that is now in your social circle with whom you can socialize…making it easier to meet OTHER women (her friends, for example).

2) Begin to “lead” your social circle (re-read that part of the ebook)

So, organize outings; explore a new neighborhood; check out a new restaurant/venue; do something off-beat, cultural or otherwise adventurous…all with your “crew”.

Be sure to invite the girl in question. Just put her in the rotation of friends you ask to do stuff with.

What happens here is that she begins to see that you are serious about being “friends” and that you aren’t needy for her attention.

This will help deflate whatever bad/wierd feelings remain from the old dating scenario and will help you two “start over”, so to speak…

If there is any real chemistry/connection there, that will take over and something natural can then happen.

I’ve seen plenty of examples where a guy just laid back and opened himself to the “friends” scenario…and guess what? Once he relaxed, she got INTERESTED.

One nice thing about leading your social circle is that by being in the eye of the storm, you become the “high value” person in the group.

If a single woman is along, you instantly become the best option.

Oh, and if there are new women along…they will subconsciously seek your approval when in the pilot position. They’ll be looking to be accepted by the group, and it’s your opinion that matters.

Feel free to bring new women that you are dating along on the outing. A little jealousy plotline never hurts, and it shows her that you’ve truly moved on.

Plus, she might have some cool female friends to bring along…a great way to meet new women.

Clear?

Oh, and one VERY important final word…

Never ever ever give a gift or pay for an expensive meal with a woman that you aren’t SERIOUSLY involved with (you’ve had sex, for example).

Otherwise, it comes across as needy & insecure…let that be clear to everyone reading this.

Over ‘n out…

Stephen.

Hey man -

We get the NY Times daily here, and I was just taking a break over some coffee and stumbled across a VERY intriguing article in the Science section.

I’ve been hearing a lot about EHarmony, and their way of working - which basically entails (if I am reading this correctly) filling in a 250+ question personality profile and then THEY set you up with “matches”…and you don’t get to browse…am I right?

I’d LOVE to hear from guys who have tried this and seen/not seen results.

Anyone?

The article follows btw. But, I’m highly skeptical of these personality profiles.

I guess I am a bit “old school” and think it’s unlikely that a thought-out questionnaire could indicate potential chemistry between people. It seems so much more about feeling/emotion and type etc.

Chemistry can’t be quantified, in other words.

EHarmony claims to be responsible for 2% of all marriages last year…HARD to believe frankly. They hired a firm to do their research for them. Seems sort of like a candidate hiring someone to do straw polls.

Well, I’d love to hear from you with your feedback - particularly if you’ve done EHarmony or any of the other personality tests they mention here: chemistry.com (apparently you send in a swab of your DNA!), perfectmatch.com & eharmony.com.

Oh, and if you’re interested in getting REALLY GOOD at internet dating, check out what David D has to say about it here:

David D’s Online Dating Program

Now, here’s the article:

By JOHN TIERNEY
Published: January 29, 2008

PASADENA, Calif. — The two students in Southern California had just been introduced during an experiment to test their “interpersonal chemistry.” The man, a graduate student, dutifully asked the undergraduate woman what her major was.

“Spanish and sociology,” she said.

“Interesting,” he said. ‘‘I was a sociology major. What are you going to do with that?”

“You are just full of questions.”

“It’s true.”

“My passion has always been Spanish, the language, the culture. I love traveling and knowing new cultures and places.”

Bogart and Bacall it was not. But Gian Gonzaga, a social psychologist, could see possibilities for this couple as he watched their recorded chat on a television screen.

They were nodding and smiling in unison, and the woman stroked her hair and briefly licked her lips — positive signs of chemistry that would be duly recorded in this experiment at the new eHarmony Labs here. By comparing these results with the couple’s answers to hundreds of other questions, the researchers hoped to draw closer to a new and extremely lucrative grail — making the right match.

Once upon a time, finding a mate was considered too important to be entrusted to people under the influence of raging hormones. Their parents, sometimes assisted by astrologers and matchmakers, supervised courtship until customs changed in the West because of what was called the Romeo and Juliet revolution. Grown-ups, leave the kids alone.

But now some social scientists have rediscovered the appeal of adult supervision — provided the adults have doctorates and vast caches of psychometric data. Online matchmaking has become a boom industry as rival scientists test their algorithms for finding love.

The leading yenta is eHarmony, which pioneered the don’t-try-this-yourself approach eight years ago by refusing to let its online customers browse for their own dates. It requires them to answer a 258-question personality test and then picks potential partners. The company estimates, based on a national Harris survey it commissioned, that its matchmaking was responsible for about 2 percent of the marriages in America last year, nearly 120 weddings a day.

Another company, Perfectmatch.com, is using an algorithm designed by Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist at the University of Washington at Seattle. Match.com, which became the largest online dating service by letting people find their own partners, set up a new matchmaking service, Chemistry.com, using an algorithm created by Helen E. Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers who has studied the neural chemistry of people in love.

As the matchmakers compete for customers — and denigrate each other’s methodology — the battle has intrigued academic researchers who study the mating game. On the one hand, they are skeptical, because the algorithms and the results have not been published for peer review. But they also realize that these online companies give scientists a remarkable opportunity to gather enormous amounts of data and test their theories in the field. EHarmony says more than 19 million people have filled out its questionnaire.

Its algorithm was developed a decade ago by Galen Buckwalter, a psychologist who had previously been a research professor at the University of Southern California. Drawing on previous evidence that personality similarities predict happiness in a relationship, he administered hundreds of personality questions to 5,000 married couples and correlated the answers with the couples’ marital happiness, as measured by an existing instrument called the dyadic adjustment scale.

The result was an algorithm that is supposed to match people on 29 “core traits,” like social style or emotional temperament, and “vital attributes” like relationship skills. (For details: nytimes.com/tierneylab.)

“We’re not looking for clones, but our models emphasize similarities in personality and in values,” Dr. Buckwalter said. “It’s fairly common that differences can initially be appealing, but they’re not so cute after two years. If you have someone who’s Type A and real hard charging, put them with someone else like that. It’s just much easier for people to relate if they don’t have to negotiate all these differences.”

Does this method actually work? In theory, thanks to its millions of customers and their fees (up to $60 a month), eHarmony has the data and resources to conduct cutting-edge research. It has an advisory board of prominent social scientists and a new laboratory with researchers lured from academia like Dr. Gonzaga, who previously worked at a marriage-research lab at U.C.L.A.

So far, except for a presentation at a psychologists’ conference, the company has not produced much scientific evidence that its system works. It has started a longitudinal study comparing eHarmony couples with a control group, and Dr. Buckwalter says it is committed to publishing peer-reviewed research, but not the details of its algorithm. That secrecy may be a smart business move, but it makes eHarmony a target for scientific critics, not to mention its rivals.

In the battle of the matchmakers, Chemistry.com has been running commercials faulting eHarmony for refusing to match gay couples (eHarmony says it can’t because its algorithm is based on data from heterosexuals), and eHarmony asked the Better Business Bureau to stop Chemistry.com from claiming its algorithm had been scientifically validated. The bureau concurred that there was not enough evidence, and Chemistry.com agreed to stop advertising that Dr. Fisher’s method was based on “the latest science of attraction.”

Dr. Fisher now says the ruling against her last year made sense because her algorithm at that time was still a work in progress as she correlated sociological and psychological measures, as well as indicators linked to chemical systems in the brain. But now, she said, she has the evidence from Chemistry.com users to validate the method, and she plans to publish it along with the details of the algorithm.

“I believe in transparency,” she said, taking a dig at eHarmony. “I want to share my data so that I will get peer review.”

Until outside scientists have a good look at the numbers, no one can know how effective any of these algorithms are, but one thing is already clear. People aren’t so good at picking their own mates online. Researchers who studied online dating found that the customers typically ended up going out with fewer than 1 percent of the people whose profiles they studied, and that those dates often ended up being huge letdowns. The people make up impossible shopping lists for what they want in a partner, says Eli Finkel, a psychologist who studies dating at Northwestern University’s Relationships Lab.

“They think they know what they want,” Dr. Finkel said. “But meeting somebody who possesses the characteristics they claim are so important is much less inspiring than they would have predicted.”

The new matchmakers may or may not have the right formula. But their computers at least know better than to give you what you want.

Thoughts? Comments? Let em rip! Remember, what you contribute here will help your fellow brethren…so, do it for your karma!

Stephen.

Hey guys,

A rainy Tuesday in NYC calls for…a fun/nutso story from my archive…

During the Project Hollywood experiment, I was known as PlayboyLA, or just – Playboy (the name Neil used for me in “The Game”).

I used to work for a pick-up company, and the following is a lay-report from those times (posted on ASF). I was giving a program in NYC. This report takes place over a few days.

I’ve decided to post these sporadically (Tuesday’s until the end of the year), to give a sense of me when I was a PUA. I think they are interesting and fun to read. I also hope you can see from these what sort of skill level I’ve attained, and how seriously I take this area of my life.

Just so you understand the “code”, here are a few explanations before we start:

Read more »

Ever find yourself frustrated after finding a cute girl’s online profile, then sending her an email or two, only to NEVER hear from her?

Or, maybe you do hear from her, only then to arrange a date - and then she flakes?

The worst…BY FAR…is when you arrange the date, and she shows up, only to be NOTHING like what you expected?

Listen, I am a big advocate for internet dating. Particularly if you are just getting started with improving your dating life, or if you are seriously seeking women interested in a relationship. However, like with anything, there are lots of pitfalls that frustrate guys right out of ever trying to be successful with women online.

There IS though a REAL answer out there…

If you want to truly master this art, and AVOID the above scenarios from ever happening again - you will DEFINITELY want to own David DeAngelo’s “Meeting Women Online” program.

Most guys make numerous, SIMPLE, errors in their online dating profiles and emails to women which dramatically, INSTANTLY, lower your success. Women pay lots of attention to numerous details on your profile, and if you don’t have those handled, you will find yourself sending WAY more emails than you should, while getting very little in return.

These serve to lower their interest in you, causing them to never reply to your emails OR to flake out at the last minute! What makes this doubly frustrating is that this happens without her ever even MEETING you!

So much of being successful in online dating is about making minor adjustments to your profile, pictures, wording, and emails, to heighten your chances of success. But, do you know what changes you need to make, and HOW to make them?

Most of this revolves around knowing how to create and build sexual tension, with words - first in your profile, then in your emails…and how to build at the RIGHT time! So important to know WHEN to do WHAT in the online dating scene…

In order to really be successful in the online dating world, you owe it to yourself to invest in this product, and dramatically raise your chances of success. Stop playing a guessing game, and get the low-down from a group of experts.

Since I don’t make online dating a huge portion of my programs and products, I thought it best to refer you to someone who had taken the time to put their expertise into a comprehensive program.

If you haven’t yet tried online dating - what are you waiting for? It is a very simple way to meet a lot of women in a short period of time. Also, experience tells me (and plenty of others), that there is a high quality of women in the online scene, and most of them are serious about meeting men. I can’t urge you enough to dive in here, it’s tons of fun and you have a great chance of meeting some really cool women too. Plus, if you are looking for a meaningful interaction, it’s a MUCH better way of meeting women than bars and clubs.

Even if you consider yourself a pro at this, or if you are just getting started - David D’s Meeting Women Online program is a MUST have.

Read more about it from David D!

Have a great weekend guys…

Stephen Nash.

Ever had an urge to date someone you worked with?

If you have, then you are in the majority of those employed in this world. Seriously.

My parents met on a job. Years ago, my mom was hired at a Symphony in NC and they had organized a “welcome” drink for her after work. Well, only one person showed up - and he became my dad.

So, it would silly for me to say that we shouldn’t date at the workplace. But, I do think a very passive stance is necessary.

Just not as passive as Jim on “The Office” - right? Pam gave him IOI’s for YEARS it seems…

Anyway, on to this week’s mailbag question:

There was this new manager that joined our organization 2 months back. She’s easily a 7.5 on 10, and naturally attracted attention of all including our boss. She being my colleague got close to me and I had to be friendly to her and help her settle in as I was instructed by my boss to do so. Besides, before you, I had read only stuff from David DeAngelo and he’s not very upbeat about dating women from workplace. However, I admit its been extremely difficult to do so. Therefore, I have kept up my act on teasing her, although I have been unable to bust hard on her due to the circumstances surrounding me.

While I have been restrictive in my approach, on the other hand, my boss also seems to be reading similar materials (or perhaps it comes naturally to him). He busts on her, teases her, calls her a brat/kiddo. He gets the right mix of arrogance and funny in his demeanor. Being the boss, he obviously is rich too!

Now, where I connect your newsletter to this situation is that the boss I am mentioning here, is a smart, young man. He is passionate about his work and has is very ambitious and his performance speaks for himself. We can see the purpose of life in him as he has accumulated a lot of wealth in such a young age. According to your newsletter, men with passion and direction are magnets for women.

My question is that: No matter what I do, it will be difficult to match our boss’ personality (that I mentioned above). In your opinion, you think it’s worth competing or is it better to forfeit and move on?

Once again, I think your insights are very helpful and I would appreciate a response to my question.

Signed,
PC

Yo PC -

Thanks for your note. I really think there are TWO issues here for you to consider.

1) Dating in the workplace…how to do it in your situation, &
2) What is your purpose?

I’d be very laid back about this situation at work my friend. I have a hunch that the boss is being the boss here, as it is more inappropriate for a boss to go after staff than it is for staff to go after staff. But definitely stay out of trouble (if you want to keep your job) and don’t go into head to head competition with him ON COMPANY SOIL…OK?

Here’s what you do:

You might begin by organizing “drinks after work” with a number of people (not inviting the boss, of course) and be sure to invite the girl (duh). Outside of the work environment, talk to her, flirt with her, get to know her - and then see if there is any real chemistry. If so, feel free then to ask her out to do something with you, and only you, later on.

You see, the energy with a NEW employee is often very open and friendly as they are seeking acceptance into the workplace. So, give it some time too before you ask her out so you can learn more and more about your REAL chemistry.

Also, be sure to invite her to something you are already going to. You have to work gradually here. In other words, don’t ask her out on “a date”. But, tell her you’re going to a gallery opening/see a friend in a band/see some free lecture on global warming…whatever - and then invite her along.

If you spend time together, you will eventually learn of each other’s interests etc. If you have something in common, center your invite around this common interest. Then, it makes total sense for you to invite her to this.

Got that?

In summary - be cool, lay back, and play this one very passively. But, don’t be paralyzed either. Just do your thing smoothly…really important.

And, if you find out she slept with the boss last Friday night - MOVE ON!

Make sense?

To your second point, what exactly is your purpose? It is not necessary that it directly relate to work, per se. But, it does need to be identified. What is it? Do you know?

Once you do, you will notice a very profound shift in energy - in each and every social situation. Women will notice, trust me. In your case, again, it doesn’t necessarily need to be directly related to your JOB. What is important is that you discover it, and OWN it.

So, again, I ask you…

What is your purpose?

SN.

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with NOTHING to say?

Are you the kind of guy who ‘defaults’ into asking questions when the discussion dries up?

If so, I have the perfect solution for you…

Tell A STORY!

Storytelling is an age-old artform, but for our purposes I want to keep things simple…this is just an article, right?

With women, it is important that you tell a story in a way that captures and leads HER imagination, so that it brings her into your world…which is a nice place to be, right?

In “How To Get A Girlfriend” and “Natural Attraction” I cover this down to the minutest detail – even leading you through an exercise which helps you understand and MASTER this.

Men who are naturally successful with women almost always have a sincere interest in life, and in living it to the fullest.

I talk at length about passion, and its relevance to being attractive in the final chapter of “How To Get A Girlfriend”, but I will touch on it here as it relates to storytelling.

These “naturals” have a lot of activities going on, where they are able to test themselves, and grow as men.

Their life is interesting. It brings a lot of fascination and intrigue all because they have an open mind, and choose to explore it.

One way that this serves to help them in their lives with women is that they have interesting stories to tell. Women (and all people) are captivated by a good story. The best storytellers always fill their words and tales with drama, humor, passion, intrigue and mystery.

Next time you are at the beach, notice what kinds of books women are reading while they sunbathe. This summer, I seemed to see a lot of romance novels, as well as mystery and suspense novels.

Women are most often led by their emotional center, and when they find something (or someone) who understands how to communicate with them in an emotional way, they get interested.

What might be some topics to focus on when considering what stories to tell while in the presence of women? Here’s a list:

- Pop Culture
- Spirituality
- Emotionally charged memories & experiences
- Travel
- Adventure
- Humorous stories from your life

These topics are great because they are entertaining, exciting, funny and generate positive emotions. Also, the more interested you already are in a certain topic the better. This helps you to be enthusiastic when telling your story, a VERY necessary prerequisite for capturing someone’s attention.

If you have a natural interest in one of the above topics, it makes sense for you to want to share stories from your life that reflect this interest. Get that?

So, what are some ways that we can develop this skill called storytelling?

1) Pay attention (see the world around you, and develop an eye/ear for a good story)
2) Learn to communicate via emotions (as opposed to logic)
3) Live passionately

Let’s spend a BRIEF minute now with each of these topics.

Pay attention: People tend to sleep walk through their lives. Great poets seem to always highlight this when they discuss the smallest things, which most of us don’t see and appreciate. As you go through your life, pay attention to what you see.

Also, remember to paint the picture for someone. Get them involved by creating clear images of what is happening. Great storytellers are comfortable using their body, facial expressions and voice to illuminate the story.

This allows them to enter into that world, and have a similar experience of the story as you had when witnessing it. This strengthens the connection between the two of you, painting an attractive portrait of your world. Makes sense right?

Each day of your life is full of scenes, scenarios, and happenings that make for good stories.

Also, many men forget that women like it when we make fun of ourselves. It communicates that you are secure with yourself. If you can tell a funny story which pokes fun at yourself, illustrates that you are human and are comfortable with that, you will get great reactions from women – TRUST ME.

I want to emphasize the importance of paying attention to what is happening around you. This can help you in all areas of your life, not just in relating to women.

No one’s life is so boring, so lacking in humor, beauty and drama, as to prevent them from having any interesting stories to relate to others.

Here is an appropriate mindset: you find your life interesting, and the world fascinates you; you, naturally, wish to convey this to others as you are a very social guy; you want others to come into your world so you invite them in with a story.

Learn emotional communication: If women could hit us all over the heads, and in a flash change one thing about men, it would be that we are not in touch with our emotions.

In order to communicate emotionally, we first must be in contact with our own emotional lives. This means being open to how we are feeling, each and every moment. (Check out David Deida’s “Blue Truth” for more on this)

Emotional communication is where you speak in a way that creates emotions in the listener. The way to do this as a storyteller is to invite the senses and emotions into the story.

This means to recreate the images that you observed, and sounds and smells you experienced, and anything you physically felt as a result of the experience. You must do this with your words, conveying these words with feeling and emotion.

Men tend to be stoic, stiff, logical people, governed more by their intellect while women tend to be more emotional, centered in their feelings. The “natural” is not stiff; he is relaxed and unafraid to convey emotions.

He relates a story from his life with real feeling and he sympathizes with women intuitively. At the same time he offers them strength and challenges them to face things in a more balanced way.

He is unafraid to give himself to something with a great deal of passion. The next time you go to a bar, or club, or somewhere where people are socializing, notice the men who have women with them. Are they the stiff, nervous-looking guys who are mostly silent and appear as a deer in headlights when face-to-face with a beautiful woman?

Nope.

Are they the relaxed, confident guys who are just having fun, joking around with people, sharing the moment and their life lightheartedly, without the appearance of being under a lot of pressure?

Yes.

Once you open up and begin to trust and listen to yourself, you will begin to notice many cues that were always there before, but that you were unaware of…why? You weren’t paying attention, that’s why.

This is an invaluable skill when storytelling because it adds a dimension to it that women strongly relate to – an emotional dimension.

Remember, our ebook “How to Get A Girlfriend” and audio program “Natural Attraction” both cover this extensively. I strongly suggest starting with the ebook and giving it a solid three reads WHILE you practice this in real life.

The only way to really change your life is to invite in new, outside information (in this case, my ebook) and then PRACTICE developing the skill.

Good luck!

Stephen Nash.

Mailbag time gentlemen. This is where we take a particularly interesting question from someone that we feel challenges A LOT of guys out there. Today’s covers a particularly sensitive topic – how to go for the kiss. Most guys won’t admit it, but they fumble this moment like a rookie running back. Want to be Walter Payton? Listen up:

Dear Stephen,

Darren
CT

Darren, Darren, Darren…I feel your pain, man. First of all, don’t worry – this is by far the TOP question I get from guys. “How do I smoothly go from talking to kissing?” Surprisingly, even the most skilled guys I’ve come across are constantly looking to handle this tricky situation a bit better.

Here we go – the step-by-step guide to being super smooth when it’s time to smooch:

In my estimation, this is where most guys blow it. They know the girl is ready to be kissed, yet they freeze up and pass a bunch of good opportunities to make a move, waiting for that perfect one. Even worse, they’ll wait hoping the woman will make the first move.

If you’re the kind of guy who hesitates, I got news for you… There are no perfect windows of opportunity, just many good ones, and 99% of the time she will not be the first to initiate any form of intimacy. If she does, consider yourself lucky.

How do we handle this slightly awkward situation? Very simply. The key here is spotting these good, small windows of opportunity and then taking advantage of them. Still better is to just create these windows yourself. I have covered a lot more steps in my e-book “How To Get A Girlfriend” but for now I have just illustrated a basic technique.

Let’s cover this point-by-point:

1) The first thing to make sure of is that you’re both having a good time, getting along well and physical contact has been established. It could be anything from holding hands, to a playful push on the shoulder. At this point it is important that she has touched you in some way indicating interest on her part.

2) When you feel you have reached this point, start slowing down the energy of the interaction. Start subtly moving a bit closer to her, slowing down your speech, and take longer pauses between sentences. The thought here is SUBTLE.

3) Now here’s the secret, the one move that will assure you to be remembered by her as the smoothest guy ever… During each of those pauses in your conversation, stare at her lips. You can even start talking again, though slowly, still staring at her lips. Start slowly moving in closer. The words you’re saying at this point become irrelevant; the sexual tension in the air will be too thick.

4) Slowly move your eyes from her mouth to her eyes and back again. If she has not moved away, or shown any sign of unease, you can place a hand on her hip and bring her in closer.

5) Usually she will lean in the rest of the way and kiss you. After all, at this stage, your lips should only be an inch or two away from hers.

Congratulations! In her mind, you are the world’s smoothest man.

If you have questions that you feel would be appropriate for our mailbag, send me a note by filling in the form at:

http://www.how-to-get-a-girlfriend.com/about

Often, your question is on the minds of many guys. So, go ahead and ask it! Also, as you might imagine, I get a lot of emails. When you send me your question, please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.

Enjoy!

Stephen Nash

There you are, walking down the street, and you lock eyes with an attractive woman. You both hold this stare for as long as you possibly can.

Then, you pass her, and after a few paces, glance back only to find she has done just the same thing. Your hear skips a beat, and you wonder, “should I talk to her?”

If you are like most people you keep walking, regretting that you didn’t take the obvious opportunity to go for it.

Why is this? I explain this in detail in my e-book ” How To Get A Girlfriend “.

Why is it that we receive an OBVIOUS social signal from a person we are clearly attracted to, only to find ourselves walking away from a golden opportunity?

Part of it is conditioning and part of it is fear. Fear, a most devastating force, trains us over time not to trust ourselves. If we did, we would know the door was wide open, and would walk up and start a conversation.

Think about how many similar opportunities you have had, and with a simple change in your thought pattern, what kind of difference in your life would that mean?

If a girl gives you eye contact, and holds it for just a bit longer than is the custom, it means EXACTLY what it means when you do the same thing…she feels that jolt of attraction. She sees you, and feels her chemistry change in that moment.

It is the magic of attraction - when you see each other, and something in you says “yes”. What usually happens is that we pass these open doors all the time. Sometimes it is not feasible to approach the girl.

We might have a meeting, or might be running late to work. There are many viable reasons not to stop and talk. I think most of us intuitively know what this magic moment means, and we simply don’t trust ourselves to go for it.

Nike said it best - Just Do It.

Another definite signal she is definitely into you is if she smiles at you. Sounds obvious - and it is obvious.

She wouldn’t smile at you if she wasn’t attracted to something about you. I once knew a guy who was above average in attractiveness, who had smiles from women all day long…he thought they were “just being nice”.

In fact, this is an opening to begin a conversation. It is a signal that her first impression of you is a good one, and that she would be interested in meeting you.

Let’s say you are in the office cafeteria, having lunch with some colleagues. You are chatting away, when someone at a nearby table catches your eye. You and she look at each other a bit longer than is normal in such a situation.

You guys have all been there - you see her, she sees you, and there is a moment, albeit brief, where you really see each other. Your heart likely speeds up in that moment, your breath shortens, there is something electric about it.

Both she and you decide to allow the other to notice that you are being checked out. This is a great signal that there is some initial attraction between you and a woman.

Another way to tell if a woman is into you initially is to notice her body language and behavior.
If you see that she goes out of her way to pass your table, or office, or your location, so that you can check her out - that is a good sign.

I recall once being at a restaurant with some friends of mine. I had made eye contact with a woman a few tables away. She kept getting up for one reason or another, and each time she would she would glance our way, and then parade by our table to reach her destination.

A friend of mine pointed this out to me. I then made my introduction to her later in the night, and eventually dated this woman.

Also, if a woman is in your vicinity, and she opens her body language to you by facing you, this also is a good sign that she is open to meeting you.

Imagine you are in a group of people, carrying on a conversation. When you speak, she faces you with her body. But, when someone else speaks, she turns her head to hear them, but her body still faces you. This indicates that she is more interested in talking with you than with anyone else in the group.

Also, pay attention to your body language in social situations. When you see someone that you find attractive, don’t you subtly open your body to them?

What we are doing is signaling the other person, subconsciously, that we are interested in having a conversation with them.

These subtle cues occur within social settings constantly. If you can recognize them, you will begin to see that women are communicating with men via their behavior and body language all the time.

These are signs that, initially, she feels some attraction for you. By noticing these, you will feel a greater amount of confidence when making your introductions later.

One last point on these initial signs: if you notice a woman, and she does not signal you in any of the above ways, it might simply mean that she is preoccupied or that she simply hasn’t noticed you.

In any event, go ahead and make your approach, what do you have to lose? There are no hard and fast rules here as that would be way too easy, and therefore, unrealistic. Go for it anyway.
With some good conversational skills and a solid personal style, your first impression will be great anyway.

Your chances are then very good for entering into a positive interaction with the woman you have approached.
Here is a list of twenty-five ways women signal initial interest to us:

1) Repeatedly glances at you from across the room
2) Walks by your location, going out of her way to be noticed by you
3) Smiles at you
4) Positions herself so that her body is open to you, wanting you to see her
5) In a tight environment (say, by the bar or on the subway), will subtly, and purposely, bump you to get your attention and prompt an “excuse me”
6) Stands close to you, subtly encroaching on your personal space
7) Repeats herself, and talks about boring things to keep the conversation going
8) Asks you personal questions
9) Ignores her friends or cellphone to keep talking with you
10) Touches you in any way while speaking with you
11) Compliments you
12) Talks about you in any way to other people
13) Introduces you to her friends
14) Flirts with you
15) She asks you her name early in the conversation
16) Brags about something in her life, trying to impress you
17) Laughs at things you say
18) Talks for a longer than normal amount of time
19) She fills in awkward pauses
20) She agrees to spend time alone with you; even a small side conversation at a party, bar, or other social setting
21) Asks if you are single
22) Fixes her hair, clothes, makeup, etc
23) Plays with her hair while talking with you
24) Agrees with everything you say
25) Has that “doggy dinner bowl” look - her eyes glaze over and her lower lip pouts. This one’s a biggie!

You don’t have to witness all of these to know if she is into you or not. As few as one or two may all you get.

That is why it is important to pay attention to her behavior, as well as what she says.

Good luck!
Stephen Nash

We’ve all heard it…and, to a degree, it’s true…”nice guys finish last”.

Why is that? I mean, wouldn’t YOU be flattered with someone who buys you everything you want, arrives promptly on time, thinks of you day and night, and always answers the phone on the first ring??

Actually, NO, I wouldn’t at all….

See where I am going with this??

Guys – women want us to be nice to them, but more importantly they want us to have our own LIVES. When, we shower and flatter them constantly, well that just shows them that they are VERY important to us – which might just scare the hell out of them.

Perhaps we need to rethink this word “nice” and frame it in the context of being attractive. OK?

I explain this in detail in my e-book “How To Get A Girl Friend”

An attractive guy is someone whose life is in balance, and is focused on an aim. In fact, each area of a guy’s life should be focused on an aim: his career; his health; his relationships; his hobbies etc. In fact, a guy who begins to realize on a deeper level his true nature might even feel a sense of harmony with all of these areas, creating the necessary “balance” of autonomy.

Now, don’t let me lose you here. I realize I am getting a bit heady, but just know that aiming towards a goal is something we truly need in each area of our lives.

The feeling most guys project is a sense of desperation, and a lack of a strong footing. Once a guy can arrange his lifestyle in such a way as to help harness his focus (and energy) the sense of desperation vanishes. His relationships with women lose the importance that they once had. Interestingly enough, he then is more attractive (READ: less desperate) to women.

Once a guy is centered in this place of, dare I say, personal power, he can then be truly nice to women. The former example is mere manipulation, and any woman with a head on her shoulders will smell you from ten miles away. So, stop seeking validation from women, and get your life in order. Once this happens, feel free to be as nice and considerate as you want.

I even tell some guys to STOP dating for some time while they get the rest of their lives in order. Only then is it fair to put yourself on the market. Until then, you will not attract a healthy mate to you, and will instead be looking for someone to fill a hole which they can not fill…that hole is your responsibility, not theirs…

So, just now, take a look at the following areas of your life:

Health/Fitness
Career
Social/friendships
Family
Financial
Hobbies/Other
Spiritual

And score yourself from 1 to 10. We have a more sophisticated way of breaking this down with our clients, and in our seminars, but for now this should suffice. Based on your HONEST answers, where do you need to put some focus? How much time do you realistically need to meet some goals? Also, if you were to raise your level in each of these areas, would you attract someone different than you might be now?

I think that’s enough for now – and you thought you were going to hear a discourse on how to be nice. Trust me, each of you knows how to be nice, but what your missing is a self connected with a true source of masculine power. Until you reach that, you will settle across the board, for less than you deserve…

Your friend,

Stephen Nash

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